Good Enough
by KekahJ
Summary: She is tough, smart, and independent. He's been pampered and privileged his whole life. Til one night changes everything. Can she convince him that he's still good enough?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended

Prologue

The icy drip of water on his forehead must have been what revived him. He shook his head and, ignoring the pain that stabbed at his temples, opened his eyes. He was shrouded in darkness and wasn't sure for a moment whether he'd actually opened his eyes or not. But soon he began to make out vague, hazy shapes in the darkness. Grunting, he struggled against an unknown restraint. He groped around, trying to find out what was holding him in place.

A seatbelt. The discovery did little to lessen his confusion. He had no clue where he was or how he'd gotten there. As he continued to struggle, his world suddenly spun, and he felt his stomach lurch as he realized everything around him was upside down. The screech of metal as it twisted and bent was deafening. The scream that erupted from his throat was lost in the cacophony of noise that assaulted his ears as his world pitched and spun again. The seatbelt that he'd cursed moments ago became his savior as the car shifted and began to tumble end over end.

It seemed like the car rolled forever. Time and space had no meaning as he flopped around the interior like a rag doll. Finally it did come to a rest, though, and the shrieking and groaning gave way to a few creaks and shudders before all was silent again. The only thing he had the strength to do was to try and turn his head to the side as he emptied the contents of his stomach before groaning and closing his eyes again.

He must have lost consciousness for a while because when he opened his eyes again there was light coming through the shattered windshield. He was afraid to move after what had happened the last time, but he also recognized that he couldn't stay where he was.

With a deep breath and a grunt, he pushed the seatbelt release button and cried out in pain as his body was freed and he collapsed in a heap. Struggling to sit up, he began to gain his bearings. The car had tumbled and landed on the driver's side and was surrounded by leafy foliage. A large branch had lodged itself through the windshield, narrowly missing him, he noted thankfully, and was protruding well into the backseat.

Somehow he managed to find his cell phone. It had ended up on the floor, which was now on his right side, wedged in the center console. He scooped it up before carefully pushing his way up through the windshield, holding the branch to one side. Slowly he clamored up and out of the vehicle and stumbled unsteadily away from the car. His head spun, and he grabbed onto the trunk of a nearby tree to steady himself before pushing the button that he hoped would bring his phone to life. He said a quick, silent prayer as he waited for the phone to respond. He had no idea where he was and could only hope that he would have service.

Relief surged through him as the phone lit up, and he dialed the three digits with shaky fingers. He felt a second wave of relief when the emergency operator answered.

"Hello, I need help. I've been in an accident," he cried in response to the operator's greeting. His voice was hoarse from disuse and fear.

"All right, where are you, sir?" The woman's professional voice was calm and reassuring.

"I—I'm not sure." He looked around, trying to find something that would jog his memory. He took a few steps back toward the vehicle.

"Okay, sir. Are you calling from a cellular phone?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered, scanning the vehicle. This was his car; that much he knew. He recognized the few shiny parts of his Lexus that hadn't been mangled when it had tumbled off the road. But everything else seemed like a mystery. Something elusive tugged at his consciousness but was gone almost before he realized it.

"We'll be able to use your phone's GPS feature to locate you, sir; one moment. Are you injured?"

He shook his head and immediately felt nauseated. "Um, I don't think so." He waited, leaning his forehead against the rough bark of a tree, the action somehow soothing. A moment later, his head shot up. What was that? Had he really heard what he thought he had? He froze, holding the phone away from his ear so he could concentrate. A moment later he heard it again. It was faint, but he was sure now. The operator's voice came through the phone still clutched in his hand, small and tinny, but he paid it no mind at the moment.

He raced around to the other side of the car. His heart dropped when he reached the passenger side. He'd failed to notice before; the tree branch had blocked his view.

In one sickening moment, the entire evening came back to him. He fought the urge to vomit again as he peered through the jagged opening that was once his passenger side window.

"Edward, help me," she whispered, opening one eye and reaching toward him through the shattered glass.

Trembling, he brought the phone to his ear again. "Hurry please! We need help. Now!" he cried, his voice breaking on the last word.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter One

Bella glanced at her watch and swallowed a groan.

"What are your specials again?" the woman asked.

"The fish and chips, and the chicken parmesan," Bella answered. "I can give you a few more minutes if you need it." She'd been waiting on the pair of old women to order for a good three minutes. They'd asked her the same questions at least twice and were staring at their menus as if they were written in a different language.

"No, no. We're ready, dear. Is there a lot of garlic in the chicken parmesan? I can't have a lot of garlic."

It was a two more minutes before Bella had their order written down and was headed back to the kitchen to put it in. She could already tell this shift was going to be a long one, and it was just beginning.

"Hey, Bell, come here." Her boss, Peter, called out as she passed his office.

"Yeah, boss," she answered, poking her head through his door. He was sitting at his desk studying his computer, but as she entered, he turned toward her.

"New guy's starting tonight. Can you show him the ropes?" he asked as he chewed on the end of his pen.

Bella shrugged. "Sure." She wasn't the most senior employee at Lucky's, but Peter often relied on Bella to help train new employees. In the year that she'd been waiting tables here, she'd proven herself to be trustworthy and reliable.

"Thanks, Bella." He glanced at his watch. "He should be here in about twenty minutes. Name's Edward."

She nodded and ducked out, heading back to the kitchen. Two of her orders were ready, so she quickly delivered them. The popular restaurant and grill was beginning to fill up, so it didn't take her long to forget all about her new trainee; until she ran right into him.

"Sorry," she muttered as she tried to step around him.

"Um, it's fine. Are you Bella?" he asked, stepping in front of her and effectively blocking her path.

"Yes." She stared at him blankly for a moment. "Oh, right. You must be Edward. Sorry, crazy night. Here, follow me."

He nodded and followed her obediently back to the kitchen.

"Okay, so how much experience waiting tables do you have?" she asked without looking up as she slid two new tickets onto the metal spindle and spun it around to the cook's side.

"I…haven't…I—none," he muttered, ducking his head, and Bella groaned inwardly. "But I'm a fast learner. I promised Peter I'd pick it up quickly, and I swear I will!" he insisted.

Bella sighed and shrugged. If Peter wanted to hire completely green wait staff, it was none of her business. Chances were he wouldn't last very long anyway. "Fine. For now, you'll just shadow me. Just try and stay out of the way. Then tonight, you can take a menu home. Memorize it, and we'll see how you do tomorrow. Maybe you can start taking your own tables."

He nodded, and she maneuvered past him back into the dining area. "Keep up," she called back to him, making very little effort to hide her impatience.

By the end of the night, Bella had to admit that he hadn't lied. Edward was a quick learner. He'd done whatever she'd asked of him without complaint, and after a while, he'd even been able to anticipate some of the things she'd needed and get them before she asked.

As Peter locked the door at closing time, Bella plopped down in one of the empty booths and motioned for Edward to join her. She dug her tips out of her apron and spread them on the table as she began to count them.

"Not bad for your first night," she said, glancing at Edward as he sat down opposite her.

"Thanks," he answered, grinning proudly.

"Here's the menu I promised you." She plucked a menu from the small stack on the far side of the table and slid it across to him. "Memorize it," she said again.

He nodded as he took it from her. "Seems easy enough," he said as he glanced over it.

"This is for you too," she said, pushing a portion of the bills she'd counted out toward him.

He stared at her and shook his head. "No, those are your tips," he said, spreading his hands in front of him as if to block the money. "I can't take them."

Bella shrugged. "You earned part of them. You helped me a lot."

He continued to refuse. "No way. I'll earn my own tips when the time comes; I'm not taking yours."

She pursed her lips as she met his gaze. It occurred to her it was really the first time all night she'd taken the time to look at him. With some surprise, she realized that he was really good looking. His hair was an unusual shade of brown, almost copper, and it seemed to go in every direction at once. His eyes were green and crinkled a little at the corners when he smiled. He was tall, she'd noticed that earlier when she'd almost bowled into him— and well built, his athletic physique apparent beneath his t-shirt and jeans. She found herself wondering more about him. Who was he? She guessed him to be about her age, and she briefly wondered how he came to find himself needing a job waiting tables at Lucky's Bar and Grill. She shook herself mentally, pushing her curiosity aside. It was none of her business.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged, pushing out of the booth and standing. "Are you scheduled tomorrow night?"

He nodded. "Are you?" His eyes were crinkling again and she wondered for a fleeting moment why he was smiling at her.

"Yeah, I'm here most days."

She said goodbye to Peter and was almost to the door when Edward called to her again. She was surprised to find him right next to her when she turned around. She blinked and waited for him to speak.

"I just wanted to say thank you for letting me to tag along with you tonight. I hope I wasn't too annoying." He grinned, shrugging as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Oh, no problem. I mean, Peter asked me to do it, so…" She faded off, suddenly unsure of what to say. "You're welcome," she finished lamely. Suddenly feeling awkward, she hitched her backpack higher up on her shoulders and pushed through the door.

He followed. "Can I walk you to your car? It's dark."

She smiled and resisted the urge to thank him for pointing out the obvious. "Actually, I walked."

"Oh. Well, do you need a ride?" he asked.

"No. I always walk. I don't live far." She appreciated his gratitude, but now his chivalry was growing tiresome.

"I'll walk you home then."

Bella rolled her eyes. "No thank you, Edward. I'm fine. Goodnight." She picked up her pace, hoping he'd take the hint. He must have, because when she dared to look behind her, he was nowhere to be found. Relieved, she continued her journey.

She hadn't lied. It wasn't a far walk home, only a few blocks; even shorter by the time she took a shortcut through campus. She sprinted up the dorm steps and made a right turn down the hallway when she reached her floor. The common room was uncharacteristically dark. She was puzzled until she realized there were several people sprawled on the threadbare couches watching a movie. She didn't stop, but instead, continued down the hall until she reached her room. There was light coming from under her door, so she didn't make much of an effort to be quiet as she slid her key in the lock.

"Hey." Her roommate, Alice, greeted her without looking up from her computer. Bella heard the staccato clicking as her fingers flew across the keyboard and knew she was working on a paper. Alice was a literature major and spent a lot of time writing.

"Hi, Al. How's the paper coming?" Bella asked as she kicked off her shoes.

Alice muttered noncommittally, and Bella smiled. She shrugged her backpack off and plopped down on her single bed, pulling out two thick textbooks. She had two exams this week and didn't feel prepared for either of them. She soon became lost in her studies, numbers and facts floating around her head as she tried to absorb the seemingly endless amount of material that she needed to know.

She was jarred from her thoughts by the ringing of her phone. She heard Alice's quiet sigh of annoyance as Bella lunged for it and pressed the answer button.

"Hi, Mom," Bella said, leaning back against her headboard and rubbing her eyes.

"Hi, baby, how are you?"

Bella smiled. It seemed like no matter how old she got, the sound of her mom's voice would always be home. "I'm okay. Busy. It's late. Why are you still awake?"

"Just driving home from work. How's school? How are your classes? Are you working too much? You need to take some time off." Bella rolled her eyes at her mother's rapid fire questions.

"School and my classes are fine. I'm working as much as I need to get by. I can't take any time off, Mom. You know that." It was a discussion they'd had time and time again.

"That school should be helping you out more. If they're going to give you a scholarship, it should pay for everything."

"Mom, we've been over this. My scholarship only covers tuition and my dorm room. I have to pay for everything else; books, food. That's just the way it is." There was silence for a moment, and Bella knew her mom was wishing she could help her only daughter and feeling guilty because she couldn't. Her voice was soft as she reassured her. "I'm doing really well though, I promise. Don't worry, okay?"

Her mom's answer was low and incoherent, but Bella knew better than to ask her to repeat herself. She decided to change the subject. "So what's new there? How's the hospital?"

"Oh, you know how it goes. The doctors all think they're God's gift and the rest of us are chopped liver. But it's fine. I can't complain."

Bella smiled at the familiar epitaph with which her mother always ended her complaints. "How's Granny?"

"She's doing okay. I swear she gets more senile every day. She asked me where you were today," her mother said.

Bella raised her eyebrows. "Geez, she's never been that confused before."

"I know. But don't worry, sweetie. She's fine. As long as we've got each other, we're fine."

Bella felt the familiar pang of guilt at her mother's subtle reminder of her abandonment of her family. Her mother had never come right out and told her that she thought Bella had abandoned them, but there was hardly a conversation that passed without some subtle dig about her absence. She sighed and chose to ignore it. Taking the bait wouldn't do any good. Her mother would just feign innocence and deny having any feelings of resentment that she clearly had about Bella moving halfway across the country to attend college.

"Okay, Mom. Give Granny a kiss for me. I better go. I've got some more studying to do and it's getting late."

"Yeah, okay. I've got an early shift tomorrow anyway. Kiss, kiss, baby, I love you. I miss you!"

After she had hung up the phone, she sighed, scrubbing a hand over her face. She stared at her books again, trying to pick up where she'd left off before her mother's interruption, but she was having a hard time concentrating. She decided that maybe a shower would help, so she gathered her shower tote and tossed her towel over her shoulder before heading to the shower. She didn't bother to tell Alice where she was going. The furious clicking of the keyboard had resumed, and Bella knew better than to disturb her again.

There were four sets of showers on their floor, two men's and two women's, and Bella chose the one that was least likely to be occupied. She chose correctly. It was deserted and the lights flickered on as she entered.

She let out a puff of air as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She reached up and yanked at the heavy rubber band that was keeping her long brown hair piled on top of her head. It tumbled down her shoulders and back, not straight, but never quite curly either. She leaned in closer to the mirror studying her face. She would have liked to think that the fluorescent lights were responsible for the dark circles under her brown eyes, but if she was honest with herself, she knew the lighting had nothing to do with it. It was all the late nights working and the even later nights studying. She sighed and turned away from the mirror, knowing there was nothing to be done for it. Just as she'd told her mom, she had to make ends meet somehow to make up for what her scholarship didn't cover. And if she let her grades slip she'd be in even worse shape. The thought of losing her scholarship and returning home made her stomach lurch uncomfortably.

The water sputtered, and she shivered as she waited for it to get warm. Finally, she stepped under the stream and ran her fingers through her hair as the warm water ran in rivulets down her skin. She took her time, a rare luxury for her, washing her hair twice and then standing under the spray for a long time as she tried to get her muscles to relax.

By the time she returned to their room, it was dark. Alice had either finished her paper, or given up for the night, and crawled under the covers. Bella could hear her soft breathing as she crept into the room and climbed into her own bed, reveling in the feeling of the cool, slick sheets. As she lay in the darkness, guilt began to gnaw at her. Between the phone call and her extra-long shower, she'd gotten almost no studying done. After a few minutes, she huffed and threw the covers back. As much as she'd like to drift off to sleep without a care, the real world would be waiting for her in the morning, and it would expect her to be able to pass both of her exams. Sleep meant losing precious study time. Groping in the darkness she found her backpack and crept silently out into the hallway.

The common room on her floor was still dark, blue-green images from the movie flickering dimly against the furniture and walls, so she trotted down the stairs to the floor below and found a quiet corner with a comfortable chair and a table where she spread her books out around her. She checked her watch and suppressed a yawn. If she was lucky, she'd be able to get a few hours of studying in before she succumbed to her exhaustion.

After about an hour or so, the words on the page of her text book began to swim. She rubbed her eyes and yawned as she stood to stretch. She took a quick walk around the room, swinging her arms and hopping up and down to try and get her blood flowing and wake herself up. She rummaged through her backpack until she found enough change to purchase a coffee from the vending machine. It was bitter and maybe even a little burnt, but it did the trick. Feeling a little more awake, she sat back down and picked her book back up again. She tucked her legs underneath her and began to read again as she cross referenced her notes with the material from her text, filling in any holes in her notes as she went.

Almost two more hours passed before Bella's highlighter slipped from her fingers and her head slumped back against the chair as she began to slip into unconsciousness. This time not even the heavy thump of her book hitting the floor as it slid from her lap was enough to wake her. It wasn't until sunlight began to peek through the tattered blinds, momentarily blinding her with its brilliance, that she rose and stumbled back upstairs and into bed for a couple hours of blissful sleep before class.

**A/N: Thanks for all the follows and favorites. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. :)**


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Two

Edward groaned and rolled over as the sunlight pierced the chinks in his heavy curtains. Cursing, he rose and tugged the two pieces of fabric together, shrouding the room once again in darkness. He'd just drifted back to sleep when his alarm clock blared in his ear.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes groggily as he tried to make out the time on the clock that had so rudely interrupted his sleep. He groaned and flopped back onto the bed, determined to go back to sleep. A moment later, he shot out of bed like an arrow as he remembered what today was. As tempting as it would have been to blow off today and go back to sleep, he was determined not to screw up his first day. That was the old Edward.

Twenty minutes later, he was shaved, showered and dressed. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at his small kitchen table to eat it. Ten minutes after that, he was turning the key to lock his apartment and heading toward campus, opting to walk the short distance to his class rather than drive.

As he walked, new backpack slung over one shoulder, he couldn't help but notice what a gorgeous day it was. He'd lived in San Diego his entire life, and days like today reminded him why he loved it. The crisp, cool breeze blew in from the ocean, and Edward breathed deeply, letting it fill his lungs and lift his spirits. Today really did feel like a fresh start.

He reached campus within a few minutes and the building he needed only moments after that. It was still early, so the campus was mostly deserted as he trotted up the steps. He reached around and pulled a schedule out of his backpack, double-checking the room number as he went.

Just as he'd hoped, the classroom was empty save for the professor at the front who was going over his notes before the rest of the class arrived.

"Professor Campbell?" Edward asked as he approached.

"Yes," Professor Campbell responded, looking at Edward over the top of his horn-rimmed glasses.

"I'm Edward Cullen. I'm starting your class today."

The professor raised one eyebrow skeptically. "You're a little late. The semester started three weeks ago."

Edward nodded and looked down at his shoes, suddenly unsure of himself. "I know. I had some personal issues that I had to deal with. The registrar told me that I could audit the class for no credit since I'm starting late, but that way I can still sit in and get the material. I just need you to sign this saying you give your permission."

The professor stared at Edward for half a second before holding his hand out for Edward's paper. He signed his name, barely looking at it, and handed it back. "I'll still expect you to complete the course work even though you're not getting credit. You can see my TA after class today for a syllabus."

Edward nodded. "That's fair. No problem. Thank you."

The professor nodded and returned to his notes, and Edward found a seat near the front of the room and sat down. He pulled out a notebook and a pen. He took a deep breath and looked around. He couldn't believe he was actually sitting in a college classroom. There'd been so long that he'd thought this would never happen, that he'd never get here, and yet, despite everything, here he was.

Slowly, more students began to trickle in. The lecture hall was large, so no one really took notice of him. When the room was almost full, Professor Campbell checked his watch and cleared his throat. The low din that had filled the room dropped off, and he began his lecture. Edward hung on every word, taking copious notes. He actually looked up at the clock in surprise when Professor Campbell called an end to his presentation. Edward could hardly believe ninety minutes had passed so quickly. He scooped up his bag and made his way to the door.

The rest of his day was fairly similar. He found that as long as he was willing to still complete the assigned work, most of the professors he encountered were happy to let him sit their classes even though the semester was well underway already.

By the time his last class drew to a close, Edward was exhausted, but happy. He walked the short distance across campus to his apartment, hoping that he'd have time for a quick nap before his shift at Lucky's began.

He closed the door behind him and gazed at his living room. The room was dim since he'd left the blinds drawn in his haste to leave that morning. Even though it was small, it was finely decorated, a fact that annoyed him immensely. The only things he'd picked out and insisted on having were his stereo and his big screen television. Everything else in his apartment he didn't really care about.

He tossed his backpack on the kitchen counter, and made his way back to the bedroom, kicking his jeans off as he went. The bed felt cool, and he laid on his back staring at the ceiling fan as it spun lazily around. His eyelids had just begun to feel heavy when the pounding on his front door jolted him awake. Grumbling, he pulled his jeans back on and shuffled to the door.

"You sleeping?" His younger brother Emmett stood, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed as he grinned at Edward.

Edward noticed immediately that his brother seemed like he'd grown a little taller. He was still shorter than Edward, but Edward could have sworn that his brother had shot up an inch or two since he'd last seen him. He also seemed to be wearing his hair shorter than the last time Edward had seen him. How quickly things could change.

"Not anymore. What are you doing here?" Edward asked, suppressing a yawn as he turned away from the door.

Emmett shrugged as he followed Edward inside, slouching out of his jacket and tossing it on a nearby chair. "I just wanted to visit my big brother." He glanced around. "I love what you've done with the place."

Edward rolled his eyes. "You know I had nothing to do with it. You want something to drink?" he asked yanking the fridge door open.

"Sure. I'll take a beer." Emmett grinned, but Edward grimaced and gave him a dirty look as he tossed him a can of soda instead. Emmett caught it with one hand and opened it with the other before taking a sip and shrugging. "Can't blame a guy for trying. So what did you do today?" he asked.

"Went to school."

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Already? You just moved in."

Edward shrugged. "The semester started three weeks ago. Technically I'm late."

Emmett shook his head. "I don't know why you bother, man. You could always start next semester. Come home and play for a little while longer."

It was Edward's turn to shake his head. "You already know why." He glanced at the clock on the microwave. "Look, you're welcome to hang out here, but I've got to get ready."

"For what?"

"My shift."

Emmett's eyebrows shot up again as his jaw dropped. "You got a job?"

Edward rolled his eyes again and sighed impatiently. "Yes, Emmett. That's what normal people do. They get jobs. They work. They go to school. It's not that weird."

Emmett grinned and shook his head. "Whatever you say, brother." He took one last draw from his soda before leaving it on the counter and walking toward the door. "Well, call me sometime."

Edward felt a pang of guilt. "Thanks for stopping by, Emmett. Sorry I don't have time to hang out. Do you want to do something this weekend?" His tone was softer this time as he smiled at his little brother.

Emmett smiled and nodded as he waved. "Yeah, maybe. I'll call you."

Edward couldn't help but notice his brother's hesitation. It did nothing to lessen his guilt. He knew he was completely responsible for the strained state of their relationship. He thought back to how inseparable they'd been only a year ago, and he felt sad as he wondered if they'd ever be close again. Emmett had thought Edward hung the moon and stars. He'd tagged along behind Edward and his friends, wanting to be just like his big brother and copying everything he did. At the time, Edward had been annoyed by the uninvited intruder, but now he would give almost anything to have Emmett look at him that way again. Now he just looked at him like he was a stranger, and it practically broke Edward's heart.

Edward shook his head to try and clear his troubling thoughts away, knowing there was nothing he could do about it right now. For the second time that afternoon, he slid his jeans off. Only this time instead of flopping down onto his bed, he turned and entered the one small bathroom. He turned the shower on and pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor.

After his shower, he donned a fresh t-shirt and his favorite jeans, grateful once again that Lucky's didn't have a uniform requirement for its wait staff. Being able to dress comfortably in his own clothes made the job that much more bearable. He grabbed the menu he'd taken home from his nightstand, giving it one last quick look-through. He'd studied it the night before and was pretty confident in his knowledge of its contents.

He could have walked to Lucky's. It was only a few short blocks away, but he chose to drive instead. He was still getting used to his new car, a late model domestic with very little pick-up. He parked in the back where Peter had instructed him to park the night before and climbed out. He sighed as he pulled his sunglasses off and strode toward the entrance. He would have been lying if he said he was excited about the prospect of having a job, but like so many other aspects of his life, he recognized that a job was a necessary part of his new life.

"Edward, you're early," Peter said as he entered the building. "That's good. I like employees who are punctual. Bella's not here yet though."

Edward smiled. Bella. He hadn't thought much about her since he'd left the night before, but the mention of her name brought her to the forefront of his mind again. She was an interesting girl.

"What about me?" Speak of the devil. She had entered unnoticed by both Peter and Edward, backpack over her shoulders and headphones in her ears. As they turned to her, she pulled the buds out of her ears.

Peter snorted. "You're late."

Bella checked her watch. "No, I'm not. I still have two minutes." She tossed her backpack into one of the lockers that lined the back wall of the break room. "Wow, Peter. You're in a great mood."

Peter mumbled incoherently, and she turned her attention to Edward.

"You came back."

For some reason Edward was caught off guard. After a few awkward moments, he finally managed a lame, "Yes."

She stared at him strangely for a brief moment as she tied on her apron. "Did you do your homework?"

Edward nodded, fishing the menu out of his back pocket. He placed it in her outstretched hand. "Yeah, I think I'm ready."

She raised one eyebrow at him as she set the menu on the table and twisted her thick brown hair around her hand, piling it up on top of her head and securing it with a hair band. The effect was a massive, messy ponytail that seemed to stick out in all directions. Surprisingly, it was flattering. "You think so? Okay, we'll see," she grinned, and Edward noticed how the action lit up her face.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess we will. I won't promise perfection, but I think I'll do okay."

She smiled and shook her head but didn't say anything as she maneuvered around him and into the kitchen.

It turned out Edward wasn't quite as ready as he'd thought. Bella took the first two tables while he watched and helped her refill drinks; but then when the hostess seated the third table in their section, she turned to him.

"This one's all yours."

He nodded, trying to appear nonchalant, even though his stomach was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. He approached the table in what he hoped was a confident manner, since Bella was watching him from the drink station, but his confidence was all for naught. He immediately forgot what the specials were, and when he finally did manage to take the table's order, his handwriting was so illegible Bella had to rewrite the order before submitting it to the kitchen. Then, at the next table, he knocked over two water glasses while trying to refill them.

"You know what? Why don't you go take a break or something for a minute," Bella suggested after she'd helped him clean up the sodden mess. "Do you smoke? A lot of the bus boys smoke out back."

He didn't smoke, but he really could have used a drink right about then. That thought made him even more flustered, so he nodded and wordlessly made his way out the back door. Just as Bella had promised, there were several bus boys already back there. They greeted him and offered him a cigarette, but he declined. With a heavy sigh he sunk down onto an overturned milk crate. He scrubbed his palms over his face.

"You okay?"

He looked up. Bella was standing over him, a concerned expression on her face. Somehow her pity was even more unbearable than her fury. He felt his neck and face growing red from embarrassment.

"I'm fine," he answered roughly. "I just…" He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. Have never had a job? Have no idea what I'm doing? Am failing miserably? He settled for a grunt as he pushed himself to a standing position. "I'm fine. We should probably get back."

Bella eyed him for a moment, and then nodded. He followed her back inside, and when the next table was seated, she took their order. Defeated, Edward resumed his position as shadow and drink-filler and did his best not to get in her way.

He thought the night would never end, but at last, when the final table of customers had wandered, full and happy, out the door, Peter locked up, and Bella plopped down to count out her tips. Edward was heading back to get his stuff from his locker when she called him back.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" she said without looking at him as she counted. "You did really well for your second day. It'll get better."

He rolled his eyes and tried to turn away as he felt the embarrassed flush returning to his neck.

"I'm serious. You should have seen me my first couple of weeks here. Ask Peter."

Edward shrugged. It was nice of her to try and reassure him, but he wasn't buying it. "I just don't think I'm cut out for this job."

Bella laughed, and their eyes finally met. "No one's cut out to wait tables. It's no one's dream job, Edward. We all do what we need to do to get us to where we really want to be." Her brown eyes were intense and seemed to hold him in place for a moment before she turned her attention back to the stack of bills in front of her. "See you tomorrow," she mumbled as she began counting again.

Later that night, as Edward lay in bed, her words echoed in his head again. "We all do what we need to do to get us to where we really want to be." Edward knew why her words had rung true with him. He knew where he'd been, and now he knew where he wanted to be, and the two were very far apart. But as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but think about the waitress with the locks of long brown hair. He wondered where she'd been and where she wanted to go.

**A/N: Sorry this is late today. :) **

**Thanks to Project Team Beta for helping me with my shocking lack of commas. ;) **


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Three

"Mister Edward!"

Edward couldn't help but smile. "Hey, Lupe. How are you?"

Before Lupe could answer, Edward's mother appeared in the doorway. "Edward, what a pleasant surprise!"

"Hello, Mother. You look well," Edward responded as he stepped through the door. "Where's Gilda? She usually answers the door."

"I gave her the afternoon off. Her grandson is graduating from something or other." Esme Cullen waved dismissively. "So what brings you by, dear?"

"I just wanted to pick up a couple of things I forgot." His feet were already on the stairs and his voice echoed through the giant marble foyer.

His mother's reply was lost as he rounded the corner and travelled down the long carpeted hallway to his old bedroom. Just being in this house made him anxious.

Once in his room, he quickly found the items he needed, cursing himself for forgetting them in the first place. As he zipped his backpack up, he looked around his old bedroom. Nothing had changed, but then again he didn't expect that his mother would have completely redecorated in the couple of weeks that he'd been gone. In the corner stood the four poster bed that he'd slept in for as long as he could remember. For a split second he considered lying down on it, if only for a moment, just to breathe in the familiar smell of his old bedding. He turned away before he lost his resolve. On the opposite wall from the bed stood his old wooden dresser. He approached it almost cautiously. It was the tall kind of dresser without a mirror; even now it came to his chest. He smiled ruefully as his fingers found the grooves that had been etched into the side each year to mark his height until he'd grown too tall to measure on the dresser anymore.

He took a deep breath and let it out quickly. How simple things had been when this had been his room. How easy it would be to return. He knew his mother would be thrilled, and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a tempting thought. But as he looked around the room, he was suddenly flooded with memories that reminded him of all the reasons why he didn't live here anymore. Suddenly, he couldn't leave fast enough. He slammed the door shut a little harder than he meant to, the loud bang resonating throughout the quiet house.

"Edward, you okay, sweetie?" his mother called from somewhere downstairs.

"I'm fine," he shouted.

His mother was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. "Can you stay? I'd love to hear about your first week of school…" The hope etched on his mother's face was almost more than he could stand. "Are you hungry? I could have Lupe whip something up."

Edward sighed and looked around. "Is Dad still at the office?" he asked.

"No, he took off early today," she answered. Edward must have bristled visibly because Esme added hurriedly, "But he's golfing. He won't be home for a while." She sighed. "But I do wish you two would talk again."

Edward shook his head. "No. Not going to happen, Mom. You already know that. Where's Emm?"

"He's golfing with your father, so it's just the two of us. Please stay, Edward."

Edward sighed then relented. "Fine." He tossed his backpack at the foot of the stairs.

His mother clapped her hands and then grabbed her oldest son and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. It means so much to me to have you here. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine. I ate just before I came."

"Well, come sit down than," Esme said as she moved through the foyer and into the house's large formal sitting room.

Edward raised one eyebrow. "The sitting room, Mom? You never let us come in here. This room is for guests."

"Well, you're sort of a guest now, aren't you?" Esme settled into the oversized armchair that was her favorite, and Edward took a seat on the edge of the sofa nearest her chair. "Tell me about your first week of college, dear."

Edward shrugged as he gazed out the huge picture window that overlooked the ocean. He'd always loved the view from this room. "There's not much to tell. I got into all the classes that I wanted, which is lucky since I'm starting three weeks late. I have a lot of homework already because I'm behind."

"Emmett said you got a job. Is that true?" There was a slight edge to her voice that no one else would have picked up on, but Edward sensed it immediately. He felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.

"Yes, I did. How else am I going to pay my bills?"

Esme pursed her lips and looked at Edward disapprovingly. "Why, you let your father and I pay your bills, Edward. That's how."

Edward rubbed his temples and sighed. "Mom, we've been through this. Please don't start again. Please."

His mother sighed and shook her head. "Well, I just don't see the point of it all, that's all. Your father and I have worked hard to build a future for you. Why would you want to throw it all away?"

Edward stood. "I can't do this, Mom. Not with Dad, not with you, not with Emmett. I just can't. If you can't be supportive, that's fine, but I won't keep justifying my choices over and over."

"More like you won't let us support you," Esme mumbled. Edward turned on his heel and headed for the door. "Wait, wait, Edward. Okay. We don't have to talk about it anymore. Don't leave."

Edward froze mid-step and closed his eyes, working to calm himself. He didn't want to have this kind of relationship with his family, but it seemed they'd given him no choice. He sighed and turned back around, giving his mother a warning look as he took his seat again.

"So tell me about your job." His mother's voice sounded weary, and he knew how much asking about it cost her.

"It's not bad. It's a restaurant called Lucky's. It's pretty popular with students, so the tips are good. I'm still learning my way around, but I have a good trainer," he said, smiling as he thought of Bella.

"You're a waiter?" Esme asked, her face a shade paler than it had been a moment before.

"Yes."

"That's…nice."

Edward smiled and shook his head. "It's not as bad as you might think, Mom. I actually like working."

"How's your apartment?" she asked, clearly eager to change the subject.

"It's great."

"You know, you didn't really let me finish decorating. I could talk to Jill and we could get together this week sometime to finish it."

"I don't need you and your interior decorator, Mom. My apartment is just fine the way it is." Edward rolled his eyes. If he'd had his way she wouldn't have done as much as she had, but before he even realized what was happening, his mother had hauled her decorator in and the two of them were picking out curtains and wallpaper.

They spent another twenty minutes in strained conversation before Edward checked his watch and stood to leave. "Well, I've got to go to work, Mom."

She looked disapprovingly at him, but made no move to stop him. Instead, she rose with him and walked him to the foyer where he scooped up his backpack. Was it possible she found their conversation as tiring as he did?

"It's good to see you, Edward. Your father and Emmett will be sorry that they missed you."

Somehow he doubted that, at least as far as his father was concerned. He said nothing, however, instead leaning in to kiss his mother's soft cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, son," she whispered.

When Edward caught her wiping her eyes, he felt the pang of guilt in his stomach that had become all too familiar. He sighed and smiled ruefully at her before descending the steps to the driveway and climbing into his car.

As he drove, he checked his watch, cursing under his breath when he saw how late it was. He hadn't intended to stay so long. Now he'd have no time to go home first before he went to Lucky's. He'd have to drive straight to work. Once again, he was glad for Peter's lack of dress code restrictions.

Edward pulled into the parking lot with about five minutes to spare before the beginning of his shift. As usual, he expected to have a busy night. He tossed his keys and cell phone into his locker and retrieved his apron. He was tying it on when Bella walked in.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he returned. "How are you?"

She shrugged. "I'm good. You?"

He nodded. "I'm good."

Before he could say anything else, she'd tied her apron on and was heading to the kitchen. He smiled and shook his head. They'd been working together for a week now, and he felt like he knew as little about her now as he had on the first night they'd met. She seemed to speak to him only as much as she needed to, and never volunteered any personal information. She took breaks by herself, arrived at the restaurant just before her shift, and left as soon as it ended. She seemed to always walk, and though he'd offered to drive her home a few times, she'd always refused. Of course, if he was being fair, he hadn't really volunteered any information about himself to her or any of his other co-workers.

He wasn't sure why he was so curious about Bella. He couldn't say that he was particularly attracted to her, though she was pretty. The last thing he needed was to get involved with someone. His goals were clear-cut and well laid out and didn't involve dating. Yet there was something about her that he found fascinating. Maybe it was the way that she was so fiercely independent. Or the way that she looked at him sometimes, that unfathomable look in her eyes and enigmatic smile on her lips.

"You coming?" Her voice jarred him back to reality. She had poked her head back into the break room, her long hair a curtain across her shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry," he mumbled, snatching his order pad and pen out of his locker.

Edward took heart in the fact that the job was getting easier. In the week that he'd been working at Lucky's, he had been able to memorize the menu, and he was pretty much handling his own section now. He knew Bella still kept an eye on him, but she hadn't had to rescue him for at least a couple of days.

He was about halfway through his shift when Mike, one of the other waiters, tapped him on the shoulder. "Peter says take your break now. I'll cover your section."

Edward thanked him and untied his apron. He'd taken to hanging out in the back lot with the bus boys on his breaks, but tonight he was feeling a little hungry. The thought of eating anything from the kitchen wasn't very appealing, but the break room had a vending machine that looked promising. He was fishing in his pocket for change when he crossed the threshold and saw Bella. She was seated at the small round table, books spread out around her. If she noticed Edward, she gave no sign. He inserted the correct change into the vending machine, watching her out of the corner of his eye. The coins clanked noisily. The buttons he pressed for his selection beeped, and the bag of chips fell with a crunch to the bottom of the machine. He fished them out, the door of the machine banging in the quiet of the room. Still, she paid him no attention.

He approached the table and cleared his throat. "Mind if I sit here?" he asked.

Finally she looked up, but just to give him a quick glance before returning to her book. "Sure," she mumbled.

He sat and munched his chips in silence for a moment, now staring at her unchecked. Her long brown hair had either fallen out or been pulled out of the usual messy bun she wore during work hours, and was tumbling down her shoulders in a thick sheet. She held a highlighter in her left hand, and he wondered briefly if she was left handed before remembering that he'd seen her scribble numerous orders down with her right hand. She was chewing on the end of a pen as her eyes flew across the page of the book she clutched in her right hand.

"Are you studying?" he finally asked, unable to stand the silence any longer. He realized half a second later what a stupid question that was.

She looked up. "Yeah," she said around the pen in her mouth.

"I've never seen you study at work before."

She removed the pen from between her teeth and set the highlighter down. "Yeah, I've got a couple of big tests coming up, and I don't seem to be able to find enough time to study for them."

Edward nodded. He'd assumed that she was a student since she always walked and never seemed to be without her backpack. "What subjects are your tests in?"

"Physics and Organic Chemistry," she said, rubbing her temples.

"Wow. What's your major?"

"Microbiology."

Edward furrowed his brow as he studied her. "Seriously? I didn't know anyone actually majored in things like that."

She laughed, and he felt a strange sense of pride in making her laugh. He also liked that she'd told him something about herself. He realized it wasn't like she'd revealed a deep dark secret, but it was something. He also realized that with this new knowledge, the picture of who she was hadn't gotten any clearer. Just the opposite; he found himself even more curious about her. Who was this girl?

"So, can I help?" he asked.

It was her turn to look at him with a puzzled expression. "You don't have to do that," she said, shaking her head as she turned her attention back to her book and notes.

"It's no problem. I'm happy to help." He smiled.

She stared at him for a moment, and then shrugged. "I guess you could quiz me on some of the vocabulary."

He nodded eagerly, and she handed over a stack of note cards. As they went through them, Edward realized he'd never heard of most of the words written in her small neat hand, but Bella knew almost all of them. Each time she gave the definition of a complicated term, he grew more impressed.

Edward was so engrossed in helping her study that when Mike poked his head it took him a minute to realize what he wanted.

"I better get back. My break's over. Seems like you're ready for your tests though," he said as he stood.

She sighed, apparently unconvinced. "Yeah, I should get back to work too. Thanks for your help."

"Anytime."

The rest of his shift passed uneventfully, and before he knew it he was climbing into his car to go home. He was just pulling out of the parking lot when he saw her. She was walking briskly in the opposite direction of the way he needed to go, but he turned his car toward her anyway. She'd turned him down every other time he'd offered her a ride, but he figured it couldn't hurt to ask her again.

He rolled his window down as he approached her. "I know you always say no, and you'll probably say no again, but I was thinking you're probably extra tired after all that studying and might want a ride home. Just this once." He smiled hopefully and waited to see how she'd respond.

She stopped and sighed. For a second he thought she might just ignore him and start walking again, but then with a smile, she shook her head and made her way from the sidewalk to his car. "Why not," she said as she climbed in. She turned to him. "Just this once."

Edward grinned and shifted the car into gear. "Where to?" he asked.

She directed him, and before long they pulled up in front of her dorm building.

"Thanks for the ride. Do you work tomorrow?" she asked as she scooped her backpack off the floor of his car.

He shook his head. "No, I'm off for a couple of days."

"Okay, well, see you in a couple of days then." She smiled as she climbed out. "Thanks again."

"Good luck on your tests tomorrow!" he called after her as she shut the door. For a moment he was afraid she hadn't heard, but then she nodded and waved and he knew she had. He waited to make sure she made it into her building safely before he drove slowly home.

As he climbed into bed a little while later, he found himself still thinking of her. He was puzzled when he realized that the idea of not seeing her for the next few days made him sad. As he lay staring at the ceiling fan, he tried to decide why he felt that way. Finally, he decided that he'd miss her because of all the help she'd given him at work. It seemed that in his newly changing life, she had quickly become something of a constant for him. That was all.

**A/N: Thanks for all the favorites and reviews. Also, once again Project Team Beta did a great job making this chapter better. :) **


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Four

"What are you grinning about?" Alice asked as Bella shut the door behind her.

Bella's smile turned to a scowl. She hadn't realized she'd been smiling. "Nothing, I—I don't know. Nothing," she said stumbling over her words.

Alice eyed her for a moment, but thankfully decided not to pursue it. "How was your day?" she asked.

Bella sighed. "It was okay. I actually got some studying done at work. That never happens. I just hope I'm ready for these tests tomorrow. My brain feels so crammed full I'm afraid I'm going to start forgetting other important stuff."

Alice giggled. "I'm sure that won't happen. And I'm sure you'll do fine on your tests tomorrow. You're the smartest person I know, Bell."

Bella rolled her eyes, just as she always did whenever Alice told her that. She shrugged out of her jacket and jeans, and plopped down on her bed, too tired to shower tonight. "How was your day?" she asked with a yawn.

Almost before Alice even began speaking, Bella felt herself drifting off, overcome by exhaustion. She tried to wake herself back up to listen to her roommate's lengthy description of her day, but it was no use. Within five minutes she was out cold.

Morning dawned bright and early, and Bella awoke uncharacteristically refreshed. She considered breaking open her notes one last time, but she felt too anxious. Instead, she opted for a run around campus. It'd been too long since she'd run, and she knew it would do both her muscles and her mind good to release some nervous energy. She laced up her running shoes and slipped out as quietly as possible, waiting to do her warm up stretches until she was on the front lawn of her building.

Once her feet hit the pavement and she began to establish a pace, she could practically feel the tension melting away. The air was cool and crisp, and as usual smelled of the ocean. After a quick circuit around the campus, she decided she wasn't quite finished and turned up the road that would lead her to the shoreline.

Where the campus had been deserted, the beach was full of other runners taking advantage of the early morning hours and cooler temperatures to get in their exercise. As she ran, she glanced at the waves crashing into the shore and marveled again that she actually lived here. San Diego was so far from her hometown of Las Cruces, New Mexico, both geographically and ideologically. When she'd first arrived here a year ago, this place had seemed like a foreign country, but now she couldn't imagine calling any other place home. She loved everything about it: the weather, the people, and the laid-back atmosphere. But most of all, she loved the ocean. She'd never seen the ocean before moving here, and she was still in awe, even after a year. She remembered the first day she'd seen it. She'd stood, open-mouthed and silent, just staring at the endless expanse of blue for what seemed like hours. She still felt like she could spend an eternity here just watching the waves and the birds and the people.

But a quick look at her watch was the reality check she needed. She was going to have to hurry now if she was going to shower and make it to class on time. Reluctantly, she turned away from the water and made her way back to campus. She showered and dressed quickly, twisting her still-damp hair into a bun on the top of her head. With a deep breath, she closed the door to her room and headed for class. Her first class was Physics, one of the two she had exams in today, and her stomach seemed to be doing a nervous little dance as she pulled open the heavy door and took her seat.

Ninety minutes later it was over, and she headed out the door. She felt fairly confident that she'd done well. She knew there was no way to know for sure until she received the results, but at least there hadn't been anything unexpected on the test; that made her feel a little better.

She had an hour break before Organic Chemistry, her next class and second exam of the day. Not wanting to waste even an hour of potential study time, she found a table in the corner of the library and spread her books and notes out around her. When she gathered up her materials fifty minutes later, she knew she was as ready as she could be.

The second test proved to be more challenging than the first. Afterward, when she reflected back on the test material, she knew for sure she'd missed at least a few questions. She sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it now. There was a certain amount of relief to be had just knowing that she was done and didn't have to stress about it anymore.

She didn't have any more classes until that afternoon, and usually she would have headed home to microwave herself something for lunch, but her stomach was still feeling nervous and she decided she didn't really feel like eating anything. Both classrooms had been a little cold, so, instead, she found a spot on the sunny lawn in front of the campus library and spread out, luxuriating in the feel of the sun on her chilled skin. She rolled up her sleeves, and pulled her hair out of its bun. It was still a little damp in the middle, and the bun had caused the rest of it to dry in soft waves. She tilted her face toward the sun, closing her eyes and breathing deeply for a moment.

When she began to feel a little warmer, she dug a book out of her backpack. It was a non-school book, a rare luxury for her. She rolled onto her stomach and opened it, ready to lose herself in the characters she had so little time for lately.

"Bella?"

She turned, squinting in the sun as she tried to see the face of the person standing over her. She held her hand in front of her eyes in an attempt to block the sun. "Edward? Is that you?"

"Sorry." He moved to her other side where she could see him better, and she rolled into a sitting position. "I thought that was you."

Bella gave him a puzzled smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I have class in the library annex."

"You're a student here?" she asked lamely. He'd never mentioned anything about school. But then again she knew next to nothing about him.

He nodded as he sat down cross-legged on the grass next to her. "Yeah, I just started."

Bella tilted her head. "But the semester began almost a month ago."

He nodded again. "Yeah, I know. I got a little bit of a late start. I'm just auditing this semester." He shrugged. "I just wanted to get started."

Bella nodded and gazed across the lawn as she leaned back on her hands, crossing her feet in front of her. "What's your major?" she asked.

"Um," Edward scratched his neck. "I'm not sure yet. I'm just trying to get some basic classes out of the way until I decide. It's not going to be Microbiology though, that's for sure," he added with a sheepish grin.

Bella laughed; the sound more light and carefree than it had been in a while, even to her ears. "So what are you taking?" she asked, noticing how green his eyes looked in the sunlight.

"Psychology, Algebra, Econ, and Humanities." As he spoke, he rested his forearms on his knees and pulled absentmindedly at the blades of grass beneath him.

"Wow," Bella said, impressed. "That's a heavy load for your first semester."

He shrugged. "I need to make up for lost time." His eyes became unfocused, and for a moment it seemed as if he was a million miles away. After a few seconds, he shook his head slightly and looked at her again. "Anyway."

She smiled and found herself wondering more about him. What had happened that made him so desperate to prove himself?

"What about you? Did you take your tests yet?"

She groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "Ugh. Yes, this morning. At least they're over. That's all I can say."

He tilted his head to one side and gave her a doubtful look. "I'm sure you did just fine. You did great when we studied last night."

She made a face at him and shrugged.

He laughed. "Well, you're right. At least it's done. I'm sure you're glad about that. What time do you work tonight?"

She shook her head. "I don't. I'm off tonight."

Edward was silent for a moment. Then he said, "We should go get some dinner or something. Unless you're sick of me. You have had to put up with my shenanigans all week long."

Bella raised an eyebrow, surprised. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she managed to speak. "Like a date or something?" She immediately regretted her words.

Edward smiled and shrugged. "Sure, I guess. Or…whatever." He gazed off in the distance, squinting in the sunlight.

"Um, I still have one more class this afternoon."

He shrugged. "Okay, well, I could pick you up from your place when you're done. Say six o'clock?"

Before she fully realized it, Bella felt herself nodding. Edward grinned and rose to leave, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he stood. "Great. See you at six."

Bella remained on the grass even after he'd left, still trying to understand why she'd said yes. But more than that, she wondered if this would in fact be a date. When she'd asked, he'd seemed fairly nonchalant about it. Did that mean that he didn't see it as a date? Her head was full to the point of spinning by the time she stood and made her way to her last class of the day.

It seemed as if time stood still during the ninety-minute lecture she sat through. Yet, when the professor finally stopped speaking and began putting away his materials, Bella felt her stomach flutter uncomfortably. She had to work to slow her legs down as she walked home; she was so full of nervous energy.

She was thankful that Alice wasn't home when she let herself into their room. She didn't want to explain where she was going. Bella going out in the evening to somewhere other than work would have definitely drawn questions from her well-meaning roommate.

Bella showered quickly, and then stood in front of her closet for ten minutes debating about what to wear. Was this a date? More importantly, did she want it to be a date? Bella hadn't dated anyone since coming to San Diego. She'd had a couple of boyfriends back home in high school, but no one ever lasted very long once they realized she was more interested in her school work than them. Did she want to date Edward? She didn't think so. She knew she was much too busy to worry about dating. Between the pressures of her school schedule and the ever-present worry about covering the expenses her scholarship didn't cover, she had enough on her plate. But, as she listed all of these reasons off in her head, Edward's face floated through her thoughts. In her mind's eye she saw him smiling, green eyes crinkling.

Frustrated, she sighed and yanked a sundress off its hanger. It was floral with spaghetti straps and hit her just above her knee. She figured it was nice enough for anywhere they might go, but still casual enough if this didn't turn out to be a date. She left her hair down, brushing it as it air dried into soft waves. Then she applied some eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss, and she was done. Deciding to wait for Edward down in the lobby, she grabbed her purse and a light sweater and locked her door. Once downstairs, she took a quick peek inside her wallet to check her cash supply. Silently she hoped that Edward didn't choose too costly of a restaurant. Her budget could barely afford dinner out, let alone an expensive dinner out. She doubted he would. After all, she knew roughly how much Peter paid his wait staff.

She peered out the window nervously, unable to remember exactly what his car looked like. Recognition dawned as she spotted it and pushed the heavy door open as she went to meet him. As she approached, he opened his door and stood, smiling as he pulled his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose and off. He moved to the passenger side and had the door open and waiting for her by the time she reached him.

"Hi," she said softly, more nervous than ever.

"Hi. You look nice," he said as he held the door open while she climbed in.

"Thanks, so do you." And he did. He was wearing a well-fitted white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of low-slung faded jeans and black leather boots.

"So, where to?" he asked once he'd climbed back in the driver seat.

Bella shrugged. "I don't know. I thought you had some place in mind."

Edward smirked and she noticed once more before he slid his sunglasses back on how his eyes crinkled in the corners. "I do. I was just trying to be polite." He put the car in gear and drove out of the parking lot, turning left once they reached the main road.

After a few minutes, Bella was no longer sure of where they were. "Where are we?" she mumbled as she gazed out the window trying to find some sort of familiar landmark. They'd traveled away from campus and away from the coastline.

"Worried?" Edward asked, glancing at her as he drove.

She shrugged. "No. I'm just not familiar with much beyond campus."

"Are you from around here, Bella?" he asked.

She shook her head, and then realized he probably couldn't see her since he was driving. "No," she added.

"Where are you from?" Edward asked.

"New Mexico. I moved here about a year ago for school. What about you?"

"Born and raised."

Before she had a chance to ask him anything else, they pulled up in front of a small restaurant. Bella looked around as she climbed out. It was tiny; there couldn't have been more than a handful of tables in the whole place, including the patio whose roof was lined with tiny twinkling lights.

"I hope you like Mexican." Edward said as they walked toward the entrance together.

Bella nodded. "I do. Very much."

Inside, soft music was playing and a young hostess greeted them.

"Could we have a table on the patio?" Edward asked. He turned to Bella, "Do you mind?"

She shook her head, and the hostess ushered them through the restaurant and out onto the small patio they'd seen from the street. The twinkling lights were attached to the roof's rafters and cast a soft glow on the tables and chairs. Bella found the effect quite charming.

Dinner flew by. The food was delicious, and Bella ate to the point of bursting. Surprisingly, conversation with Edward was pleasant and not at all strained. He asked her more questions about herself, and she found herself opening up to him, telling him about her mom and grandmother, her scholarship, even about her plans after college. He'd listen quietly and sometimes respond with either a nod or a word of assent to encourage her to continue. Then, when he was satisfied with her answer, he'd ask her another question.

As the waitress was clearing away their plates, she decided it was his turn. "So what about you? I know you're from here, but that's about it. Who is Edward Cullen?" she asked as she wiped her mouth with her napkin.

He set his fork down and shrugged. "There's not much to tell," he said quietly. "I'm just a guy who's trying to work his way through college. I'm not a genius like you, so I don't have a fancy scholarship. I'm just a working schmuck."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm hardly a genius. Just a hard worker."

The waitress came then and asked if they would be ordering dessert. Edward looked at Bella. "We have to have their fried ice cream. It's the best."

Bella groaned. "I'm so stuffed. I don't think I could eat another bite," she moaned clutching her stomach.

"We'll split it. Please," he begged, even going so far as to pout a little.

She laughed. "Fine! But I'm just going to eat one bite. You're already going to have to roll me out of here!"

He chuckled. "Deal."

The ice cream arrived, and of course he was right. It was delicious, and Bella ate more than the one bite she'd bargained for.

As they walked back to the car, Bella clutched her stomach and moaned. "Why did you make me eat so much?" she cried as she leaned against the car while Edward opened her door.

He shook his head. "I didn't make you eat anything. Well, except for the ice cream. But you didn't seem to protest too much once you tasted it!"

"Ugh, you're right. I don't think I'll be able to eat for a week."

He chuckled as he opened her door. "No, I like it. I hate it when girls act like they don't eat anything just to impress their dates."

She paused before climbing in. "So, is that what this was? A date?"

Edward paused and studied her. "Is that what you want it to be?" he asked quietly, his stare intense.

Bella paused, one hand on the doorframe, her face inches from Edward's. She was having a hard time breathing, but she didn't know if that was because she was so full, or from something else. "I—I don't know. I…" Flustered, she broke his gaze and climbed into the car. She took a deep breath, and when he climbed in on the other side, she turned to him. "Look, I like you, Edward. But if I'm being honest, I just don't have time to date anyone right now. It seems like I barely have time for work and school as it is." The words came all at once and in a rush. Afterward, she took a deep breath to try and steady herself.

Edward didn't look at her for a moment. Instead, he stared straight ahead through the windshield. Then slowly he nodded. "No, you're right. To be honest, I'm not looking to get involved with anyone either. I'm not sure why I asked you out. I…don't take that the wrong way. I like you too. But I need to concentrate on school right now too. Plus, we work together and I'd hate for things to get awkward." He still stared straight ahead as he spoke, and Bella couldn't tell if he was upset or not. After a moment, he took a deep breath and turned to her, smiling. "Should we go? I can drop you off."

She nodded, and a little while later she was thanking him and climbing out of his car before walking into her building. She turned and waved at him before he drove away, his headlights cutting through the dark before he disappeared.

She shivered as she made her way to the door. The night air had grown chill, and she realized she'd left her sweater in Edward's car. She hugged herself as she pulled open the door. Once inside, she turned and gazed out the window into the darkness. She couldn't help but feel like she was searching for something, but as she stood there in the dim foyer, she couldn't say exactly what it was.

**A/N: I'd love to know what you think so far. :) Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Five

Edward shut off the engine but didn't get out. He sat gripping the steering wheel and staring at nothing for what seemed like forever. The parking lot wasn't crowded; it almost never was. There were a few people coming out of the building, and even fewer going in, but he didn't pay them any attention. Instead he sat, trying to figure out why he was having such a hard time with this. He'd made this visit at least weekly for the past six months, and he didn't remember it ever being so difficult, except for maybe in the very beginning.

He thought back to the night before. Dinner with Bella had been the most enjoyment he'd had in a long time. He'd thoroughly enjoyed her company. She was smart—almost scarily so—and witty. He'd been pleasantly surprised by how funny she'd been once they were outside of their normal work atmosphere. Not to mention, she was attractive. Edward had found himself staring at her several times during the course of the evening. He'd never seen her long brown hair in anything except the messy bun she wore at work, and last night it had shone under the twinkling lights as it fell down her back in soft waves. He'd also never seen her in makeup. She didn't wear much, but what she did wear accentuated her full lips and her dark eyes. He had been relieved when they'd decided to just be friends. He had no business being attracted to anyone.

He shook his head as if to clear thoughts of her from his mind and pushed his car door open. His steps were heavy as he walked inside.

"Hey, Edward."

He smiled and nodded at Angela as she looked up from her paperwork to greet him. "How is she today?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Angela sighed and stood, looping her stethoscope around her neck as she joined him. They continued down the hall together. "The same." She smiled ruefully at him and patted his arm as they stopped in front of a nondescript doorway.

He nodded and took a deep breath before crossing the threshold into the room. The soft beeping of the machines that monitored her every function seemed especially loud to Edward's ears this day. So did the soft, rhythmic breathing that came from the bed in the center of the room. He approached the bed, holding his breath for a moment as she came into view.

She looked peaceful, at least. Some days when he came, she tossed and moaned without ever really waking. Those visits were the hardest. Today, as she laid peacefully, her blonde hair splayed across the pillow, her eyes closed, it was easy for him to pretend that she was only sleeping; that all he'd have to do was kiss her cheek or squeeze her hand and she'd open her eyes and smile at him as she stretched and yawned. But, he knew deep down that wasn't the case. She hadn't woken up in six months. Not since that fateful night.

He felt tears in the corners of his eyes and turned quickly away. Her curtains were still drawn, and he used them as an excuse to put some distance between them. He yanked the cord and they parted, spilling golden sunlight across the sterile white of the hospital bed. The sun was in her eyes, but she made no move to flinch or shield her eyes. He sighed and adjusted the curtain anyway.

There was a soft knock on the open door. "Do you want some water or anything?" Angela asked as she entered.

"No thanks. I'm fine."

She nodded and checked a few of the monitors, making some quick notes on the clipboard she held. "You doing okay?"

Edward shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

She studied him for a moment. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping all right?"

"Good enough, I guess," he answered. "I started school, so that probably has something to do with it."

Angela raised her eyebrows. "Good for you! Well, I better get back to some of my other patients. Let me know if you need anything. Stay as long as you want." She smiled and squeezed his shoulder before she left.

Once they were alone, Edward looked at the sleeping girl again. "Oh, Jane…" he mumbled, unable to look at her face for very long. This time, he didn't try and stop the flow of tears when they came. He gave into his grief, burying his head in his hands as sobs wracked his body. He cried until it seemed there were no tears left. Then he stood, walked to the small sink, and splashed cold water on his face. He used one of the towels he found on the counter to dry his face and then stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were red from the tears, but that wasn't what he was interested in. He ran his hand over his temple, his fingers searching for the thin white line that was barely visible.

He found it and felt his anger and guilt bubble up again. He slammed his fist on the counter as the injustice of it all overwhelmed him. How could he live with himself? How was there any fairness in this world when the only reminder of that dark, black evening that he had to bear was a tiny jagged scar, while the girl who lay in the bed on the other side of the room had lost everything? He gritted his teeth and bit back a scream as he laid his forehead on the smooth countertop, gripping the edges until his knuckles turned white.

Someone coughed behind him, and for the tiniest of seconds, he felt a surge of hope. He spun on his heel and cursed himself silently as his hope crashed to the floor. "Mrs. O'Brien, I didn't hear you come in," he said, looking anywhere but at her face as he took two steps away from the counter.

Mary O'Brien's eyes were cold as she stared at Edward. "I didn't know you'd be here," she said in a voice to match.

He nodded. "I come every week," he said softly.

She didn't respond, instead she sniffed haughtily as she plopped her handbag down at the foot of Jane's bed. She strode to the window and pulled the curtains open again. "Where is that nurse?" she asked as she pressed the call button that sat unused by Jane's head.

"Yes," Angela's voice crackled on the other end of the line.

"Has my daughter been turned today?"

"Yes, Mrs. O'Brien. Just before you came." There was a pause. "Will there be anything else?"

"No, that'll be all for now," Mrs. O'Brien answered in the tone of someone used to ordering others around.

She settled into the chair by the bed, and the silence in the room was awkward. Edward didn't know what to say. He wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment, but at the same time, he couldn't help thinking that maybe it was a good thing that he'd run into Jane's mother.

"Mrs. O'Brien," he began uneasily, still doing his best to avoid her eyes. "I've wanted to talk to you for a while, so I'm kind of glad we ran into each other like this. I hope you know how sorry I am about what happened."

Mary gazed at him for a moment before nodding slowly, her tone softer when she said, "I know you are. I've spoken to your mother several times, Edward. I know how what happened to my Jane torments you."

Tears ran down his cheeks again as he nodded. He made no effort to stop them. "I have so many regrets—about that night, about Jane, about everything." His voice was thick with emotion, and he took a deep breath and cleared his throat in an attempt to calm himself.

Mary O'Brien was silent for a moment while she watched him. "What happened that night was horrible. My Janie has paid a terrible price and will continue to pay it for who knows how long." She shrugged her shoulders and then sighed. She was silent for a moment before sighing again. "I'm trying, Edward. We're all trying to forgive you. We just need some more time."

He nodded. "I understand." He stood and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "I should go. I'm sure you'd like some privacy."

Mary smiled gently at him but didn't try and stop him. In the hallway, Angela was helping another patient back to his room. She gave him another sad smile but didn't try and stop him either.

Outside, the sun was bright compared to the sterile fluorescent lighting of the hospital. He took a deep breath as he walked toward his car. Once inside, he meant to turn the ignition and drive away, but for some reason he couldn't. His hands trembled as he gripped the steering wheel, and for the second time that day, his emotions got the best of him. Within the confines of his car, he pounded his frustration into the steering wheel and the upholstered seats.

It was a full ten minutes before he had regained his composure enough to start the car, slide it into gear, and pull safely out of the parking lot. He meant to drive home, but before he fully realized what he was doing, he'd turned and was following the road that would take him to so many of his old haunts. Clenching his jaw, he drove past the beach where he and his friends had spent countless hours playing volleyball. They'd lit innumerable bonfires, laughing and drinking while they watched the towering flames dwindle to smoldering ash as the morning sun rose. They'd been nothing more than a group of carefree friends. Then there were the surf shops he'd patronized. He even thought he could spot his father's boat bobbing up and down at the dock. How many times had he and his buddies taken it out into the bay with nothing but a cooler full of beer and a girl under each arm? But it was the final turn that made his teeth chatter. It took about twenty minutes for the scenery to change from sandy oceanfront to forest green. He knew he was on the right road when he spied the worn-down biker bar. This had been the last place they'd stopped before…he couldn't even finish the thought. He could almost hear Jane's musical laugh as they'd stumbled out of the bar and into the night. He'd chased her around the parking lot, tripping drunkenly after her as she screamed in delight at his advances. He'd finally managed to catch her and kiss her before they climbed unsteadily back into his BMW. He couldn't really remember much of what had happened after that.

Almost without his permission, his foot slid off the gas pedal, and he coasted to a stop just past the bar. He willed himself to go on. It had been six months; surely he could handle returning to the scene. But he couldn't. Try as he might, his body would not cooperate. His hands shook, and his feet felt like lead.

The sun had long since sunk below the trees by the time he finally admitted defeat. He switched on his headlights, put the car back into gear, flipped around, and headed home.

Once he reached his apartment, he flopped down on his bed. He wanted to shower, and his stomach growled insistently, but he couldn't seem to muster the strength to move. Instead, he closed his eyes, his head swimming as he tried to get Jane's face out of his mind. Exhausted as he was from the emotional strain of his visit with the girl he once loved, and his trip down memory lane, he didn't think he could sleep, but eventually sleep did come.

His dreams were filled with Jane. She was laughing, and he was chasing her again, this time through a forest. She turned and called to him. He smiled at her and reached for her hand, but before he could get to her, the scene morphed inexplicably, as dream scenes do, and all of a sudden, he was back in her hospital room. She lay still and calm, just as she always did when he visited her his waking hours. But when he approached the bed to look at her, he screamed. Instead of Jane's face, it was Bella's.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Also, a big thanks to PTB and mc101180 for their help in making this chapter better than it was. :) As always, I'd love to hear what you think! :) **


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Six

Life pretty much returned to normal for Bella after their date. Nothing much really happened. Bella went to school and work, and her life continued in the same way it had before she'd met Edward. Other exams and assignments came and went, and Bella devoted herself to her schoolwork, as usual.

But sometimes late at night, when she'd crawl into bed, exhausted from a long day, Edward would creep into her thoughts. She'd see his face and his smile and hear his laugh, and she'd let herself imagine what might have been. If her life were different, if she were a different person, maybe there could have been something more between them. Then she'd sigh and roll over and chide herself for being ridiculous. Bella had always been practical, and dating Edward Cullen wasn't practical. Dating anyone wasn't practical, not when she had such a clear plan of where she was going.

At work, Edward was pleasant if not a little more distant than he had been before. They'd say hello to each other and exchange pleasantries, but that was all. Bella felt relieved. She knew the two of them had made the right decision to just be friends, and by the looks of things, Edward was happy with their decision also.

One Friday night, about two weeks after their date, both Bella and Edward were working. Edward was done with his training, so the two had little reason to interact much anymore except when they'd pass each other in the kitchen or the hallway, and the break room. As usual, Bella's thoughts were filled with an upcoming lab assignment. The restaurant was crowded, so she and the rest of the staff were moving practically nonstop to keep up. By the end of the night, Bella's feet hurt and all she wanted to do was go home and go to bed.

At eleven o'clock, Peter locked the door, and the tired staff began their regular closing rituals: refilling the salt and pepper shakers, wiping down all the booths and tables, closing out their registers, and counting up their tips. When they were finished, Bella grabbed her backpack and prepared to head home, completely exhausted. She sighed as she pulled her hair free from its ponytail, running her fingers through it as it tumbled down her back.

"Tired?"

She jumped. She hadn't heard him come into the break room. Recovering quickly, she turned and smiled. Edward was standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and a weary smile on his face.

"Yeah. It's been a long week."

He made his way over to his own locker and retrieved his keys and wallet, shoving them into his pockets before turning to her again. "Let me give you a ride home."

Bella sighed. She was really tired, and the thought of walking even the few short blocks home wasn't appealing. "You sure?" she asked. "You probably want to get home, too."

Edward shrugged. "You're not that far from me."

"Okay," Bella agreed and they headed out.

When they reached his car, Bella was relieved that he didn't try to open her door for her. The ride to her dorm was mostly silent and a little awkward. She fidgeted, hands in her lap and eyes on the floor, as he drove. It felt like hours by the time Edward finally pulled up in front of her building, and she was suddenly anxious to get out of the confined space.

"Thanks for the ride," she said quietly, her hand already on the door handle. "I'll see you—"

"Bella." The word was so low at first she wasn't sure if he'd really spoken. When she turned back, she found him staring at her, closer than he had been a moment ago, his eyes intense, even in the dim light. "I can't stop thinking about you." His voice was soft but rough at the same time, and Bella felt her breath catch as chills ran along her spine. She watched him move closer still, and it seemed as if she was paralyzed, caught in the intensity of his gaze. Soon, his face was mere inches from hers. She felt dizzy so she took a quick, gasping breath. He was so close now she could smell him. He smelled like soap and aftershave and something else she couldn't quite identify. It was masculine and completely intoxicating.

She exhaled sharply, and in that moment, his lips were on hers. They were warm and soft, yet somehow firm, and she found her own lips responding despite the fact that she didn't remember ever giving them permission. After a moment, she felt his hand on the nape of her neck as he wrapped his fingers in the roots of her hair, tugging gently as he pulled her closer. She shivered again as more chills traveled up and down her spine. In response, she ran her own hand up his shoulder and neck. She'd always imagined that his hair would feel rough, but as she smoothed her hand up and down his neck, she realized his hair was surprisingly soft beneath her fingertips.

He was the first to pull away, breaking the kiss with a sigh, and Bella was both relieved and disappointed. Edward touched his lips with two fingers and looked down. "I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he mumbled, refusing to meet her questioning gaze.

Bella felt the color rising on her cheeks and hoped that he wouldn't be able to see her furious blush in the moonlight. "No, it's fine. I mean, don't worry about it." She searched desperately in the shadows for her backpack, and as soon as her fingers closed around the strap, she wretched the door open as anger and humiliation flooded her.

"Bella, wait," Edward called. his voice sad as he leaned over and tried to catch her hand. She felt his fingertips brush her arm, but she wriggled away from him and slammed the door. She sprinted the ten steps from his car to her door, never looking back. By the time she pushed the door to her building closed with a loud bang, hot tears were streaming freely down her cheeks.

She thanked her lucky stars that Alice was already asleep when she crept into their room. The last thing she wanted to do was explain her angry tears to her roommate. She undressed in the dark and climbed in between the covers, but sleep did not come. She tried to take deep breaths and close her eyes, but every time she did, she saw his face. She could still smell him, and she wondered if she was imagining it or if his heavenly scent had clung to her somehow. Frustrated, she threw off her covers. Maybe a shower would help her relax enough to sleep. At the very least she hoped it would wash away the scent of him, whether phantom or real.

She stood for a long time in the shower. If it hadn't been so late, she felt sure someone would have banged on her stall door to complain about the unreasonable length of her shower; or at least how much hot water she was using. But, because it was well after midnight, she was able to stand uninterrupted beneath the stream of steaming water. She'd hoped that the water would clear her head, but all it did was make her more confused. Her anger perplexed her more than anything. Finally, as she turned the faucet off, ancient metal protesting loudly, she decided that her resentment stemmed from the fact that Edward had kissed her after they'd agreed to just be friends. He'd broken their deal. But as she wrapped a towel under her arms, a tiny voice in the back of her head chimed in, telling her that she wasn't being completely honest with herself. She'd enjoyed that kiss, the voice reminded her, and if Edward's post-kiss reaction had been a little different, she wouldn't be feeling the way she was at the moment.

Irritated, she rubbed a towel through her wet hair and grabbed her hairbrush. She tugged it relentlessly through her thick locks, as if she could pull out that annoyingly honest voice by the roots of her long hair. When her hair shone and her scalp ached, she threw her brush into her bag and trudged back to her room. Once more she climbed into bed, and this time, although she tossed and turned for almost an hour, she finally drifted into a fitful sleep.

Alice's alarm clock jolted her awake. Flying out of bed, she cursed under her breath as she grabbed her own clock. Alice never woke up earlier than her. Cursing louder this time, Bella tossed her alarm clock on the bed. She'd been so upset the night before that she'd completely forgotten to set it.

Alice yawned and sat up. "What are you still doing here?" she asked, her voice still thick with sleep.

Bella threw her a furious glance and nodded. "I was just wondering that myself. My alarm didn't go off. I'm so late." Frantically, she pulled on the first pair of shorts she could find.

"So just skip it," Alice said through another yawn and flopped back onto her mattress.

Bella snorted derisively. She'd never skipped a class in her entire life. Besides, if she didn't go to class, what would she do? Catch up on homework? Chances were that after the previous evening, a free morning would involve more confused moping than studying, and Bella didn't have the patience for any more of that. She shoved her feet into a pair of flip-flops as she pulled a t-shirt over her head. She twisted her hair into a ponytail, grabbed her backpack, and headed for the door. "Bye!" she called to Alice who was still yawning and stretching.

She practically had to sprint to get to her first class on time, but she made it. She slid into an empty seat in the back just as the professor was making her way into the lecture hall. Bella smiled a little smugly as she pulled her notebook and a pen out of her bag, impressed with her own ability to pull herself together under pressure. When the lecture ended and she emerged into the bright sunlight, she debated whether she had enough time to go home and grab some breakfast. Then her stomach growled and made the choice for her.

She didn't see him until she was almost to the entrance of her building. He was leaning against the wall squinting in the sunlight. He smiled nervously when he saw her. Bella took a deep breath as she realized she'd been spotted and it was too late to flee.

When she reached him, he shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground around her feet. "I was hoping I'd find you," he said.

"Yeah," Bella answered, shrugging. "Well, I live here."

Edward laughed, and then there was awkward silence for a moment before he said, "I wanted to talk to you about last night. I wanted to apologize, actually. I—"

Bella cut him off. "It's fine. There's nothing to apologize for."

He sighed and looked at her, studying her face and making her even more uncomfortable. "No, I do need to apologize. I shouldn't have kissed you; but not because I didn't want to. I've wanted to kiss you for a while, Bella." He stopped when he noticed her blushing. He smiled and waited until she met his gaze. "It's true." For a moment they stood staring at each other, and time stood still. Then Edward's expression turned sad, and he dropped his eyes back down to the ground.

"Okay, well…" Bella said after a few more awkward moments. "Apology accepted then, I guess."

Edward chuckled. "Thanks. Look, I meant what I said. I shouldn't have kissed you. But I think I was wrong before."

Bella furrowed her brow. "About what?"

"About us being friends."

Bella rolled her eyes and huffed, confused. "So you don't even want to be friends now?"

Edward laughed again, and she felt herself growing more frustrated. She wished the ground would swallow her up so she could be anywhere but there.

"No, I think we should be more than friends." His expression and his gaze turned serious, and Bella felt her stomach do a nervous flip. She was speechless for a few moments, and Edward added, "Unless you don't want to. I know you said you have a lot going on, so I'll understand if…" He trailed off.

More than friends. Bella studied him for a moment longer. Everything she'd said before was true; she didn't have time for dating. But as she stood there looking at him, his hands shoved in his pockets, green eyes searching hers questioningly, something inside her shifted. Before she knew it, she found herself saying, "Okay."

Immediately, Edward smiled brightly and Bella couldn't help but laugh at the change that came over him so quickly. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"So, can I take you out again?" he asked, grinning.

Bella nodded as she felt herself blushing slightly.

"Tonight?"

She shook her head. "I have to work."

He nodded. "Okay, when is your next day off?"

Within five minutes, they'd set a date for their next mutual day off, Friday.

"Well, I should go," Edward said, pushing himself off the wall. "I'm sure you need to get back to…whatever you were doing."

Bella laughed. "Yeah, okay." She checked her watch, wondering if she'd still have time to eat. She waved to him and had one hand on the door when he called to her.

"I promise you the next time I kiss you, it won't be because I've ambushed you in my car. It'll be because you want me to," he said, grinning at her just before he climbed into his car.

He was gone before Bella could respond, so instead, she just smiled and pushed open the door. If only he realized that she had wanted it the first time.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Leave me a review and let me know what you think so far. :)**


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seven

Edward closed his eyes and gripped the steering wheel with shaking hands. He had another ten minutes before he was supposed to pick Bella up. Anticipating his own reaction, he'd purposely left early to give himself extra time.

Jane's face flashed through his thoughts, and he gritted his teeth as he pushed it aside. He had promised himself this night would not be about her. After that day in the parking lot of Bella's building, he'd panicked a little. He had only gone to apologize to Bella for the way he behaved after kissing her. He'd never intended to ask her out. But as he'd stood looking at her while she'd squinted up at him in the bright sun, her hair shining as the noonday sun hit it, something had struck him.

Rebellion had coursed through his veins. Why shouldn't he be entitled to a little happiness? How long was he expected to pay for his mistakes? According to everyone in his family, he'd paid enough. He remembered the last conversation he'd had with his father.

"Don't let one youthful indiscretion ruin your entire future, son," his father had said. That had angered Edward. Was Jane's life merely a youthful indiscretion? He owed her more than that. And yet, he couldn't deny he wanted to be happy.

That was the turmoil of emotions that had plagued him for days. And as he sat in the parking lot of his apartment building, he tried to will himself to leave, while at the same time he was begging himself to stay.

He took a deep breath and told himself that he was being ridiculous. It was just one date. Maybe he'd been mistaken about the chemistry he thought they shared. Maybe the kiss had been just a fluke.

The kiss. The thought of it made him smile and ache at the same time. He had known it was wrong even before he'd done it, but he'd been unable to stop himself. The way she'd looked in the moonlight, the smell of her in the close confines of his car, the way her eyes had grown wide in the split second before he'd pressed his lips to hers when she'd realized his intentions. It had all been too much.

But maybe he'd misread everything. It had been a long time since he'd dated anyone; maybe he was out of practice. Maybe this would just be a cordial, friendly date, and then the both of them could get back to their lives, knowing that they'd given dating a fair shot.

The thought compelled him to put his car into drive and make the short trip to Bella's building. Just as she had been when he'd picked her up for their first date, she was waiting for him. She smiled as she approached the car, and Edward knew that all of his deluded self-talk about not feeling anything for her had been just that: a delusion. She looked stunning in herherher loose fitting blouse and long slim jeans.

She climbed into the car and grinned as she clicked her seatbelt on. "So, where to?" she asked, tossing her hair, which he noticed she'd curled so that it fell in big ringlets down her back.

He smiled back, and just like every other time he was with her, everything else faded into the background. It was too easy to forget reality in her presence. "Well, I was going to suggest the carnival down by the boardwalk, but you're dressed much too nicely for that."

She shook her head. "No, it's fine, really. I'd like that."

They arrived, and Edward parked in the already crowded lot. The night was cool, the ocean breeze blowing gently. They decided to start at one end of the carnival and work their way to the other. Just as the parking lot hinted, the carnival was packed, and small children darted in front of them and ran around them as they walked. Edward scowled at them, but Bella just laughed.

"They're just kids having fun. Leave them alone."

He smiled, knowing she was right. Soon they approached the fairway. Neon lights flickered brightly all around them, and loud, cheerful music blared out of the speakers that had been attached to giant wooden poles set into the ground every dozen feet or so. Brightly colored streamers and banners were strung between the poles beneath the speakers. Carnival workers shouted over the blare of the music and the din of the crowd, attempting to attract potential customers with flattery, or in some cases, insults. The effect was a chaotic scene that made Edward's head swim a little.

Bella smiled though, as she turned to him. "What game are we going to play?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You want to play a game? Against me?" She nodded eagerly, and he laughed and shrugged. "Okay, suit yourself. You pick."

She spun on her heel, examining each of the booths the carnival had to offer before she finally pointed. "That one." She grabbed his hand and pulled him along behind her.

It was a simple game. To win a prize, all they had to do was throw three footballs through a rather large ring.

He motioned for Bella to go first. She took a deep breath as she picked up the ball. He was impressed when she held it correctly. Most girls he knew wouldn't know how, but Bella lined her fingers up expertly with the laces, and when she pulled her arm back and released, he saw that she had a good stance and even followed through. He was definitely impressed. But she still didn't make it. He shrugged sympathetically when she turned back to him. Her next two shots went wide also, and her shoulders slumped as she made her way back to where Edward was waiting.

"You were so close!" he said encouragingly.

She rolled her eyes. "Your turn, hot shot."

Edward smirked as he picked up the first ball. It felt strange to have a ball in his hands again; strange, but somehow good. He turned it over in his hands a couple of times, hefting it to feel the weight.

"Stop stalling!" Bella called from behind him.

He chuckled as he waved her off. Concentrating on the ring, he pulled his arm back and released. The ball sailed cleanly through, just as he'd known it would. He turned back to look at Bella. She stood staring at the hole where the ball had disappeared, mouth slightly open.

When she realized he was looking at her, she recovered. "Bet you can't do that again."

He did it again; two more times. By the time they left the booth, Bella was carrying a huge brown teddy bear with a pink bow. She grunted as she struggled with its bulk.

"Heavy?" he asked as he walked by her side.

"No, just…awkward. Thanks though," she grumbled the last part, and Edward had to laugh.

"You don't have to carry that stupid thing. I just couldn't resist when I saw the look on your face."

"It's…nice. It's just…where am I going to keep it? I live in a dorm."

Edward laughed again. "Just put it on that bench. It's okay, really."

Bella stopped and looked around. But instead of abandoning it as Edward suggested, she headed in the opposite direction. Puzzled, Edward watched her, trailing slightly behind her. She approached a group of giggling adolescent girls and spoke a few words to them. Edward couldn't hear the conversation, but he could hear the squeals of delight as the girls relieved Bella of the ungainly bear.

"That was really nice of you," he said when she returned to where he was waiting. She shrugged and they started walking again. "Are you hungry?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Sure, I could eat," she said. "But then, I'm a poor starving college student. I can always eat."

He laughed. "Well, you picked the game. Does that mean I get to pick the food?"

She agreed and went to find them a place to sit amongst the sea of tables full of carnival goers. He made note of where she was sitting before he headed off to order their food. When he approached the table a few minutes later, he watched her eyes grow wide as he set down a tray laden with food in front of her.

"What is all that?" she asked.

"This, my friend, is the best deep-fried fare the carnival has to offer."

There was the traditional selection: juicy corn dogs, sweet and crunchy funnel cakes, even tender chicken fingers; but he'd gone out of his way to order a sampling of things he thought she might have never had before.

"Are those…pickles?" she asked, poking at the green disks that had been breaded and fried.

"Yes, ma'am."

She tasted each new item, and he watched her with delight as her face lit up. She liked almost everything and matched him almost bite for bite. After a while, however, she leaned back in her chair, groaning. "Why do you always do this to me?"

He laughed as he watched her. "Do what?"

"Make me eat so much."

"Well, you said you're a poor starving college student. You should take a free meal where you can get it." He winked.

She made a face. "Yeah, well, you're a poor starving college student too."

He remained silent, choosing instead to chuckle as he watched her squirm in her chair, trying to get comfortable. He had no idea why, but it made him very happy to feed her. He gazed out across the carnival. It was even more packed than when they'd arrived, but he didn't really see the throngs of people. He was lost in his own thoughts. Bella's voice brought him back to the present.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, tilting her head as she studied him.

He nodded and smiled. "I'm good." He glanced at his watch. "You ready to get out of here?"

Bella wiped her face on her napkin and nodded. "Sure."

Instead of leading her back to the car, however, Edward turned and headed down the rocky path that led to the beach. He stopped halfway down the path and turned to Bella. "I thought we'd head down to the beach for a while. Is that okay?"

Bella smiled and nodded. "Sure."

"The path can be a little treacherous. Do you want to take my hand?" he asked. She grasped his outstretched hand with her own, and Edward noticed how small and warm it was. He enclosed it protectively in his own as he led her safely through the path and onto the soft sand.

Just as he'd hoped, the beach was significantly less crowded than the carnival had been. The tide was just starting to come back in, and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks was like music to his ears. The moon reflected off the wet sand and the water that lapped at their feet, casting everything in a pale silver light. The birds that stalked the beaches by day had all returned to their nests, so the only sound was the rhythmic crash of the waves as they made their relentless path back and forth across the shore.

Edward looked at Bella. Their hands were still clasped, but she was staring out across the ocean, a small smile on her lips. The sight of her in the pale moonlight almost took Edward's breath away. The moon had washed most of the color from her, leaving her skin a pale porcelain. The breeze blew several tendrils of hair across her face, and she pushed them back with her free hand. It was her expression that really moved him, though. For the first time since he'd met her, she looked completely relaxed and content. The frown lines that sometimes worried her brow were gone, and whether it was a trick of the moon's sparse light, or if she really was feeling more relaxed, Edward didn't know.

"You really like the ocean, don't you?" he asked softly after a moment, hesitant to break the peaceful silence that had befallen them, but desperate to know how she was feeling.

She smiled and nodded. "It's my favorite part about living here. I could spend hours here."

He nodded as he followed her gaze, taking in the endless expanse of water. "I know what you mean. When I was little, I used to sit on the beach for hours. My brother would always want me to help him build sand castles, but I just wanted to close my eyes and feel the ocean, even when I wasn't in the water, I could still feel the ocean. I still can." He closed his eyes, and it was Bella's turn to watch him. After a moment, she took a step closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder as she closed her own eyes.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her now that she was even closer. He'd sworn to himself, and to Bella, that he wouldn't kiss her again until she wanted him to, but he was having a hard time staying still. Suddenly though, she was standing in front of him, gazing up at him. She smiled as she brushed his cheek with the palm of her hand. He wished there was more light so that he could see her eyes and better read her expression.

"Edward," she whispered, her voice low against the sound of the waves against the shore. "You don't fit into any of my plans." She smiled and ducked her head, and Edward felt his stomach drop. Was she rejecting him? She continued, "But I don't seem to be able to convince myself to stay away from you; even though I know I probably should." She looked up at him and smiled again. "Don't hurt me, okay?"

She looked so vulnerable that Edward felt like he had no choice but to wrap her in his arms and hold her close. She shivered slightly against him, but he wasn't sure whether it was the ocean breeze or emotion that made her tremble. "I won't," he whispered. She tilted her head, and her lips found his in the darkness. Their first kiss had been hurried and passionate, full of need and frustration; but this time when their lips met, it was sweet and full of promises and hope.

Edward sighed and hugged her tighter when their lips finally parted. He ran his hand up and down her back and kissed the top of her head as she rested it against his chest. He hoped like hell he could keep the promise he'd just made.

**A/N: :) **


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Eight

After many more minutes and several kisses, they made their way back to Edward's car. Bella felt a little lightheaded from all that had transpired. She was surprised to see how late it had grown when Edward turned on the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Do you want to come to my place?" he asked, then added quickly, "I mean, if you want to. It wouldn't be…I just thought…" He trailed off, and Bella laughed.

"I'd love to come over sometime soon, but tonight probably wouldn't be a great night." The thought of going to Edward's apartment sent a thrill of anticipation up her spine, but she wasn't quite ready for that.

Edward nodded. "Of course." He laughed and sounded a little embarrassed.

"Another time. Soon," she reassured him.

He grinned at her and shrugged, and she laughed again. Impetuously, she reached over and pressed his knee. Edward looked a little surprised at first, but then he smiled and covered her hand with his own, weaving his fingers in between hers as he squeezed.

In what seemed like no time, they pulled up in front of Bella's building, and she found herself wishing she'd agreed to go to his apartment. But it was too late now, and she knew she'd regret it in the morning if she did go with him, so instead she turned toward him and smiled.

"I had a really nice time tonight," she said softly.

He smiled and nodded. "I'm glad. Me too."

"Well, I better go." But her hand was still on his knee clasped inside his much larger hand, and instead of letting her go, he tightened his grip and pulled her toward him. He grinned and leaned in to kiss her one last time.

"Trouble," he murmured when he finally pulled away slightly. He rested his forehead against hers and sighed.

Bella giggled and pulled away from him, kissing his forehead once before climbing out of the car. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said as she leaned in through the open window. "Bye."

She sprinted to the door, afraid that if she looked back, he'd be gone and she would have just imagined the whole evening. But she did chance a look back just before she stepped through the threshold of her building, and he was still there, his face barely visible inside the dark car; but she knew he was watching her. She waved and then disappeared inside.

Inside their room, Alice was still awake, music playing softly from her laptop as she worked. "You're home late. Where have you been?" she asked without looking up.

Bella took a quick breath and decided it would be better to get this over with sooner rather than later. "I had a date," she said as she slipped off her shoes.

The near constant clicking of the keyboard stopped, and the room was silent for a moment before Alice rotated slowly in her chair to face Bella. "A date?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yes."

"With whom?"

Bella rolled her eyes at Alice's blatant surprise. "With a guy I met at work."

Alice looked at Bella for a moment and then sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, so, spill!"

Bella laughed and plopped down on her bed. She made a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a groan and ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know, Al. It's all pretty new. Tonight was our first date. Well, actually our second, but the first one we're counting. It's kind of a long story."

"So, what's he like? Oh my God, do I really have to pull all this information out of you? Just tell me!" Alice said, flopping down dramatically next to Bella and throwing her hands up in the air.

"He's great. He's funny and is always making me laugh. He's strong, but it feels like there's something really vulnerable under this tough shell he's built around himself. I don't know. There's just something about him."

"So, he works at Lucky's? Is he a student too?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah, but he's a local. Born and raised. He just started school."

"How old is he?"

"Our age."

Alice furrowed her brow as she picked up her pen and began to chew on the end. "But he's just starting school? Why so late?"

Bella realized she didn't really know and shrugged.

"Have you met his family?"

Bella shook her head and held her hands out in front of her. "No, no, no. We're not even close to that yet."

"Have you kissed?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"And…?"

Bella grinned. "He's…amazing."

Alice beamed at her, eyebrows raised as she swiveled back and forth in her chair. "Girl, you got it bad."

"No I don't. I just…I don't…I…" She trailed off and Alice laughed. Bella sighed and placed her hands on either side of her face. "Alice, what am I doing? I don't have time for a boyfriend!"

Alice threw her head back and laughed at her again. "Bella? Would you just relax? You need this. I have never met anyone who's more tightly wound than you. You need to make time for this. This boy makes you happy, and you need to take advantage of that. Stop worrying about school, stop worrying about where things are going with him; just enjoy yourself. Have fun. Be a normal college student!"

Bella groaned again and flopped onto her back, her hair splaying around her. "I don't know if I know how to do that," she said softly as she stared at the ceiling.

"He'll teach you, I'm sure," Alice said, laughing. Bella supposed Alice was right.

In the morning, Bella decided to take advantage of the fact that it was Saturday and slept in. When she awoke several hours later than her usual time, she rolled over, searching for her phone. She decided to make her weekly call to her mother. She listened quietly as her mother brought her up to speed on her grandmother's condition, as well as various friends and neighbors Bella had known since childhood. Hearing about the people she'd known long enough to call family always made Bella a little homesick.

"Well, tell Mrs. Shields that I hope her dog feels better soon," Bella said as she cradled the phone with her shoulder. She picked up one of her notebooks and began to doodle absentmindedly on one of the blank pages. "What else is new, Mom?"

Her mother then spent another ten minutes complaining about her job. Finally, when her news had all been shared, she turned her attention to her daughter. "So how are things there, honey?"

Bella nodded even though her mother couldn't see her. "Things are good. School's good. Work's good." She shrugged.

"I worry about you, dear. You need to get out more. Have a little fun."

Bella paused for a moment, debating whether she should mention Edward. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but in the end, she decided to wait. She knew her mother would overreact, and things with Edward were still too new. If things went well, there'd be plenty of time to tell her mother all about him later.

Instead she sighed and said, "I know, Mom. I try. It's just hard. I'm busy." She reached for a bottle of nail polish sitting on her nightstand. Carefully, she opened it as she pulled her knees to her chest.

"We're all busy, Bella. You have to set priorities and make time for things."

Bella furrowed her brow and bit down an irritated remark about what her priorities were. The fact that her mother didn't understand why she was working so hard was nothing new. It was a conversation they had almost every time they spoke. Her mother couldn't help it. "I'll try to make more time to do something fun, okay? If I promise to do that, will that make you happy?"

"I just want you to be happy!" her mother cried.

"I am happy, Mom. I promise. Going to school and learning is what makes me happy." And more recently, Edward. But she refrained from adding that part as she brushed the brightly colored polish over her toenails. She finished and flopped onto her back, sticking her legs straight up in the air and waving her feet back and forth to dry the paint.

Her phone beeped indicating an incoming text, and she pulled the phone away from her ear. It was from Edward, and she grinned as she read it. "Mom, I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?"

Her mom didn't protest too much, and a few moments later, she was listening to the sound of Edward's phone ringing as she waited for him to pick up.

"Hello," he said, answering on the third ring. His voice sounded sleepy, and Bella grinned.

"Hey there. What are you up to?"

He yawned and she imagined him stretching as he lay bed a few blocks away. "Being lazy. I'm still in bed," he answered, laughing embarrassedly as he confirmed her suspicions. "What about you?"

"I guess I'm being lazy, too. I'm still in bed. I just got off the phone with my mom."

Edward was silent for a moment. "How is she?" he finally asked.

"She's good. The same." She regretted bringing up her mother with him. She didn't want to talk about her family. She searched for a subject change. "So, thanks for last night. I had a great time."

"Me too," Edward said. "Where did you learn to throw a football, anyway?"

"My dad," Bella said, her voice quieter than it had been. Before Edward could ask any more questions, she shot back, "What about you? You at least made your passes."

"High school," he answered, and Bella wondered if she was imagining it, or if his voice was a little quieter too. She wondered if he also had something he didn't want to talk about.

"So, what are you doing today?" she asked, eager to talk about something else, for both their sakes. In the back of her mind, she knew she wanted to see him again, but she didn't want to seem too anxious. Besides, she was sure he probably already had plans.

"I have to work tonight, but I don't really have any plans until then. Want to hang out? Do you have to work?"

Bella grinned to herself as she rolled over and wiggled her drying toenails. "I work tonight, too, but I might possibly be available before work."

"Might possibly, huh? When will you know for sure?" Edward asked, his tone playful.

"Maybe it depends on what you want to do."

Edward chuckled. "I was thinking maybe the beach again."

Bella agreed, and ten minutes later, she was standing in front of the long mirror on her closet door wishing she owned a different swimsuit.

Alice walked in. "You're going to the beach?" she asked, eyeing Bella as she plopped her grocery bags down on her desk.

Bella sighed and shrugged. "Maybe not. I hate this swimsuit," she said, her voice a desperate whine. It was a one piece she'd owned forever. To her surprise, she'd realized this morning that despite her love of the beach, she hadn't spent a lot of time there in a swimsuit.

Alice smiled knowingly. "You're going with Edward." It wasn't a question, but Bella nodded anyway. Alice skipped over to her dresser and pulled open one of the drawers. "Why don't you borrow one of mine?"

It turned out Alice owned five swimsuits, all two pieces. Bella rejected two of them right away. They were tiny, and Bella was at least a few inches taller than Alice. There was no way they'd fit. But the other three were somewhat promising. She tried them on while Alice unpacked her groceries. The third one she almost liked.

"What do you think about this one?" she asked, turning back and forth in front of the mirror. It had blue and white polka dots with boy short bottoms. She liked the extra coverage the bottoms gave her, and the top was flattering as well.

Alice studied her for a moment. "I like it. Here"—she strode to her closet and dug for a moment—"This cover-up should go with it." She tossed it at Bella, who caught it and pulled it over her head. It was a loose-fitting white mesh dress that stopped mid-thigh. "And here, this hat will look cute too. Let me see if I have some shoes that go with it, too."

Fifteen minutes later, Bella was ready. Virtually everything she had on was Alice's, from the borrowed suit, to the big floppy blue hat and the white-rimmed sunglasses Alice had insisted she take, even though Bella had protested that she had her own. In the end, however, Bella had worn her own shoes. Alice's had been slightly too small. Luckily, she'd had a pair of white flip flops that matched. She tucked a towel, sunscreen, and her cell phone into an oversized beach bag, also Alice's, and headed down to the lobby to wait for Edward.

As she waited, she felt a small pang of guilt. She should have at least shoved a textbook into her bag so she could have gotten some studying done. But before she could run back upstairs, Edward's car rounded the corner, and she had no choice but to head out to meet him.

He grinned as she climbed in. "Hey there," he said.

Bella greeted him and smiled as she took in his appearance. He looked good. His board shorts had a green, white, and black Hawaiian pattern, and his white t-shirt was thin and snug-fitting. A pair of sunglasses rested on top of his head.

They reached the beach and he parked. The day was flawless, and it was already crowded. They had to walk for a while before they found an empty spot.

"How's this?" Edward asked, gesturing to an empty patch of sand. He'd pulled his sunglasses back down over his eyes, but he still squinted at her in the sun. Bella nodded and unrolled her towel. Edward did the same before pulling his shirt up over his head. Bella tried not to stare. He was tan and muscular and even better looking without a shirt. Bella sighed as she pulled her own cover-up over her head and squirted a glob of sunscreen into her hand. She applied it carefully to all the exposed skin she could reach, but she knew there was a large patch of unprotected skin on her back.

"Want some help?" Edward asked. Bella nodded, and he took the bottle from her hand and moved onto her towel. She shivered slightly as she felt his hand sweeping her hair off her neck. She reached back and gathered it up into her hand and out of his way, leaving her back exposed. The breeze was warm, but goose bumps still appeared on her skin as Edward began to rub the lotion across her back. His hands were strong and a little rough, and Bella's heart sped up as his fingers worked the lotion into her skin. She closed her eyes and focused on keeping her breathing normal, and then suddenly, his fingers were gone, and Bella wished she had more unreachable skin.

"Okay," he said, his voice rough as he cleared his throat. "I think I got it all."

"Thanks," she said, her voice a little shaky.

"Do you think you could get my back now?" he asked.

Bella nodded, and Edward turned around. She had to get up on her knees to reach his neck and shoulders. As she rubbed, she could feel his muscles rippling under her hands. He was warm, and she was fascinated with the way her fingers slid across his surprisingly soft skin. "Okay, I think I got it all," she said after a few moments. But before she could remove her hands, Edward reached back and gently caught her wrist. He twisted so he was looking up at her. Her hair fell down over his shoulder, creating a curtain that hid them from the rest of the world, and their faces were only inches apart. They stared wordlessly at each other for a moment, and then Edward tugged her arm down slightly, bringing her face to meet his. His lips found hers, and a soft sound escaped her throat.

They broke apart after a few moments, and Edward grinned. "Okay." He cleared his throat. "Race you to the water!"

Before Bella could respond, he'd hopped up and was streaking toward the shoreline. She laughed and followed, hot on his heels. He was fast, but she was a runner, and he didn't stand a chance. She caught up to him easily, and they crashed into the surf together, gasping as the cold water hit their bare skin. Bella dove underwater and plunged through the surf. She came up a moment later, pushing her wet hair off her face and looking around. Edward was nowhere to be seen. The water was over her head now, so she treaded water for a moment as she looked for him. She gasped a moment later when he broke the surface right behind her.

He laughed at her surprise and grabbed her around the waist. She giggled and slapped his chest playfully, but a moment later, her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck as their lips met once again. His hands felt warm and strong as they pressed against her back, drawing her closer to him. She sighed and smiled at him when their lips finally separated. He grinned back and pressed his forehead into hers.

They spent hours that way: plunging through the surf, chasing each other through the water, and then racing back to their towels to warm themselves in the bright sunshine.

It wasn't until Bella's stomach protested loudly that she realized how late it was. She fished her cell phone out of her bag and checked the clock. She groaned as she flopped back onto her towel. Edward, who had been lying on his stomach, peered at her through one half-opened eye.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"We have to go."

Edward pushed himself up into a sitting position, sand clinging to his chest and belly. "Already?"

Bella nodded sadly as she sat up, folding her legs under her. Strands of wet hair hung down her back.

Edward smiled at her as he reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of one hand. "You're so beautiful," he murmured.

Bella wasn't sure what to say, so she just smiled and grabbed his hand with her own.

Reluctantly, they began to gather up their belongings and headed back to the car. Bella didn't want the day to end, but they both had to be to work in a few short hours. As they trudged back to Edward's car, Bella took heart in the fact that at least they'd be together at work that night.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I'd really love to know what you think so far. Leave me a review? :) **


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Nine

He stared down at her sleeping form and smiled. "Bella..." Edward said softly as he reached down and ran one finger along her cheek. She stirred slightly, her brow furrowing before her face relaxed back into sleep again. "Bella…" he called again, relentless.

She grumbled and opened one eye, squinting as she struggled to focus. "What time is it?" she asked, yawning. Edward grinned, and then with a jolt, she sat up suddenly. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I…" She cast her eyes around the room furiously, panicked for reasons he couldn't imagine.

"Hey, it's okay. You're fine." He reached out and stroked her cheek in an attempt to calm her frenetic flailing. "It's ten-thirty. I'd have let you sleep, but I don't think my couch is very comfortable."

She began to calm, and she smiled sheepishly at him. "I'm sorry. Is the movie over? I think I missed the whole thing. I'm just so tired…" She ended with a yawn and Edward laughed.

"It wasn't that great anyway. You didn't miss much," he said with a chuckle as he lifted up her feet and sat down next to her on the couch. She pivoted and sat up so they were side by side, and he laughed as she stifled another yawn.

"I better go," Bella said, rolling her eyes and laughing at her own exhaustion.

"You don't have to," he said, smiling at her.

"I don't think I can stay awake any longer. Not that I've done that great of a job staying awake so far."

"No, Bella. I mean…you could stay," he said softly, not quite able to meet her gaze. When he did manage to look up at her, she was searching his face and a small smile spread across her lips. His stomach flipped several times as his heart picked up speed. They'd been dating for a month now, and while she'd spent plenty of time at his apartment, Bella had never stayed over before. She smiled as she moved closer to him, taking his face in her hands as their lips met.

"Okay," she whispered against his lips.

Their kisses grew more passionate, breathing more heavy, and after a few moments, Bella moved so she was sitting on Edward's lap, one knee on either side of him. He grinned and slid his fingers along her waist and up her back. She reached down and brushed his hands aside gently as she gripped the hem of her shirt and lifted it up over her head. Bella smiled as she gazed down at Edward. But the smile slid off her face as she saw Edward's expression. He was as frozen as immovable stone.

"Edward?" Bella whispered.

He opened his mouth several times, but no words came out. A sudden and undeniable panic gripped him, and there was a dull roar in his ears. He no longer saw Bella in front of him; instead, he was staring at a rain-slicked road and a mangled mass of twisted, smoking metal. Jane's voice sounded in his head as she called for him, her voice a strangled cry. Jane. His heart raced, and he felt both chilled and flushed at the same time. Finally, he managed to say in a tortured voice, "I can't. I'm sorry."

Bella's expression turned to one of anger and embarrassment, and a pink flush swept up her chest and neck and onto her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I thought…" She fumbled for her shirt and stretched it clumsily over her chest as she struggled to rise from his lap.

Her movement seemed to spur Edward out of his stupor. Finally, he saw the girl standing in front of him, hair tousled and falling around her shoulders, crumpled shirt stretched awkwardly to cover herself, her big brown eyes brimming with tears as she tried desperately to avoid meeting his gaze. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment just as Edward's heart burned with shame. He sighed, conflicted, tormented, and despairing. "No, Bella, I..." He faded off, his tongue suddenly too large for his mouth.

"No, it's fine. I should go," Bella mumbled as she pulled her shirt roughly over her head and searched for her backpack. She found it and slung it over her shoulder.

"Bella." Edward's voice was tortured, and he scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration. What was wrong with him? "Wait…Please..." But his attempt to stop her sounded half-hearted, even to his ears, and Bella was already at the front door.

"It's fine. I have class in the morning anyway," Bella answered. Her eyes remained downcast, and she still refused to meet his gaze. She slipped through the door and closed it behind her with a quiet click.

It took Edward a moment to come to his senses and realize he should have offered her a ride home. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed his keys and ran out the door after her.

Outside his apartment, the streetlights cast a yellow glow on the parking lot and sidewalk. He scanned the lot, but she was nowhere to be seen. Quickly, he unlocked his car and threw himself into the driver's seat, hopeful that he could find her before she'd gone too far. He wasn't sure what he'd say to her, or if she'd even speak to him, but at least he could make sure she got home safely.

He turned the key in the ignition, but nothing happened. Puzzled, he waited a split second before trying again. Still the engine refused to respond, a dull clicking the only noise the car made. He slammed his fist into the steering wheel and wrenched open his door.

"Bella!" he called into the empty night, uncaring about the spectacle he might be making of himself. He whirled around, searching in vain for her. He practically sprinted the few blocks to her dorm building; his eyes peeled for her every step of the way. She was nowhere to be found. Her building stood tall and silent against the black sky. He contemplated going in, and even approached the door twice, but both times he changed his mind and walked back to the parking lot. He knew it wouldn't have done him any good at this hour without a key.

He cursed himself when he realized he'd left his phone back at his apartment. But he wondered whether it would do any good anyway. Would she even take his call?

Defeated, he made his way slowly back home, growing angrier at himself with each step. Once inside, he closed the door and leaned against it, sliding down to the floor as he covered his face with his hands. He wondered how he could have ever thought that getting involved with Bella was a good idea. She was funny, and smart, and good, and everything that he wasn't. She was going to make something of herself all on her own. He was just flailing helplessly through life. He caught sight of his phone sitting on his coffee table and considered picking it up and calling her, but what would he say? Would he tell her about Jane? The thought sent a spasm of dread through him. How could he tell her about Jane? About what a monster he was? She'd never speak to him again. He didn't think he could bear her looking at him the way everyone else did when they found out about what had happened that night.

He tilted his head back and listened to the hollow thudding sound his head made as he bumped it repeatedly against the door. For a moment, he imagined that it wasn't his head that made the sound, but her knuckles knocking softly instead. He pictured himself standing, letting her in, apologizing to her and enveloping her in his arms. In his fantasy, she forgave him without question, and he didn't have to tell her anything about his wretched past. He sighed again. That was just a fantasy. There was no way she'd want anything to do with him if she knew the truth about who he was and what he'd done.

The back of his throat burned familiarly, and suddenly he had the overwhelming urge to do something he hadn't done in over six months. He stood and strode into the kitchen, jaw clenched as he began opening cupboards and slamming them back shut when his search turned fruitless. He had known it would. There was no way he'd keep alcohol in the house. Not after that night.

Ignoring the voice that was screaming at him in the back of his head, he picked up his keys. It wasn't until his hand was on the doorknob that he remembered that his car wasn't working. He cursed loudly, his voice echoing off the walls of his empty apartment. Could he walk? He wasn't sure where the closest liquor store was. He realized as he stood in the doorway, fists clenched, chest heaving, that it didn't matter how far it was. Walking across the entire state would be better than sitting helpless in his stuffy little apartment.

So he walked. At first, he was on the lookout for somewhere to buy alcohol, but then as the yards and blocks fell away beneath his feet, he lost the desire that had burned so fiercely on the back of his tongue and made his hands tremble. Instead, despair and self-loathing settled heavily on his chest. He lost the drive he'd had only moments ago to break his promise to stay clean, and instead he began to wander aimlessly. He wasn't surprised when he found himself at the pier.

The moon was full and shimmered across the endless expanse of water. As he'd expected, the beach and the parking lot were nearly empty; the only sound was the crashing of the waves against the shore. The ocean breeze picked up, and he shivered, realizing he'd forgotten to grab a jacket. He shoved his hands down in his pockets and trudged on, determined to ignore the biting chill of the marine air as he moved closer to the water's edge. His shoes sank deep into the damp sand as the waves lapped at his feet.

He'd walked for about ten minutes when he spotted them. The orange glow of their fire caught his eye immediately. He edged closer, not wanting to be seen. There were maybe a dozen of them—young kids, maybe still in high school. Their voices carried across the deserted beach as they laughed. A girl giggled and rose from her chair, squealing as the boy next to her stood and began to chase her around the bonfire. The others joined in the laughter, and Edward inched closer. The firelight flickered across their upturned, smiling faces. Something inside Edward twisted as he realized that just a short time ago, he could have easily been among them. They were so young and carefree, just as he'd been; before everything in his life had changed.

His breath came in short frantic gasps, and he plopped down on the ground where he stood, heedless of the damp sand's moisture that was seeping through his jeans. His fingers worked fruitlessly to gain purchase in the wet sand as he fought to swallow the scream that was building in his throat. The gravity of his situation washed over him, smashing into him, pummeling him into the rocks of his own despair as he realized that he could never have what he once had. And worse, Jane could never have it either. He could deal with his own misery, he could accept that he'd never be deserving of someone like Bella, but how was he supposed to live with what he'd done to Jane?

The moon had traveled far across the black sky before Edward rose. Oblivious to his presence, the kids had long since packed up their coolers and headed for home by the time he trudged up the beach and through the parking lot. His lower half and his fingers were numb from the cold sand, but he didn't really notice. Once home, he collapsed into bed, fully clothed and exhausted, both mentally and physically.

He didn't stir until mid-morning. When he awoke, his face was plastered to the sheet, arms and legs jutting out across the bed at weird angles, and his head was pounding. He glanced at the clock and muttered a sullen curse when he realized he'd missed his morning classes. His body felt stiff as he sat on the edge of the bed and stretched, rotating his ankles and wrists. For a brief moment, he wondered whether he had given in to temptation and gotten drunk the night before. He felt as bad as he often had after a night of heavy drinking. He sighed as he brushed the sand that had clung to his wet clothing the night before off the sheets.

But there was one difference: he remembered everything about the night before in sickening, stomach-churning clarity. Bella, his behavior, her sudden departure, his late-night stroll along the beach. Everything. He groaned and flopped back on the bed, wishing that it had all been just a bad dream.

He found his cell phone in the living room and picked it up. He punched the button that would dial Bella's number and stood holding his breath while he listened to it ring. He was sure she wasn't going to answer, but on the fifth ring, she did.

"Hello?" Her voice was low.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He realized just as she was answering that she was probably in class. "Are you in class? I didn't think about that."

"No, it's fine. I am, but I stepped outside."

"Okay, sorry," he mumbled lamely.

She was silent for a moment. "Are you?"

He closed his eyes and exhaled swiftly. "I am."

"What the hell was that, anyway?" Her voice was hard. He could picture her face, eyes flashing and brow furrowing in anger.

"I…" He sighed. What was he supposed to say? "I don't want to talk about this over the phone. Can I see you?"

She was silent for so long he thought they'd lost the connection. He was just about to say her name when she finally answered. "Yeah, okay."

Relief flooded through him. At least she still wanted to see him. Or, at least she was willing to see him. "When will you be home? Can I come over?"

"I have one more class, and then I'm done until work."

They agreed to meet at her dorm and hung up. Edward plopped down on the couch, slouching down so his head rested on the cushion as he threw his arm over his face. He wasn't at all sure what he was going to tell Bella.

He mulled it over the entire time he was in the shower, and as he toweled off, he realized there was only one thing to do. He needed to end it with her. It wasn't fair to him or Jane. But most importantly, it wasn't fair to Bella. He realized he'd never be able to give her what she deserved. He'd never be able to be what she deserved: someone as kind and honest and good as she was.

The thought of not seeing her anymore made Edward's heart clench uncomfortably. He'd have to quit at Lucky's and get another job. It'd be too painful to see her everyday if he couldn't be with her. But surely it'd be easier to start another job with the experience he had under his belt now. Somehow, that thought didn't make him feel any better. As he dressed and headed to Bella's dorm, on foot, a pit settled uncomfortably into his stomach.

This time, she wasn't waiting in the lobby for him. He took the stairs up to her floor two at a time. He'd been in her dorm room a couple of times and knew the way. He knocked hesitantly on her door.

"Hey," she said as she pulled the door open. "Come on in."

He ducked his head as he moved past her and into her room. She plopped down cross-legged on her bed, and Edward fought the urge to sit next to her. He swiveled her desk chair around sat there instead, smoothing his palms against his thighs. "Where's Alice?" he asked. He'd met Bella's roommate only once before, and he was glad she wasn't there at that moment.

"Class," Bella said simply. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, and then Edward sighed, knowing he owed it to her to speak first. "Bella, I…I'm so sorry about last night. I just…" He ran a hand through his hair, sighing in frustration. How was he going to explain it to her?

"Edward." Bella's voice cut through his thoughts. He raised his eyes to meet her gaze. "Do you like me?"

He was forced to smile at her straightforward manner. "Yes, but—"

She cut him off. "Then what is the problem?" He remained silent, knowing what he needed to tell her, but unable to get the words out. She sighed and shook her head.

"Bella, I…"

She stopped him again, shaking her head as she stretched her legs out in front of her. "What happened last night hurt a lot. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did. You…rejected me." Her voice grew quieter with each word until she was almost whispering.

Edward shook his head. "No. It wasn't you. Last night had nothing to do with you. I promise. I'm so sorry."

She folded her legs up under her again and studied her bedspread, fingers picking at loose threads as her hair fell over her shoulders in waves. "Okay," she said simply.

Edward stared at her, eyebrows raised in surprise for a moment. Was she really willing to forgive him so quickly, without hesitation or the need for more information? The knowledge reinforced his belief that he didn't deserve her. He sighed and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. His next words were going to be painful, but he knew that he needed to say them. "I just want to—"

"It's fine, Edward. I get it. It's done. Let's move on."

He looked up at her, brow furrowed and rendered speechless for a moment. She met his gaze and smiled and shrugged.

"I get it. You need more time. It's fine. I don't want to talk about it anymore," she said, tossing her hair as she clamored off her bed and over to him. She wiggled her way into his lap, and he found himself putting his arms around her as she settled on his knee. Her lips found his and he didn't resist, even though he knew he should. She was warm and wonderful, and she smelled divine. After their kiss, she rested her head on his shoulder, and he leaned back in the chair, bringing his hand up to stroke her hair. They were silent for a while, and Edward wondered what she was thinking about. For his part, he was trying not to think. If he did, he'd remember all of the reasons that he was supposed to let her go and all of the things that made keeping her such a bad idea. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't want to think about that.

After a few moments, she looked up at him. "Do I make you happy?" she asked.

His heart ached at her question. How could he explain to her how happy she made him and how undeserving he was of that happiness? He needed to tell her, but he couldn't. Instead, he stroked her hair and rested his cheek against the top of her head. "Yes, Bella. You do."

**A/N: You guys make me happy. ;) **


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 10

Bella was dreaming. She knew that she was—just like she always did—but it didn't make it any less terrifying. She was running, but the ground was wet, so she kept falling down. But each time she'd fall, she'd pick herself back up. She could see lights flashing blue and red in the distance, reflecting off the rain-slick streets, but it seemed to take her forever to reach them.

Everything about the dream was familiar, partly because she'd had it a million times, but mostly because the setting was one she knew all too well—her hometown. She had practically memorized every bush and shrub, every street sign—even the mangled one that lay across the street, twisted and bent.

Finally, she reached the police car whose flashing lights she'd spent so long chasing. The officer's radio buzzed in the background. In life, she didn't remember much about him, but in her dream, she'd studied him closer. He was tall, with a protruding gut and a bristly moustache. As she approached him in her dream, just as in real life, he'd gently taken her shoulders and pushed her back, away from the scene; away from the two mangled hunks of metal barely recognizable as vehicles. She screamed at him and tried to wiggle around his firm grasp, but he was a seasoned professional, and she was only ten. In life, he'd held her tight, keeping her away from the carnage, but in her dream, she somehow floated above him, around him, through him.

Once she reached that part of the dream, she always became a non-entity, moving around the scene as she observed impartially from above. The other people who had no doubt been present in real life took no notice of her. Paramedics, firemen, even the other police officers who arrived. She heard them talking, but she couldn't make out their words. Not that she ever tried to. She was too focused on the vehicle closest to her. The big red pickup truck she'd known her whole life. It was enormous and every inch of it creaked. She'd loved to bounce up and down on the bench seat when she was little. Now it was a crumpled heap of steel, hissing and smoking as if in protest of what it had just been put through.

The part of her consciousness that knew she was dreaming was screaming at her to turn away, but she knew it was fruitless. The dream always played out the same, no matter how she tried to change it. Her dream self floated heedlessly toward the truck, around and under and through the firefighters with their giant steel clamps that she now knew were called the Jaws of Life. The irony of the name was never lost on her, even in her dream.

She watched, a mute scream on her lips, as they pulled him out of the truck. His arms and legs were bent at unnatural angles, and his head lolled to the side. She often wondered if he'd been dead even then, but she could never be sure. And the blood. There was so much blood. It covered him, turning the denim coveralls he always wore at the garage a sickening purple. It dripped onto the ground, and the firemen and paramedics tread in it as they hurried him to a waiting gurney.

Suddenly, predictably, she couldn't move, not even her dream self. She stood frozen, once again behind the policeman's protective hold, just as she had been so many years ago, desperately trying to see him. The policeman attempted to get her to turn away, but she wouldn't. She struggled as she began to scream.

"Daddy!" she yelled, jumping up and down as she struggled to get to him.

With a start, she awoke, shaking and covered in cold sweat. Her heart pounded as she stared at the ceiling. The room was dark—Alice's soft breathing the only sound. She worked to get her heart and her breathing back to a normal pace, pushing a lock of cold, wet hair off her forehead with shaky fingers. It'd been so long since she'd had that dream, and somehow that made it even more terrifying. Years ago, when she was having it regularly, it had seemed far less horrifying. It was almost as if her subconscious had buried those images, but now, after tonight they were all being dragged back up to the forefront of her mind.

Bella had an overwhelming urge to call her mother. She rolled over and glanced at her alarm clock which glowed faintly in the soft darkness of the room. It was the middle of the night. Her mother, and every other sane person for that matter, would be fast asleep. She sighed and bunched up her pillow in an effort to get more comfortable. After twenty minutes of tossing and turning, she decided it was no use. She wasn't going to get any more sleep. As quietly as possible, she got up, grabbed her backpack, and headed for her floor's common room. The room was deserted, so she found an overstuffed armchair in the corner and flipped on the small lamp on the table next to it. She yawned as she pulled her textbook and notes out.

Daylight found her in that same position, head buried in her notes. Her attention was diverted only when others on her floor began stirring and making their way to the showers. She yawned and stretched, feeling much better in the light of day, and smiled as she realized she hadn't thought about the dream in hours. When she was younger, and the dreams had plagued her almost constantly, studying had been the most effective way she'd found to relieve the anxiety.

"Where did you disappear to?" Alice asked as Bella ducked back into their room.

"I couldn't sleep, so I was studying. I didn't want to wake you."

Alice eyed her skeptically. "Uh huh," she muttered. Then she muttered several other things in a much quieter voice that Bella couldn't make out. But she was pretty sure she heard the word "Edward" in there somewhere. Bella rolled her eyes but didn't attempt to correct her.

Instead, she silently thanked her roommate for the reminder. She picked her phone up off her nightstand and dialed Edward's number. It had been two days since his visit, three since that awful night, and she'd only seen him at work. She'd thought a lot about things since that night. Sometimes she felt like she'd forgiven Edward too quickly. But for some reason, it really wasn't difficult for her to accept his apology and move on. There was something about him that was so good, and so desperate to be loved, that she couldn't help but take him in her arms and tell him everything was going to be all right.

She smiled at the sound of his voice. "Hi there," she said as she threw her closet doors open and searched for something to wear. "Did I wake you?"

He chuckled. "Nope. I've got class, remember?"

"Oh, are you still doing that whole school thing?" she teased playfully.

Edward laughed quietly. "Yeah, for now. Listen, what are you doing this afternoon?"

"I have class, and then I work tonight."

"Do you think you could squeeze in some time for me? Just come over for a little while between class and work?"

Bella bit her lip as she debated with herself in her head. "Yeah, I can probably come over for a bit."

"Great! See you then."

They hung up, and Bella headed to class. Her day passed quickly, and soon she found herself knocking on Edward's door, backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Hey there," he said, beaming at her as he pulled the door open. He planted a quick kiss on her cheek as she stepped through the door. "Are you hungry? I can fix you something."

Bella shrugged. "I could eat."

Edward laughed and led her into his small kitchen. "Sit down. I make a mean grilled cheese."

Bella laughed and nodded as she pulled out a chair for herself from Edward's kitchen table.

Edward wasn't lying. The grilled cheese sandwich he made her was hot and delicious, and Bella ate it with borderline embarrassing enthusiasm. Edward watched her, an amused smile on his face. "Do you ever eat when I'm not around?" he asked.

Bella stopped mid-chew and looked up at him. She mumbled something around the sandwich and the two laughed.

"So do you need to study or something while you're here?" Edward asked.

Bella swallowed and looked at him for a moment. "Yes, but I didn't want to be rude."

Edward shrugged. "It's not rude. I'm not here to keep you from what you need to do, Bella. I'm just happy to spend time with you."

He had no sooner said those words, when there was a knock on the door. Edward rose and crossed the kitchen and front room. While she waited for him to return, Bella began pulling textbooks out of her bag. From where she sat she couldn't see the front door. She could hear Edward's voice, but couldn't make out what he was saying. She wondered distractedly who was at the door, but before she could give it much more thought, the tone of Edward's voice changed. It became more urgent somehow, and when she looked up, Edward was striding quickly into the kitchen behind a woman whom Bella did not recognize.

"Oh, Edward. I didn't realize you had company," the woman said. Although she addressed Edward, her eyes never left Bella. Holding Bella in her gaze, the woman closed the distance between them and stuck her hand out. "I'm Esme Cullen. Edward's mother."

Bella's throat was suddenly too dry to speak. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She berated herself internally before managing to choke out, "I'm Bella."

Fortunately for everyone, Edward came to her rescue. "Mom, this is Bella," he mumbled, stepping between the two. "We work together at Lucky's."

Esme's eyebrows rose quickly. "Oh, how nice." Her tone was pleasant enough, but Bella sensed that her cheery attitude was a façade. Her stomach flipped uncomfortably, and she fiddled absentmindedly with her pen, not quite able to meet Mrs. Cullen's eyes for some reason.

Esme glanced back and forth between Edward and Bella for a moment longer and then pulled a chair out next to Bella and sat down. She folded her hands neatly in her lap and turned to Edward. "Should I assume that you're going to offer me something to drink, dear?"

Edward jumped slightly and then maneuvered around his mother and Bella. He returned a moment later with a tall glass of iced tea for Esme and the pitcher to refill Bella's glass. Esme accepted her tea with a smile, and Edward settled nervously into the one remaining chair.

"Mom, Bella's trying to study and we have to go to work soon. Did you need something or…" He faded off, and his mother gave him a patronizing look.

"Oh, Edward. Don't worry. I'm not going to stay too long. I just wanted to check up on you and see if you were liking your new place." As she spoke, her eyes travelled around the room, and again Bella sensed discontent beneath her polite and airy smile. "Can't a mother come and visit her son?" Esme chided as she sipped her tea delicately. Without giving Edward a chance to respond, she turned to Bella. "So, Bella. You're a student too?"

Bella nodded.

"What are you studying?" asked Esme.

"My major is Microbiology."

Esme raised one eyebrow and glanced at Edward. "Impressive. So how long have you been dating my son?"

Again, Bella opened her mouth but was unable to form a coherent sentence. She looked helplessly at Edward. He sighed and clenched his jaw. "Mom, lay off it," he grumbled.

Esme laughed, and the sound was high and clear. "Oh relax!" She took one last sip of her tea and stood, clutching her handbag as she tucked her chair back in. "All right, I'll go. But, Edward, I really came by to invite you to dinner this weekend. Saturday night."

Bella watched as Edward's eyes seemed to darken and his jaw stiffened again. "I don't think I can make it. I'm working."

Esme sighed. "Your father will be out of town on business, dear. I'm sure you can spare one night out of your busy life to come and see your brother and me."

Edward thought for a moment and then nodded. "Okay."

"Bella, dear, we'd love for you to come too, if you're free," Esme said, looking around Edward's shoulder and smiling sweetly at Bella.

"Okay, thank you," Bella said, managing to find her voice finally.

Edward walked his mother out and was back in a moment. He sat down heavily in the chair next to Bella that his mother had just vacated. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know she'd just drop by like that." He shook his head and scrubbed one hand over his face. "Please don't feel like you have to come this weekend. I'm sure you're working anyway."

Bella shrugged. "I don't mind, really. I mean, unless you don't want me to go…"

Edward shook his head. "No, no. That's not it at all. I'd love for you to come. I just don't know why anyone would want to willingly subject themselves to an evening with my family." He smiled. "But if you really want to, I'd love for you to come. You can meet my little brother Emmett. He's pretty cool."

Bella's head was full of questions for him about the new insight his mother's visit had given her into his life, but she wasn't sure what to ask or what he'd be open to answering. She thought about Edward's mother, Esme. It was obvious from her appearance and demeanor that she was well-groomed and most likely wealthy. Everything about her, from her flawless and perfectly tailored clothing to her designer handbag, screamed money. She had the air of someone used to getting her way. As she watched Edward staring blankly at the table, Bella decided her questions could wait until later. She checked her watch and then began stuffing her books back into her bag.

"We better go if we don't want to be late," Bella said. Edward agreed, and a few minutes later, they were walking hand in hand to his car.

Saturday night came quicker than Bella could believe, and before she knew it, she found herself staring at her closet wondering what in the world she should wear to dinner with Edward's family. The fact that she'd met Edward's mother, and his father wouldn't be home, did little to alleviate Bella's nerves. To say that Bella found Esme Cullen intimidating would be a huge understatement. Despite her numerous reassurances to Edward, Bella found the prospect of spending an evening in her company less than appealing. But she somehow felt compelled at the same time. The thought of finding out more about Edward was immensely appealing, and she knew she'd gladly put up with a few uncomfortable hours if it meant getting another glimpse into who Edward was.

Luckily, Alice came to Bella's rescue, and the two of them put together a suitable outfit for Bella. They decided on a pair of Alice's skinny jeans, a white, loose-fitting tunic, and tall brown leather boots. Alice also helped Bella pile all of her long hair on top of her head in a carefully constructed messy bun.

Edward was waiting for Bella when she reached the lobby of her building. She smiled when she caught sight of him slouched in one of the shabby chairs, a long outdated magazine under his nose. He smiled when he saw her and tossed the magazine onto the pile on the table at his knee.

"You look amazing," he said, grinning as he planted a kiss lightly on her cheek. "Nervous?"

Bella shrugged. "A little. Okay, a lot."

Edward laughed. "Don't be. My mom seems scary at first, but she means well."

Bella nodded, and the two of them walked to Edward's car. He opened her door for her and kissed her again before she climbed in. By the time they pulled out of her parking lot, she was feeling much better. That was until they approached Edward's house. It seemed the further they drove, the larger the houses became. Bella's eyes grew wider and wider as she watched enormous mansions pass outside her window.

Edward seemed more nervous than she was as they drove. He kept glancing at her before he finally sighed. "Bella, I need to tell you something," he said. He sighed again and guided the car to the side of the road. He put the car in park and turned toward Bella.

Bella peeled her eyes away from the passing houses and turned to face Edward. "What is it?" she asked.

Edward took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel as he stared nervously at Bella.

"Edward?" Bella asked again, furrowing her brow as she looked at him.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave me a review! :) **


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Eleven

He opened and closed his mouth several times, but try as he might, he couldn't get the words to come out. Bella looked at him, tilting her head in concern as she studied his face. Self-loathing surged through him. He didn't deserve her. There he was about to confess to her what a monster he was, and all she could do was look at him with eyes full of compassion and concern. He pictured how her expression would change once he told her about Jane. He could almost see the patient smile sliding off her face as it was replaced by a look of complete and utter horror. What would she do? Would she allow him to drive her home before she told him she never wanted to see him again, or would she jump out of the car right then and there, demanding that he leave her alone and telling him that she never wanted to see him again?

He sighed again and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. As much as he hated himself for it, he knew he couldn't tell her. He was a horrible, selfish person. But knowing that didn't make it any easier, or even possible, for him to tell her about Jane. But she was looking at him so expectantly. He had to say something. He took a deep breath.

"Bella, my family is rich," he blurted lamely.

Bella looked at him for a moment before raising one eyebrow at him, an amused smile playing on her lips. "Really?" she said, and he could tell that she was fighting the urge to laugh.

He was such a monster. He grinned back at her. "Yeah," he said.

"I kind of figured. I didn't think your mom and brother lived in the guest house of one of these giant houses," she said, rolling her eyes at him.

Edward chuckled in spite of himself as he slid the car back into gear and checked his mirrors. "Well, I just didn't want you to be surprised. It's just…embarrassing."

Bella furrowed her brow at him again. "Why?"

Edward shrugged. "I mean, I don't know. It's just that rich people are perceived a certain way, and it's not always positive."

"Edward," Bella said softly. "You can't help the fact that your parents have money. You're a good person. The fact that your family has money doesn't change anything for me."

Edward smiled and hoped that it didn't seem too much like a grimace. How could he sit there and let her say such wonderful things about him when he knew how very wrong she was? The mere fact that he refused to correct her misconception proved what an awful person he was.

As he continued to stew over his lack of integrity, they arrived. He pulled the car into the circular driveway and shut the engine off. He glanced at Bella and pushed down the embarrassment he felt at the moonstruck expression she wore as she gazed up at his parents' house.

Gilda greeted them at the door. "Gilda, I'd like you to meet Bella Swan. Bella, this is Gilda. She practically raised me." He leaned in and kissed Gilda's cheek, and she swatted his shoulder playfully.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Swan. You'd never know I raised him by how often he visits me now."

Edward looked sufficiently abashed, and she laughed as she took their jackets. "Your mother and father are waiting for you in the sitting room," she said.

The smile slid off Edward's face. "My father? I thought he was out of town."

Gilda shrugged, but Edward knew she wasn't as innocent as she was pretending to be. He glared at her and debated momentarily whether he'd be able to escape before his parents knew he'd arrived. His thoughts were interrupted by his father's booming voice.

"Edward!"

Edward took a deep breath and turned to greet his father. Carlisle Cullen stood in the doorway of the sitting room, his customary scotch on the rocks in his hand.

"Hello, Father," Edward returned, smiling through gritted teeth. "Mother gave me the impression that you'd be away on business tonight. What a nice surprise." He worked to keep his voice even. Next to him, he felt Bella's hand work its way into his own. Somehow her touch seemed to calm him.

"Yes, well, I was able to wrap up my business a day early and come home. I was pleased when your mother told me you'd be coming by for dinner tonight and bringing your new friend." Carlisle's eyes fell on Bella, and Edward felt her hand shake slightly.

"Dad, I'd like to introduce you to Bella Swan. Bella, this is my father, Carlisle Cullen."

Carlisle strode toward them and held out his hand as he reached Bella. "It's nice to meet you, Bella. I'd like to say I've heard a lot about you, but my son and I haven't been the greatest at communicating since…" His eyes flickered to Edward and Edward narrowed his eyes, silently warning his father not to finish his sentence.

"Um, where's Mom," Edward said a little louder than he'd intended. It was worse than his worst nightmare. They'd been there for five minutes and he already wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He wondered what the odds were that he'd be able to get through dinner without any mention of Jane.

"Is that you, Edward?" Esme called as she rounded the corner. Her heels made a clicking noise on the tile as she walked across the foyer. "It is you." She leaned in and kissed Edward's cheek. "And Bella, how lovely to see you again. I'm so glad you could make it." She smiled sweetly at Bella, and Bella returned her smile, if not a little timidly.

"Where's Emmett?" Edward asked. As the words left his mouth, Emmett thundered down the stairs and hopped over the banister.

"Edward!" he called enthusiastically.

Edward chuckled as his little brother gave him a hug. "Emmett! It's good to see you."

Emmett nodded and turned his attention to Bella. He grinned and held his hand out to her. "I'm Emmett. Edward's brother."

Edward grinned and punched his brother in the arm. "This is Bella, Emmett."

Emmett beamed at Bella. "Great to meet you."

Bella smiled and nodded. "It's nice to meet you, also."

Gilda announced that dinner was ready, and everyone moved into the formal dining room. Edward felt incredibly self-conscious as he watched Bella out of the corner of his eye as she took in the lavish décor of his family's home. She was looking around with wide-eyed disbelief as Edward pulled out a chair for her. Edward took his seat next to her and slipped his hand into hers under the table. She glanced sideways at him and gave him a little smile. That made him feel a little better. At least she didn't find his family's opulence so off-putting that she didn't want anything to do with him.

His parents took their usual places, and Lupe began bringing out dishes filled with steaming, fragrant food. Everyone was mostly silent for the first few minutes of the meal as they filled their plates and, in turn, their stomachs.

"So, Edward." His father's voice broke the silence. Edward took a sip of his water and turned his attention to his father, already dreading anything he might be about to say. "Your mother tells me that you have a job."

Edward cringed inwardly. Next to conversations about Jane, talking about his decision to work his way through school was at the top of his list of things he didn't want to discuss with his parents. "Yes, that's right."

"At a restaurant."

Edward nodded. "Yes, it's called Lucky's. In fact, that's where Bella and I met." He smiled at Bella as she delicately wiped her mouth with her napkin.

"I see," Carlisle said before falling silent, and for a few minutes, Edward thought that would be the end of it, but then his father continued. "So you're a…waiter?" The word seemed to roll off Carlisle's tongue as though it left a bad taste in his mouth.

Edward pushed down his irritation. "Yes. It's hard work, but I like it." Edward knew his tone had been harsher than he had intended. His father's eyes flashed and he opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Esme stepped in.

"Edward's also going to school. He's working very hard." She said the words in a tone that conveyed not pride, but disbelief.

Edward glanced at Bella, wondering what she thought of this exchange. "Bella's also a student. She's studying Microbiology," he said quickly. He immediately felt guilty for throwing her into the conversation in an effort to take some of the pressure off himself.

Carlisle's eyebrows rose as he brought his fork to his mouth. "Really?" he asked after he'd chewed and swallowed his bite of food.

Bella nodded.

"She's really smart," Edward said, his voice full of the pride he wished his mother's held for him.

"Well now. That's quite a change for you, isn't it, Edward?"

"Carlisle…" Esme's voice was low and warning.

Carlisle held up his hands as if in surrender. "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just making an observation. That's all." He smiled in what Edward thought was meant to be an innocent way, but Edward saw right through his father. Anger coursed through him. Agreeing to come to dinner had been such a mistake. He should have known better. He picked up his napkin and threw it on his plate.

"That's it. We're out of here," Edward exploded, standing abruptly. Bella looked up at him in shock. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have brought you here. We don't have to stay. Let's go."

"Edward," his mother chided from the other side of the table. His father remained silent, watching his eldest son, an enigmatic look on his face.

"Wait, Edward," Bella said quietly, tugging gently on his sleeve. He looked at her questioningly. She smiled up at him. "Did you think that I thought you'd never dated anyone before me?" Her voice was quiet, but Edward had no doubt that everyone else around the table was taking in every word she spoke. "Relax. It's fine. Let's just stay."

He stared at her for a moment, completely surprised by her reaction and dreading what would happen when her misunderstanding of his father's words was clarified. He blew out a quick breath and glanced quickly at his father. "Fine," he said.

As he slumped back into his chair, Edward noticed his mother giving Bella a grateful, if not slightly patronizing, smile. The silence around the table stretched on awkwardly for several minutes until Emmett cleared his throat.

"So, Bella, are you from around here?" Emmett asked as he stabbed a piece of asparagus with his fork.

Bella shook her head, and both she and Edward smiled gratefully at his little brother. "No, not at all. I was born and raised in New Mexico. I just came out here for school."

"What part of New Mexico?" Carlisle asked.

"Las Cruces. It's pretty small."

Carlisle nodded. "And your family is still there?"

"Yes. Well, my mom and my grandma. That's the only family I have."Her voice seemed a little sad, and she stared at her plate as she spoke.

In spite of himself, Edward found he was listening intently to their conversation. How was it that his father had gotten Bella to reveal more about herself in ten minutes than he'd been able to in all the time he'd known her?

"Where is your father, dear?" Esme asked.

"He passed away when I was ten."

Guilt washed over Edward. He should have known that about her. Why didn't he know that? Frustration welled up inside him. Was it possible that he'd been so concerned with keeping his own secrets that he'd neglected to learn crucial things about her?

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that," Carlisle said.

Bella shrugged. "It's okay. It was a long time ago," she said quietly. Edward sensed that she didn't want to say anything more on the subject, and he said a silent prayer that his parents would pick up on that vibe too.

They seemed to, because the next question Esme asked was about school. They spent the rest of dinner chatting about both Edward and Bella's school. Then Esme filled them all in on the latest charity work she'd been involved with. By the time Lupe had cleared away the last of the dinner plates and they moved to the sitting room, Edward was feeling much more relaxed. He and Bella settled in on the loveseat while his mother and father took their places in the oversized armchairs by the unlit fireplace. Emmett sprawled on the sofa across from Edward and Bella.

"Lupe, could you bring in some coffee, please? And the scones you made earlier today, if you would. Thank you, dear," Esme instructed before turning her attention back to Edward and Bella. "So…" she smiled "…It appears things are going well with you two."

Edward grinned and squeezed Bella's hand. "Very well," he said, and Bella nodded.

"I must admit, Bella, I was a little skeptical after I met you the other day—especially given that Edward hadn't mentioned one word about you. But after tonight, I have to say I'm feeling much better about things."

Bella smiled. "Well I'm glad to hear that. Your son makes me very happy."

Esme nodded again. "I can tell that you make him happy as well. Heaven knows my Edward deserves some happiness after that whole mess with Jane," she said, waving her hand and wrinkling her nose as if she'd smelled something bad.

Edward froze. He felt as if the bottom had just dropped out of his stomach. There it was. Just like that, it was out there. It was as if time slowed down to almost a stand-still. He watched in mute horror as Bella furrowed her brow at his mother then turned to him, the question he knew was coming on her lips and in her eyes.

His mouth went dry, and he wondered if he'd be able to speak. He watched as Bella's lips moved, but for some reason, he couldn't hear her. There was suddenly a rushing roar in his ears that blocked out all other sound. But it didn't matter that he couldn't hear her. He still knew exactly what she was asking: Who's Jane? He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on his breathing, willing himself to calm down.

"Edward?" Bella asked. He opened his eyes when he realized he could hear her again. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. He glanced at his mother. Her face was a mixture of concern and confusion.

"Son, I'm so sorry. I didn't imagine that you'd never told Bella about Jane," she said.

"It's fine," Edward muttered. He rubbed his palms against his jeans and then stood quickly. "Come on, Bella." He stumbled through a hasty farewell to his parents and pulled Bella to her feet.

Bella was still looking at him questioningly, but she rose and followed him. When they reached the threshold of the sitting room, Bella turned around. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, thank you for dinner. I had a lovely evening."

Edward could see the hurt and confusion etched on Bella's face as they made their way out the door and to his car. He could sense the myriad of questions she had for him, but he couldn't process any of it in that moment. He opened her door for her and then flung himself into the driver's seat. He gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. This was the beginning of the end for him.

"Look, I'm sure you have a million questions for me, and you deserve answers. I will talk to you about this, and I will answer any questions you have, but not right now, okay? Right now I just need to think. I know I don't deserve it, but please give this to me. Please give me until we get home." His voice was pleading and cracked on the last word.

Bella studied him for a moment in the semi-darkness, worry evident on her face. Then she nodded.

Relieved, he started the car. The drive back to his apartment was silent and seemed longer than usual. He couldn't help the feeling of despair that coursed through him as he drove. This was it. It was all going to be over in a few short minutes. They'd reach his apartment soon, and he'd be forced to tell her the ugly truth about who he was. She'd know what a monster he was, and that would be it. He'd never see her again. The thought made him immensely sad but, at the same time, strangely relieved. At least when she knew what kind of a horrible person he was, he wouldn't have to pretend to be good anymore.

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading! If you leave me a review for this chapter, I'll send you a preview of Chapter 12. Make sure your PM option is enabled. :)**


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twelve

"Please tell me." Bella's voice was soft and far kinder than what Edward deserved. Part of him wanted her to rage and yell and demand answers. She was being entirely too understanding about something this horrible. But then he reminded himself that she didn't yet know how awful the whole thing was. It would all change once she knew the full extent of what he'd done. His worst nightmare was about to play out.

They had just walked through the door of his apartment. He sighed and put his keys in the small bowl he kept on the kitchen counter before throwing himself heavily onto the couch. Bella perched lightly beside him as she waited for him to explain who Jane was.

"She's…" He realized he'd been about to say that she was no one, but the words died in his throat. He couldn't say that about Jane, not even with the way he felt about Bella. He swallowed the words down but was unable to find suitable replacements.

Bella reached out and took his hand, holding it in her own. She twisted so she could look him full in the face, and he could see fear and doubt in her eyes. She was far too good for him. His entire relationship with Bella came down to that moment.

He sighed. "What I'm about to tell you is going to change everything, Bella," he began quietly. "But you deserve to know. I should have told you from the beginning, but I was a coward. I knew once you knew, things would never be the same between us." Bella watched him wide-eyed and silent. He took a deep breath and began to speak. "A little less than a year ago, I was a different person." The voice inside his head that always made him question everything screamed out at him that he was still the same person, despite how hard he'd tried to change. The fact that he'd let things go on so long with Bella proved it. He did his best to ignore it and continued. "You've met my family now. I'm sure you can imagine the kind of life I lived. In my family, being extravagant and entitled is encouraged. When I graduated from high school, I could have had a football scholarship, but I decided I wasn't ready to go to college yet. I wanted to take some time off. My parents encouraged my decision. My father said there'd be plenty of time for school later. So, after I graduated, I travelled and I partied. I had practically unlimited funds and nowhere to be. I spent almost every night at the beach getting drunk."

He paused again as his words began to trigger painful flashes. "I was not a very good person, Bella. You wouldn't have liked me," he said, chuckling mirthlessly. "One night, after a typical day on the beach—drinking, swimming, playing volleyball—someone told my friends about this huge party that was supposed to happen that night at this cabin in the woods about an hour away. We all decided to go. I remember it was just starting to get dark. My girlfriend at the time, Jane…" he paused and looked at Bella. She nodded, encouraging him to continue "…and I hopped in my car and headed for the party." He stopped again, gently twisting his hand free from hers before leaning back on the couch and covering his face for a brief moment as he took a deep breath. "Bella, I had no business getting in the driver's seat. I was wasted. I'd been wasted all day. But, I'm sorry to say that wasn't the first time I'd driven when I shouldn't have. I don't really remember what happened after that. I know we stopped at a bar along the way and used our fake IDs to drink even more before heading to the party. Everything else is a blur, including the part where I lost control of the car. I woke up at the bottom of a ravine." His fingers absentmindedly skimmed across his temple. "I walked away with barely a scratch."

Bella's face had grown very pale. She stared at him, wide-eyed and riveted. "And Jane?" she asked quietly. He felt her hand shake within his grasp.

Edward stared at the ground, unable to meet her gaze. "She woke up from the accident long enough to call my name and reach for me. She passed out again while we were waiting for the paramedics to arrive. She's been in a coma ever since." By the time he finished, tears were streaming unchecked down his cheeks, and he let his face fall into his hands.

The room was completely silent for several minutes. Then Bella said softly, "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sure that's a terrible burden to carry around." Her voice was cool, and when he chanced to look at her, she was staring at the floor. At her words, his last shred of hope was dashed. It was painful for him to admit that he'd been holding onto the slightest possibility that she might forgive him and accept his awful past. But the chilliness of her tone and the removal of her touch assured him of that impossibility.

"Please don't pity me, Bella. I deserve every ounce of guilt I carry with me and more."

She was silent for several moments. "Did I ever tell you how my father died?" she asked. She was still staring at the floor, and it seemed to Edward as if she was suddenly very far away.

He felt as if there were ice in his veins. He wanted to tell her that he hadn't even realized her father had died until that night, but instead he just shook his head. But somehow he knew. He knew before the words even left her lips, and he wanted to die right then and there.

"He was killed by a drunk driver."

The silence stretched on for what felt like hours. Edward vacillated between the desire to beg and plead for her to stay and the urge to be alone so that he could wallow in self-pity.

Bella was the first to break the silence. "I need to go home now," she said hollowly.

"I can take you." Edward made to stand, but Bella motioned for him to stay.

"It's fine. I'd rather walk."

Numb, Edward nodded. He was unable to bring himself to look at her, and he jumped slightly when he heard the sound of the front door closing behind her. The reality of their conversation was so much worse than he could have possibly imagined. In all the times he'd played that dreaded scene out in his mind, he'd always imagined that she'd yell or scream or curse at him. Never had he pictured the quiet, icy disappointment and disgust that radiated off her in reality. Never had he imagined that his awful deed would have hit so close to home for her.

At some point, he must have slumped over, because when he awoke several hours later, he was curled into a tight ball on the couch. It was still dark, but he had no consciousness of the actual time. Not that it mattered. He felt as if nothing mattered anymore.

All the time he'd spent trying to be a better person, all of the work he'd done separating himself from his old friends, and even his family, was all for naught. When it came right down to it, he was still the same pathetic person he'd been a few months ago. How could he have thought that pretending to slum it in a beat-up car and a crappy apartment would have amounted to him changing anything about who he really was? His past would forever haunt him and ruin any chance he had at happiness in the future.

But as he thought about Jane, he realized he had no right to expect happiness. He never had. How could he think that he deserved to be happy when she lay there day after day, week after week, month after month with no sign of change or improvement? The fact that he'd dared to dream about being happy with Bella showed just how selfish he really was.

He considered going into the bedroom but didn't seem to be able to muster the strength to move. Instead, he managed to flop onto his back, and he spent the next few hours staring at the ceiling, unaware and uncaring as dawn crept slowly into the room, filling it with the bright light of a new day that could hold no hope for him. The sun spread across the room as morning turned to afternoon and then finally evening. Edward slept on and off. He stumbled to the restroom a couple of times, but most of the day was a haze of despair and hopelessness.

At some point after the sun had sunk beneath his window, he became aware of his phone ringing in some distant location. Twice he ignored it, but when the incessant ringing began again, he cursed under his breath and rolled himself off the couch and went in search of it. He knew it was probably only his mother, worried about how things had gone the night before. He found his phone on the counter next to his keys. He halfheartedly picked it up, wondering what exactly he should say to his mom, when fear and surprise leapt through him as he saw who it was.

"Hello?" he asked, disbelieving and unsure of what to say.

"Hi." Bella's voice was reserved and tired. He wondered briefly if she'd suffered from a sleepless night also and immediately felt guilty for being the cause. She didn't wait for him to respond before continuing. "I wanted to apologize for leaving so abruptly last night."

Stunned and unsure of how to respond, Edward made several non-verbal sounds. Was she really apologizing to him?

Bella continued. "I should have taken what you told me last night better. I was just caught so off guard by everything, and I'd already been so nervous about meeting your family. It was all just a little too much."

Edward continued to remain mute.

When it became clear that Edward wasn't going to respond, Bella sighed and said, "Look, I don't really know what to think right now. I just need some time. I know that you went through something horrible, and part of me wants to be able to be there for you and tell you that everything is going to be fine and that I understand. But I honestly don't know if I can do that right now. I need some time, Edward," she repeated.

"Okay," Edward managed to croak. He was unwilling to trust his ears. He wondered briefly if perhaps he was still on the couch and this was all part of some elaborate dream his subconscious had created. But then he realized that if his brain had come up with an illusion, it probably would have made one where Bella forgave him outright, not one where she was asking for time to think and telling him she was unsure.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd give me some space at work for a little while too. I know we'll see each other, but I'd just like for things to be as non-weird as possible. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Sure. Fine." Edward tripped over his tongue in an effort to reassure her. "Listen, do you want me to find a different job? Because I can…"

"No, no. That's not…It's fine. Let's just take some time to figure things out, okay?"

"Yes, okay. I…I'm not sure what to say, except…thank you."

Bella was silent for a moment. "Don't thank me, Edward. Please. Just don't," she said quietly.

Before he could respond, she was gone.

Edward knew that chances were Bella would never get over how she was feeling about him at that moment. He was sure that she was doing the honorable thing because she was a good person, not because she felt that he deserved it. She wanted to try and give him the benefit of the doubt. Even in the face of irrefutable evident to the contrary, she wanted to believe that he too was a decent person. He knew that more than likely at the end of whatever time period she deemed appropriate, she'd find that her feelings hadn't changed, and they'd once again go their separate ways.

But there was a miniscule part of his brain that refused to accept this inevitability. It whispered quietly but insistently that maybe he was wrong. He hated that little part of himself. It was the part that had allowed him to get in so deep with Bella in the first place when he so clearly didn't deserve her. But it was also the part of him that compelled him to make his way to the shower and out the door to work that evening.

He arrived for his shift just in time, and he looked around the restaurant hesitantly, unsure of whether Bella would be working that night or not. It turned out that she wasn't, and so his evening passed with no incident. He was actually grateful for his work. It kept him busy and made it nearly impossible for him to think about anything other than filling orders and keeping customers happy. When his shift ended and the restaurant closed, he was exhausted, but in slightly better spirits. As he was driving back home, his phone rang. This time it was his mother.

"Hi, Mom," he said, stifling a yawn.

"Hello, dear. I thought for sure you'd call me today. I've been worried about you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I've had a rough day."

Esme was silent for a moment. Then she said, "So I take it your conversation with Bella didn't go well?"

Edward chuckled humorlessly. "You could say that."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. I never even imagined that you wouldn't have told Bella about Jane."

"I know, Mom. It's not your fault. I should never have kept it from her. It just never seemed like the right time." What he told her wasn't entirely true, but he couldn't bring himself to explain his motives to her.

"Honey, you need to forgive yourself. I'm sure that Bella was angrier that you'd kept something like that from her for so long than anything else."

"No, that's not it. Remember how she told you and Dad that her father had passed away? Well, guess how he died."

"Oh Edward…" His mother's voice was low and sad and was all the confirmation Edward needed to assure him of how bad things were.

"Yeah."

Esme sighed delicately on her end. "Well, what exactly did she say, dear?"

Edward proceeded to recount to his mother the details of the past twenty-four hours.

"So she just said she needs time? Well that's a good sign," she said encouragingly.

Edward sighed and rubbed his eyes. He'd arrived at his apartment but was still sitting in his dark car. "I don't think so. I think she's just trying to do the right thing. She's never going to forgive me. I don't deserve her anyway." He mumbled the last part, but his mother caught every word, and he heard her cluck her tongue at him through the phone.

"Edward Cullen. I do not want to hear you talk like that. You made a mistake. That's all. Why should you spend the rest of your life being miserable just because of one little mistake?"

Edward sighed. This part was a conversation they'd had a hundred times before. Try as he might, he didn't seem able to make his parents understand the gravity of the situation with Jane. They seemed unable or unwilling to grasp how unfair things had turned out for Jane in this whole mess. He had all his arguments ready, but he decided that he was too tired. Instead, he sighed and shut off the ignition.

"I don't know, Mom. I've got to go. It's late and I've got class in the morning."

"Come home, Edward," she begged.

"Mom, don't start."

"I'm serious. I know all of this would be better if you'd just come home. You need to be with your family right now."

"I am home," he said quietly. "I'll call you later this week."

She sighed, resigned to the fact that her son wasn't going to listen to her advice. "All right, Edward. Just try and remember everything will be fine. I love you."

They hung up, and Edward entered his apartment. It was cool and dark, and he didn't bother turning on any lights as he made his way to his bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. The last thought he had before he lost consciousness was to wonder where Bella was and what she was doing.

**A/N: :'-( **

**Let me know what you think! **


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Thirteen

The dreams were coming more frequently lately. Bella rubbed her eyes. They burned from lack of sleep. She'd gotten less sleep in the past week than she'd gotten since starting college. She wasn't any busier than she'd been before Edward's startling revelation, but she'd grown afraid of closing her eyes. It seemed like more often than not, whenever she'd drift off into a fitful sleep, the dreaded dream would begin playing in her subconscious. What was worse, since she'd learned about Edward and Jane, the all-too-familiar dream had begun to take bizarre new twists. One night, she awoke in a cold sweat after Edward had appeared in her dream. He'd staggered out from underneath her father's truck, face bloody as he called her name and staggered toward her.

In her waking hours, Bella wasn't sure what to think. The rational part of her realized that Edward was still the same person she'd grown to care deeply about. She found herself having long internal conversations where she argued the point that Edward had been young and made a mistake. It was clear to see how hard he was trying to atone for it. She'd never met anyone who had done more to change themselves for the better than Edward. She knew it wasn't fair for him to punish himself for the rest of his life because of one careless mistake made in the ignorance of youth.

But the ten-year-old girl in Bella who still cried for her father wasn't willing to be as forgiving. That part of her hated Edward for what he'd done. She thought back to when her father had been killed. She remembered how her mother had wept when they'd received news of his death. There were few memories of her childhood that were as crystal clear to Bella as the one of her mother crumpled in a ball on the kitchen floor, phone still clutched in her hand as she cried "No! No!" over and over again. Bella hadn't understood what was going on, but she'd run to her mother and wrapped her arms around her, trying to offer whatever comfort a ten year old could give.

These were the two factions that had been waging war within Bella for over a week. She couldn't deny the feelings she had for Edward. In the few weeks they'd dated prior to her learning about Jane, Bella had been happier than she could remember being in a long time, and she knew that happiness was because of Edward's presence in her life. Even now as she hosted an internal struggle about her feelings for him, she was forced to admit that she missed him. When she saw him at work, he made an obvious effort to steer clear of her, an effort which she greatly appreciated. She was afraid that if she spent too much time with him, the part of her that wished to forgive him would win, and she'd cave in to her desire to be with him. But the other part of her recognized the importance of thinking things through and dealing with the underlying issues she had with his past. If she was too hasty in forgiving him and there were any underlying issues remaining, she knew they'd surface later and spell trouble for them in the future. As painful as it was, Bella knew she needed to take her time and figure out how she really felt.

She did her best to stay on top of her studying, but it was difficult. She was constantly distracted, and it seemed as if the slightest prompting would draw her mind to him. Several times, she'd picked up the phone, intent on calling him, only to stop herself midway through dialing.

Bella realized she really needed someone to talk to, someone outside the situation who could help her sort through her feelings. But who could she trust? She didn't want to talk to Alice because she didn't want her to know such personal things about either of them. She'd never even told Alice that her father was dead, let alone the horrific manner in which he died. There were a few people at work that Bella would consider more than acquaintances or colleagues, but no one she'd feel comfortable sharing something like this with. She'd never been someone who formed close friendships, and that was the way she'd always like it. But for the first time in her life, Bella felt truly lonely.

After over a week of near-constant stewing, Bella felt that she was no closer to a solution or a decision than when she'd started. Out of desperation, she called her mother.

"Hi, baby," her mom said, answering on the third ring. "I'm so glad you called. I was just thinking about you."

"Hi, Mom."

"Your grandmother is driving me nuts, Bella. I swear I'm going to have to put her in a home soon. I wish you were here. She always listened to you better than she listens to me."

"You just need to be patient with her, Mom." Bella sighed. "She doesn't mean to be a pain. She just gets confused."

"I know. You're right. So how's everything there?"

"Fine," Bella lied.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then her mother said, "Isabella Swan, you know a mother can always tell when her daughter is not telling her the truth. What's wrong? Did you lose your job? Is it school? Did you fail a class? Everybody is entitled to fail one, you know."

Bella laughed and sighed at the same time. "No. It's nothing like that."

"Well then what is it?"

Bella debated for a moment, still unsure of whether she wanted to unburden herself on her mother. "I've met someone," she said finally, the words barely more than a whisper.

It must have taken a moment for the words to sink in with her mother because there was silence for a few moments. "You have?" her mother asked finally.

"Yeah."

"Well, why don't you sound more excited? That's good news, isn't it?"

It was Bella's turn to pause. She realized she had no idea where to begin in explaining her situation with Edward.

Her mother interpreted her silence. "Oh, baby, are you pregnant?" she asked sadly.

"What? No, Mom. It's not like that. No."

Her mother sounded relieved. "Okay, good. We can handle whatever it is then. Now come on. Tell me all about him. What's his name? Where did you meet?"

Bella took a deep breath and laid her head against her pillow. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, deciding where to begin. "His name is Edward. I met him at work."

"Okay, what's he like?" her mother prodded.

"He's…amazing. He makes me laugh. He's smart. I've never felt this way before." She said the last words in a rush, and she felt tears begin to well up in her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you." She paused. "But it doesn't seem like you're happy. How come?"

"Well, he's rich."

Her mother's laugh was high and musical. "And that's a problem?"

Bella felt suddenly flustered as they drew nearer to the actual problem. "No, that's not the problem. The problem is something that I just recently learned about him, something that happened in his past." Her mother waited patiently for her to continue. She took a deep breath before continuing. "About a year ago, he drove drunk. He had an accident and put his girlfriend at the time in a coma."

The pause on the other end of the line was so long Bella wondered if they'd lost connection. Finally, her mother said, "I see." Her voice was much more subdued than it had been only a moment ago.

"Yeah…"

"And you feel like this affects you particularly because of what happened to your father?"

"Of course."

Bella's mother sighed deeply. "Oh, baby…"

"Mom, I really care about him. I've never felt this way about anybody before. But I just don't know if I can forgive him."

"It's not your job to forgive him. He's not the one who was driving that night your daddy was killed, baby. And you're not that poor girl who was in the car with him," her mother said. Bella was speechless for a moment as she thought about her mother's words. At her silence, her mother continued. "I know how hard this must be for you. This has probably drudged up all kinds of memories and things you've not thought about in a long time—"

"I'm having the dream again, Mom. All the time," Bella said, cutting her mother off. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that." Her mother was well aware of Bella's dream. She'd been the one to rock terrified little Bella to sleep again after she'd woken screaming night after night. "Remember what the counselor said about that dream?"

Bella sniffed. "I know. He said I have to find a way to deal with the issues from the dream while I'm awake so that my brain doesn't try and deal with them while I'm sleeping."

"Okay, so your brain obviously doesn't think that you're dealing with these issues very well while you're awake, honey."

"I know that I'm not, Mom. I don't know how to though!" Bella was growing more frustrated with the conversation. She'd come to her mother for understanding, and now her mom was treating her as if she'd done something wrong.

"People make mistakes. The problem is that some mistakes have bigger consequences than others. Do you remember the man who hit your father?"

"Sam Uley." Bella said the name almost woodenly. It was a name that would forever be engrained in her. She'd remember it until the day she died. She wondered fleetingly whether Jane's family felt that way about Edward's name.

"That's right. Do you know what Sam is doing now?"

Bella realized she hadn't thought about Sam in a long time. "No," she said quietly.

"Well, he served his time in jail. Two years. And now he works as a counselor helping troubled kids. He still sends me letters once a year."

Bella was surprised to hear her mother speak so calmly about the man who'd taken her husband's life.

"You're not mad at him?" she asked.

Her mother sighed deep and heavy. "That's such a complicated question. There's a part of me that will always be angry with him. He made a bad choice that forever changed my life. I can't deny that I'm angry about that. But there's a part of me that recognizes that no amount of anger from me is going to bring your father back. Sam's a person too. He carries around a lot of guilt because of what he did that night. I think that's enough for me."

Bella was in awe. She'd never spoken to her mother about her feelings about the man who took her father's life before. Bella realized with a pang of guilt that every conversation they'd ever had about her father's death had been centered on helping Bella deal with it, not with how her mother felt about it. She'd never realized her mother felt such peace about the whole situation. A small part of her envied that peace. She wished she could feel that way about Edward.

"Look. It all comes down to this: you have to decide how you feel about Edward outside of what he did. You told me that he makes you happy. You told me that you've never felt this way before. You have to figure out if all those things you like about him put together are bigger than the anger and the pain that you feel about what he did."

Bella's head felt full with everything they'd talked about. "I'm just not sure if they are," she whispered.

"Well, only you can know that for sure. But remember what I said: it's not your wrong to be righted. I'm sure Edward has dealt with, or is dealing with, his own guilt issues. None of that has anything to do with you."

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'm here anytime you need to talk about it more, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too."

They hung up, and Bella stared up at the ceiling, her mother's words echoing through her head. She'd given her so much to think about. Bella was glad she'd called her after all. Renee could be a little flaky and irritating sometimes, but she was still her mom. She knew Bella like no one else. However, in equal parts, Bella was both grateful for and irritated by the fact that her mother had not voiced her opinion on what she thought Bella should do. On one hand, it would have made Bella's job much easier if she'd just told Bella what she thought she should do. But on the other hand, she appreciated her mom's ability to recognize that this one was decision Bella needed to work through on her own.

Bella's thoughts turned again to Sam Uley. Though his name was engraved on her brain, she'd never given much thought to the person he was. In her mind, she'd always made him out to be some sort of monster; heedless of others as he lumbered down the road and plowed headlong into her father's truck. She'd never pictured him feeling any guilt or remorse. She thought about him in relation to Edward. Had Sam Uley also been just a stupid kid when he'd made the decision to get behind the wheel while drunk? Did Sam think about her father and his family as often as she knew Edward thought about Jane?

Despite the early hour, Bella felt herself drifting to sleep, her head swimming with thoughts of Edward…and Sam.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think... :)**


	15. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Fourteen

Bella awoke the next morning with a massive headache. She felt hung over, even though she had not had a drop of alcohol. While she hadn't had the dreaded dream, her sleep had been plagued with other bizarre dreams which left her feeling restless and exhausted in the morning. She had class, as usual, but for the first time in as long as she could remember, Bella couldn't have cared less about going to class. She felt sure there was no way she was going to be able to sit through hours and hours of lecture on this day. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do, but she knew it didn't involve school. Bella knew she should have felt guilty, or even a nervous thrill of anticipation about skipping out on classes for the first time ever, but all she could feel was numb.

After showering and dressing, she was still unsure of what to do. On her way out the door, she automatically reached for her backpack, but then she thought better of it and left it on the chair by her bed. She opted instead for the small purse she rarely used and shoved her wallet inside. Whatever the day held for her, she felt sure it would not include studying.

Without a car, her options were limited. She walked for a while and finally ended up at a bus stop. Though Bella rarely used it, her tuition included an unlimited city bus pass. She fished it out of her wallet and swiped it across the automatic ticket machine. Once she'd taken a seat, it occurred to her that she wasn't even sure where this bus was headed. Bella realized just as quickly that she really didn't care. She stared blankly out the window, willing thoughts of Edward to stay away. Inevitably though, he crept back into her mind, and she wondered what he was doing.

After a few miles, desperate for a distraction, she jumped up as the bus slowed to a stop and made her way to the front and out the door. She took a seat on a nearby bench, and it wasn't long before another bus rumbled to a halt in front of her. Again, she swiped her pass and boarded a bus with an unknown destination.

This was how she spent most of her morning. The sun was high in the pristine San Diego sky when her stomach reminded her that she had yet to eat that day. Exiting the bus she'd been riding, she looked around and spotted a small café across the street.

It was the kind of place that served really bad coffee and pie by the slice. As she sat down in one of the deserted booths, Bella imagined that many of the patrons sitting at the counter were regulars who knew the middle-aged waitress by name. Bella ordered a cup of coffee and a sandwich and parted with a few of her hard-earned dollars. The coffee helped with her headache, and the sandwich filled her up. Although she felt better after her lunch, she still wasn't ready to go back home. So, she boarded another bus and continued her crosstown wandering.

Bella rested her head against the bus window and looked out at the passing scenery. She hadn't been paying much attention before, but suddenly she sat up. The bus had entered a neighborhood that looked strangely familiar. The houses grew larger by the second, and with a start, Bella realized where she was. It had taken her a minute to recognize it because the last time she'd been there it had been dark, but she was almost certain now that she was in Edward's parents' neighborhood.

She sighed and sat back in her seat. What were the chances that her random roaming would lead her here? Just as suddenly as the realization of her present location hit her, another urge struck her. Without allowing herself to think more about it, she stood abruptly as the bus slowed for its scheduled stop. Staring straight ahead, she made her way to the front and hopped down the steps and onto the sidewalk. Before she could change her mind, the bus rumbled away, and she was left standing alone on the street corner.

She took a deep breath and let it out quickly as she looked around. Although she was positive the Cullens' house was close, she wasn't exactly sure which one it was. Following a feeling she couldn't quite identify, she set off down a side street. Within a few minutes, her instinct paid off—straight ahead loomed the Cullens' large house. She kept it in her sights as she walked on. The house was silent and still. There was no activity around the house, or even, from what she could observe, in any of the numerous windows. In the light of the day, Bella was better able to appreciate the massive structure. From the enormous columns that lined the front to the immaculately groomed landscaping, it was a beautiful house.

Steeling her nerve, Bella marched up the front porch and grasped the ornate doorknocker. The sound it made against the oversized door was hollow and frightening. Bella nearly lost her nerve, but before she could flee, the door swung open. Gilda looked at her in obvious surprise.

"Hi," Bella began hesitantly. She was suddenly questioning her decision to come here. "Um, I don't know if you remember me but—"

"I remember you. Bella, right?" Gilda interrupted her.

"Yes. Um…I was wondering if Mrs. Cullen is home." Bella's voice sounded very small and meek even to her own ears. She wondered what Esme Cullen would think if her housekeeper reported to her that her son's girlfriend had appeared unannounced on their doorstep only to turn and run away a few moments later. She decided that wouldn't do anything to help the situation.

"Come in. I'll see if she's available." Gilda showed Bella into the sitting room, and Bella perched on the edge of the same loveseat she and Edward had shared just a few days ago. Gilda disappeared and returned a few minutes later. "Mrs. Cullen will be with you in a moment."

Bella thanked her, and the housekeeper ducked out of the room again, leaving Bella alone with her thoughts. She fidgeted with her purse and wondered again what she'd been thinking in coming here. She silently cursed her own impetuousness. It was rare for her to act without thinking things through, and this was clearly why. When she did, she made the worst decisions imaginable.

The staccato clicking of Mrs. Cullen's heels drew Bella from her own thoughts.

"Bella, what a nice surprise." Esme Cullen was dressed impeccably in a perfectly tailored knee-length dress. Bella thought her smile seemed a little imperious, and Bella felt her stomach flip nervously.

Bella stood, the two women grasped hands for a brief moment, and Bella hoped hers didn't shake as badly as she thought.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," she said.

Esme shook her head as she settled into her armchair. "Not at all. I was just working on some household items, but nothing that can't be put off for a while. It's a pleasure to see you again. I won't pretend my son hasn't filled me in on what's happened between the two of you."

Bella felt herself blushing. Had she expected that Esme would be in the dark about the situation between her and Edward? Yet, she found the older woman's frankness a relief. Bella nodded. "Yes, I'm sure it's been a difficult week for both of us."

Esme nodded. "I'm sure." She paused for a moment, and when Bella didn't say anything, she asked, "Is there something that I can do to help make things easier for either of you?"

Bella closed her eyes for a moment. "I honestly don't know. I don't know why I'm here. I just…was wandering around, and I found myself in your neighborhood, and I was struck by the urge to see you. I'm not sure what I expected to happen. I'm sorry." Her words came fast, and at the end of them, Bella took a shaky breath.

Esme watched her for a moment. Before she could respond, Gilda entered the room bearing a large tray. She set it carefully on the table between the two women. Esme thanked her, and Gilda nodded silently before making her exit once again. "Would you like something to drink?" Esme asked, gesturing toward the heavily laden tray. On it were about a dozen different kinds of drinks. There were several varieties of juice and soda, along with a carafe of coffee and a small pot of tea. Bella graciously accepted a bottle of water and sat back in her seat. Esme poured herself a cup of tea and added a lump of sugar. She took a dainty sip then gazed at Bella over the rim of her cup. "So, I suppose you're trying to decide whether or not you can overlook my son's past indiscretion," she said matter-of-factly.

Bella considered her words for a moment then nodded. "I suppose so, yes."

"Well, of course you must know where my loyalties lie, Bella. Edward is my son. I'm not saying what he did wasn't terrible, but he was young and foolish. However, Edward tells me that the situation hits particularly close to home for you."

Bella closed her eyes and sighed.

"Again, I'm very sorry for your family's loss. Losing a loved one is never easy, regardless of the circumstances. I don't presume to know the specifics of what happened in your father's case, but I can appreciate why your past would make the situation with Edward so much more difficult."

Bella was silent for a moment. Then she blurted a question that had been on her mind ever since her conversation with her own mother. "Did Edward serve any jail time?"

Esme's jaw twitched. It was a small movement, but Bella caught it. "No. He was fortunate enough to have our family's resources behind him."

"You paid off Jane's family and the courts?" Bella asked in disbelief. As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them.

Esme's gaze turned stony. "The O'Briens certainly have no need of any charity from us. However, they were gracious enough to work with us to reach an understanding. As for the courts, Carlisle and I are fortunate enough to call the district attorney who handled the case and his wife good friends. We all agreed that Edward's time would be better spent serving our community rather than sitting uselessly in a jail cell. Edward has completed a great number of hours of community service this past year."

Bella nodded, sufficiently chastised. There was an awkward silence in the room for several moments. Again, Bella was wishing she had just stayed on the bus and gone back to her dorm.

Esme sighed lightly. "I can't tell you what to do. Let me be frank: I'm not even sure if you're right for my son. You seem to make him happy, or at least you did until very recently, but I truly don't feel he's in a good position to make a lot of important decisions at this point in his life. He's made a lot of changes since the accident—some of them good, some of them not so good, in my opinion. I'm not thrilled with the idea of my son living in some dank little apartment working his fingers to the bone and dating a waitress just to prove to himself that he's not the horrible person that he believes himself to be."

Bella blinked. Was that what this was about: Bella's financial situation? Bella felt a mild but growing sense of indignation. She'd gone there to talk to Esme about the fact that her son had made a choice that had, in reality, destroyed another person's life, and she was being made to feel inferior because of her bank account. "I shouldn't have come here," she said, gathering her purse and standing.

Esme eyed her calmly as she sipped her tea. "Please don't get me wrong. I have no desire to offend you. But you must understand; my only concern is for my son. He's been through hell this past year, and if you plan to put him through further torture, then there's no place for you in his life." She stood and held an arm out to usher Bella to the front door. The two walked in silence until they reached the door.

"Thanks for your time," Bella said as she stepped over the threshold.

"Anytime. And, Bella? Edward is a good man. He's made some mistakes, but he's a good person. I know that, and I hope you can see it too."

Bella thought for a moment before nodding. She smiled and gave Esme a little wave, and Esme bowed her head once as she closed the door.

Bella made her way back down the street to the bus stop, her mind as full as it had been in days. She thought about Edward. She tried to think about how she felt about him independently from any of this mess. She pictured his smile and his eyes and the way they crinkled at the corners. She thought of his kindness and how hard he tried to do the right thing. Then she thought about him as he must have been a year ago. Rich, spoiled, entitled. Feeling like the world was his for the taking.

Even in her tiny hometown, she'd known people like that. She'd despised people like that. Her father had been a cop, so even before they lost his income, her family had never been well-off, or even comfortable in their living. Her parents had spent their entire lives working tirelessly to provide for themselves and her. She had nothing in common with someone like Edward who had been handed everything from the time he was born. But did Edward act like one of those people? She thought about how hard he worked at Lucky's. She pictured his car. She'd never given it much thought before, but Edward's car wasn't very nice. It wasn't the kind of car she'd expect a rich kid to drive. She realized that it was most likely just another indicator of his desire to separate himself from his past. She felt sure that all Edward would have to do is say the word and his father would provide him with the luxury or sports car of his choice. But instead Edward drove around the beat-up, no-name car that she'd ridden in countless times.

Smiling, Bella fished her phone out of her back pocket. Her fingers trembled a little as she pressed the buttons.

He answered on the first ring. "Bella?" His voice was disbelieving and maybe even a little scared.

"Edward, we need to talk," she said, feeling happier than she had in days.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews make me happy. :) **


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Fifteen

She studied his face for a moment. He looked as though he hadn't been getting any sleep either. There were shadows and lines under his eyes that hadn't been there a week ago. Was it possible that his hair was even a little longer? Did hair grow that much in just a week? Her chest felt tight at the sight of him, and she knew. She thought that she'd known on the bus ride over—and what a long bus ride it had been—but in that moment, standing before him in the doorway of his apartment, she'd never been more sure of anything in her entire life. He was a good person. The thought made her heart ache and soar at the same time.

He looked worried. There was a crease in the middle of his forehead that she longed to reach out and smooth. She smiled, and he looked like a drowning man being offered a life preserver that he couldn't quite reach. Several emotions played across his face as she watched: disbelief, hope, shame.

"Edward," she said, and his name felt right on her tongue.

His lip twitched as if he desperately wanted to smile, but couldn't remember how. "Bella," he returned.

The sound of her name was all she needed. Without another thought, she launched herself into his arms. He caught her with a surprised yelp. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, tears welling in her eyes as the smell of him overwhelmed her. For his part, he just held her. His arms were like stone, and she felt sure that she couldn't have escaped his embrace even if she'd wanted to. But separating herself from him was the last thing she wanted to do in that moment. It seemed as if she couldn't get near enough to him. Searching and finally finding, her lips reached his. Their kiss was long and yearning, and both were breathless by the time it was over.

He pulled his head back slightly so that he could see her face. "Bella," he breathed. "Does this mean…?"

She held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "Don't, Edward. Don't say it. It doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore. I just want to be with you."

Edward stared at her incredulously for a moment. "So…you forgive me?" he asked, apparently unsure of whether to trust what she was saying.

"There's nothing to forgive." She thought of her mother's words. "It's not my wrong to be righted, Edward."

He furrowed his brow and stared at her.

She smiled and knew she'd need to explain further. "You did a terrible thing. But you've spent almost a year paying for it. You're a different person than you were then. I see that now. You're not that spoiled boy anymore. It's time that you stop punishing yourself." He opened his mouth to argue with her, but she stopped him. "Besides, like I said, it's not my wrong to be righted. What you did in your past doesn't concern me." She dropped her eyes to the ground, and her voice was quieter when she said her next words. "You didn't kill my father."

Edward still seemed stunned as he led her into his apartment and shut the door. Bella sat on his couch and motioned for him to join her.

"I'm not sure what to say," he said, smiling for the first time. "I won't pretend that I'm not thrilled to have you show up here and tell me all this, but I'm just…shocked, I guess."

"Why?"

Edward took a deep breath. "Well, honestly, I thought that you'd never want to see me again." His voice grew sad, and he stared into the distance for a moment. Then he turned to her again. "Bella, this is going to sound crazy, but are you sure? Are you really sure you can handle this? It's a lot to deal with, and honestly, if you decide a few months from now that it's all too much… Well, I'd really rather know now than go through what I've been feeling this past week again."

Bella sighed. "I wasn't sure at first. Ever since I found out about Jane, I haven't been sure about anything. It's been a long and painful week for me, too. But I've realized some really important things about myself and about you. I promise you, I'm sure. But there are some things I'd like to discuss with you. We don't have to talk about them right now, but soon."

Edward nodded. "No, it's fine. We can talk about whatever you'd like. But first, are you hungry?"

Edward's question made Bella realize that she hadn't eaten since lunch, and the sun had been down for at least an hour. Her stomach growled as if in confirmation, and Edward laughed when he heard it. "Okay, let's feed you first then we'll talk."

They walked hand in hand into the kitchen, and Bella sat in her usual seat at the table, watching Edward as he moved around the kitchen pulling out various ingredients and pots and pans. Thirty minutes later, when he slid a plate of fried chicken in front of her, she arched her eyebrows and smiled. "Looks delicious. Where did you learn to cook, anyway?"

He grinned. "I spent a lot of time following Lupe around in the kitchen. She showed me a few things."

"Remind me to thank her the next time I see her. This is delicious!" Bella exclaimed, mouth partially full of chicken. Edward laughed, and the two ate in relative silence for a while, both just happy to be in the other's presence. By the time Bella laid her napkin down on her empty plate, she was stuffed but happy. She carried their plates to the sink while Edward moved to the living room. She found him waiting for her on the couch. He motioned for her to sit next to him. She did, and they both twisted so they were facing each other.

"What did you want to talk about?" Edward asked, his voice quiet and a little nervous.

Bella thought for a moment, deciding what she wanted to ask. She settled on the most difficult question first.

"Can I ask you about Jane? Did you…or do you…love her?" Bella felt a lump form in her throat as she waited for Edward to answer.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know if this answer will make any sense, but I'll be as honest as I can be. I don't love Jane. I never did. We hadn't been dating for long, and to tell the truth, I'd been ready to break up with her before the accident. But then when the accident happened and she didn't wake up, everyone acted as if she was the love of my life. How was I supposed to correct their mistake without looking like an even bigger jerk? I've never told anyone else that. I think my mom suspects the truth, especially now that she knows about you."

Bella nodded as relief surged through her. She felt horrible for it, but the knowledge that Edward didn't love Jane was immensely comforting. "Do you ever go visit her?" she asked.

Edward placed his hands together on his lap and nodded. "Every week."

His answer surprised Bella. She had no idea that he visited Jane so regularly. "Really?"

He shrugged and nodded again. "Yes. I used to sit by her bed and to talk to her, but I don't do that much anymore. It just seems too forced. But I do still go see her at least once a week."

"Do you ever see her parents?"

Edward stared at a spot somewhere behind Bella's left ear. "Sometimes they're there when I visit. It's never very pleasant when we run into each other."

"Are they mad at you?" she whispered, thinking of her mother and Sam Uley.

Edward's jaw clenched, and he seemed to think for a moment before answering. "I don't know if mad is the right word. They have a lot of anger and resentment toward me, but all in all, they've been very kind. I just never know what to say to them. It's an awkward situation overall."

"Do you ever see any of your old friends? The ones you hung out with before the accident?" Bella asked. As someone who had few friends herself, she'd never thought it unusual that she'd never been introduced to any of his friends, but after everything she'd learned that week, she suspected why that might be.

"Not very often. We don't have a lot in common anymore. The ones that haven't gone across the country for college are still only interested in partying all the time. Not really my scene now." He smiled ruefully at her.

"Do you still drink?" She was beginning to feel like the most unobservant person in the world. She was only recently realizing that she'd never seen Edward so much as take a sip of anything alcoholic.

He shook his head emphatically. "I haven't had anything to drink since that night. Trust me, Bella. I will never drink again."

"Tell me about your car," Bella said.

Edward furrowed his brow at her. "What?"

"Tell me about your car," she repeated.

"My car? The one I drive now?" he asked. She nodded. "Um, I think it's a Nissan. I don't even know what year. I bought it after the crash."

"Did your dad buy it for you?" Bella asked, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"Sort of. He was really angry when I came home with it. He'd already bought me a replacement for the car that I wrecked, but I didn't want it."

"What kind of car did he buy you?" she asked, almost breathless as her suspicions were confirmed.

"A shiny new Lexus. It was even an upgrade from the one I'd driven into the ravine." There was a bitter edge to his voice, and his jaw clenched as he stared at the floor, as if he were remembering an argument he'd had. "I found this one at some dumpy used car lot downtown. I didn't have my own money to pay for it, but I promised my dad I'd pay him back. And I am. I give him part of every paycheck." The note of pride in his voice was unmistakable.

"I knew it," Bella murmured. As he looked at her in confusion, she rose to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him as she climbed into his lap. "I knew it," she repeated.

"Knew what?" he asked, pulling away from her slightly.

She grinned and placed a hand on either side of his face as she looked at him, the conviction she'd felt so strongly when she'd arrived burning inside her again. "You're a good person. Your car is a piece of crap, and you're a good person, Edward." She laughed as she covered his face with kisses.

He laughed and kissed her, but after a minute, he pushed her back gently. "Okay, I'm sorry, but I'm going to need a little more of an explanation than that. Everything else you asked made sense, but I don't get what you mean about my car."

Bella sighed and sat back on his lap. She tucked her hair behind her ears and searched for the words to explain the conviction that she felt in her heart when it came to Edward's car. "Okay, so you did this really horrible thing, right?"

Edward's eyes darkened for a moment. "Right…" he said slowly.

"But you've spent all of this time since then trying to make up for it. You've done all this community service, you've started school, and you have a job now." She listed each item off on her fingers then paused to make sure he was following her. He nodded, even though he still looked confused. "But the biggest thing is your car. You could have had any car you wanted. Your father bought you a brand new sports car to replace the one you destroyed. You could have still driven that around and still been sorry for what happened. But you didn't. You wanted to be a completely different person, and your willingness to drive around in an old, ugly, used car proves that you are."

Edward studied her smiling face for a moment, then shook his head as he placed his hand on her cheek. "I don't know that I completely agree with your reasoning, but you're right about one thing. I am trying," he finished softly.

Bella nuzzled into his hand, loving the feel of him against her skin. She leaned in and kissed him again, and soon their touches became more heated. Breathless, Bella pulled away for a moment. "Edward, take me to your bedroom, please."

He stared at her for a moment, studying her face. She knew he was looking for any sign that she wasn't ready, despite her words. But she knew that he'd find no trace of hesitation in her. She was ready. Without another word, Edward scooped her up and carried her to his room. With the sweep of his hand, he cleared off the clutter that covered his bed and laid her down gently.

He peeled her clothing off with agonizing slowness and made love to her with a tenderness that caused tears to roll down Bella's cheeks—tears that Edward kissed away. She fell asleep in his arms, content and happy in a way that she couldn't remember being in a long time.

In the morning, she awoke to Edward climbing carefully out of bed, obviously trying not to disturb her.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one sneaking out to do the walk of shame?" Bella asked as she yawned and stretched.

Edward grinned and climbed across the bed, stopping only when he was directly over her. "That depends. Do you want to be the one sneaking out?"

She knew he was playing, but she also sensed some underlying worry in his voice. She pushed his hair off his forehead and made sure he was looking her straight in the eyes. "Not at all. There's nowhere else I'd rather be." She wrapped her arms around him and reveled in the feel of being with him—until she caught a glimpse of the clock on his bedside table. "Oh no!" she cried. Edward looked down at her in concern. "Is that the time? I have to be in class in thirty minutes!"

Edward groaned. "Can't you just skip class for one day?" he pleaded.

Bella shook her head as she tore out of bed and began frantically searching for her clothes. "No, I wish."

Edward flopped back onto the pillows. "One day isn't going to hurt. Besides, you're already a genius."

Bella rolled her eyes at him as she pulled on her jeans. "One day probably wouldn't hurt, but two definitely would."

He propped himself up on one elbow. "Two?" he asked, watching her with obvious amusement as she scrambled to get dressed and gather all her belongings.

"I skipped class yesterday," she called from the bathroom.

Edward raised his eyebrows. "You did? What did you do?"

Bella was silent for a moment. "Visited your mother," she said casually. She let out a small yelp when she turned around and Edward was standing in the doorway. She hadn't even heard him get out of bed. "You scared me!"

He ignored her last words. "You what?"

Bella sighed. She should have known bringing up her visit with Esme right then would be a mistake. "Yes, it's kind of a long story—or at least, a longer story than I've got time to tell right now. I'll tell you all about it later." She patted his shoulder in an attempt to get him to move away from the doorway and let her pass. He apparently had other plans. Exasperated, she folded her arms and glared at him. "Okay, fine. I was sort of wandering around the city, and I accidently ended up in your parents' neighborhood. So, on a whim I rang their doorbell. Gilda answered, and your mom and I chatted for a bit."

Edward stared at her in obvious disbelief. "What did you guys talk about?"

"You."

It was his turn to roll his eyes in exasperation. "Well, obviously. Be more specific, please." Now that she was talking again, Edward stepped aside and let Bella pass. He bent to pick up the shoe she was looking for and handed it to her.

"Thank you. Um, well, basically she told me that you're a good person who made one bad mistake. But she doesn't think I'm good enough for you because I'm not rich." Finally dressed and looking somewhat presentable, Bella turned to look at Edward.

His mouth hung partway open in disbelief. "She said that to you?" he said, his voice dangerously low.

"Edward, it's not a big deal. I could have guessed that much myself even before we talked. You obviously don't care what she thinks, and neither do I. Now, as much as I'd love to stay here and play with you all day, I've got to go. Can we talk more about this later? Don't you have class too?"

Edward nodded. "Yeah, okay. We'll definitely talk more about this later. I don't think it's a good idea for you to visit my mother anymore though, okay? And yes, I have class, but not for another hour and a half, so I'll have time to shower." He grinned and winked at her, and Bella rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him.

He pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and drove her the short distance back to her dorm so she could grab her backpack. Luckily, her room was empty. Alice must have had an early class that morning, and Bella was thankful for her good fortune. She was already not looking forward to the conversation she'd inevitably have with her roommate later about why she hadn't come home the night before. She grabbed her backpack off the chair where she'd left it and headed back down to Edward's waiting car. He insisted on driving her to class since she was running so late.

They pulled up in front of the building where her first class was held, and she turned to him and smiled. "Thanks for the ride. I'll call you later?"

Edward nodded. "Have a great day, Bella."

"You, too."

As she climbed out of his car, she watched as he pulled his cell phone out and held it to his ear, his expression grim. She had a sneaking suspicion about who he was calling, and she hoped that she hadn't just made things much worse for Edward and his already strained relationship with his family.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Sixteen

Edward still felt as though he was dreaming. He'd been convinced that when he opened his eyes this morning, she'd be gone, and that her presence would have only been an amazingly realistic figment of his imagination. But he'd been wrong. When he'd opened his eyes, she'd still been there, and his heart had soared. He watched her sleep, her breathing soft and even, for at least ten minutes.

He couldn't believe that he could be so lucky. How could someone who'd done so many bad things in his life have someone like her? She wanted to be with him. He'd heard her say it the night before. Once when she'd first arrived, and then later, over and over again, in soft whispers as he made her his.

He still didn't fully understand why she'd taken him back, but he was just selfish enough not to question it too much. He believed her when she told him that everything was okay. He could see it in her eyes. He'd made a promise to himself to try even harder to be everything she deserved. Then his thoughts turned to his mother, and he felt himself growing upset. When Bella had told him she'd visited his mother, he couldn't believe it. And when she'd told him what his mother had said, his disbelief turned to anger.

He'd called her as soon as he'd dropped Bella off at school, but she hadn't answered. He resolved that he would have a conversation with her about what she had said to Bella as soon as possible. But for the time being, he had to concentrate on getting to class. He knew he hadn't focused as much as he should have on school during the week that he and Bella had been apart, and he felt the need to focus more than ever.

His classes went by slowly though, and his thoughts drifted often to Bella. He texted her to tell her he was thinking of her, and he was thrilled when she quickly texted back. Was it really possible that she cared for him as much as he cared for her? He barely dared to hope. But by mid-afternoon, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He answered it with a smile.

"Hi there."

"Where are you?" Bella asked.

"I just got home. Where are you?" he asked. As he tossed his backpack onto the counter, he heard a knock at the door. "Hold on a second," he said. He pulled the door open and laughed. Bella was standing on his doorstep, phone in hand.

"I'm standing on your doorstep. Let me in," she said, still speaking into the phone, despite the fact that they were making eye contact.

He pulled her inside and shut the door, grinning as he wrapped his arms around her. Was it only that morning she'd climbed out of his bed? It felt like it had been much longer. "I missed you," he murmured as he kissed her neck.

"You did?" She giggled, tilting her head to one side as he slid his lips along her skin. He murmured his assent, and she sighed in contentment. "Do you have to work tonight?" she asked, her voice a little halting.

Edward smiled as he suspected he might be the reason she was having trouble speaking. "Yes, do you?"

"Mhm…"

"What time?" he asked. He'd pushed her shirt as far down one shoulder as he could get it and was nibbling along her collarbone.

"Um…"

Edward laughed and lifted up his head to meet her gaze. She looked disappointed. "What time do you work, Bella?" he repeated.

"Five."

"Good," he said as he lifted her up and carried her over his shoulder to his bedroom.

They barely made it to work on time, and when they arrived together, laughing and whispering, Peter stared at them for a moment, one eyebrow raised.

"You two okay?" he asked.

They both nodded and laughed, but as soon as he was out of earshot, Bella's expression turned serious as she faced Edward. "Okay, we have to act professional while we're at work."

Edward nodded. "You're right. Of course."

But it was easier said than done for both of them. Where before Edward had felt like he barely saw Bella at the restaurant, now it seemed like every time he looked up, he caught a glimpse of her. They exchanged sly, private smiles and somehow managed to take their breaks at the same time.

"Come on," Edward told her, motioning for her to follow him. She did, and he led her out the back door and around the corner to a side alley.

She looked around. "Is this where you always come?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes. It's quiet, and I don't think anyone else knows about it." He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "We can be alone."

No sooner had he begun to kiss her then his phone rang in his pocket. He groaned and fished it out. It was his mother. He really needed to talk to her, but he wasn't too keen on the idea of having the conversation in front of Bella. So, reluctantly, he pushed the reject button.

Bella looked at him questioningly. "Don't feel like you have to miss calls because of me."

Edward sighed. "It's fine. I can call her later."

She studied him for a moment. "Your mom?" she guessed.

Edward nodded.

"Listen, Edward. I was meaning to talk to you about that. I don't want you to have some big argument with her because of what she said to me. I understand why she said what she did. It's fine. Really."

He studied her for a moment as he kicked at the wall of the alley with his foot and folded his arms across his chest. "She had no right to say that to you," he said stubbornly.

Bella shook her head. "No, she didn't. But she's a mother. I think given similar circumstances, my mother would react the same way. She was basically just telling me to get off my high horse."

Edward snorted. "That's funny coming from her."

Bella tilted her head to the side questioningly.

Edward sighed. "Look, my mom and I have a somewhat complicated relationship. I love her. She's my mom, but she's also the woman who raised me to be spoiled and materialistic. She's not the best role model when it comes right down to it."

Bella nodded. "I get it. Moms are complicated. Look, I'm not going to presume to tell you what kind of relationship you should have with her, but I would just hate knowing that I was the cause of any strain or difficulty between you two. That's all."

Edward nodded. He still planned to speak to his mother, but he appreciated Bella's efforts. "So, when is your next day off?" he asked in an obvious attempt at a subject change.

"Wednesday. Why?"

"I think we should go do something fun. Let me talk to Peter and see if I can rearrange my schedule and then we can spend the day together. How late do you have classes on Wednesdays?"

"Only until noon. What do you want to do?" Bella asked, her face lighting up with excitement.

Edward thought for a moment. "Do you like the zoo?"

Bella wrinkled her nose a little. "The zoo? Um, it's okay, I guess."

Edward's eyes grew wide. "Bella, have you not visited the San Diego Zoo since you moved here?" he asked incredulously.

She laughed. "No, I can't say that zoos have been high on my list of priorities."

He shook his head. "No, you don't understand. The San Diego Zoo is amazing. It's one of the best zoos in the country. Okay, it's settled. We're going to the zoo."

Bella raised one eyebrow. "Do I get a say in this at all?"

Edward smirked. "Nope."

Edward talked to Peter later that night and made arrangements with one of the other waitstaff to trade shifts so that he could have Wednesday off. He could hardly wait for that day to arrive.

Ever since he'd been a little boy, Edward had loved visiting the zoo. He'd been to other zoos in other cities, but none of them could compare to the one in his hometown. For a brief time, he'd considered becoming a zoologist, but that dream took a backseat to his football aspirations, and then he became completely sidetracked after the accident.

Wednesday came, and Edward pulled up in front of Bella's building at noon. He called her, and she asked him to come up to her room. She had just returned from class and wanted to change clothes before they left. He parked his car and jogged up the stairs to her floor. Bella answered his knock and stood aside while he stepped into her room.

"Where's Alice?" he asked as she closed the door.

"Class, I think."

"You guys aren't very close, are you?" he asked as he plopped down on her bed to wait.

Bella shrugged as she opened her closet. "I guess not."

"How long have you guys lived together?" he asked, helping himself to a granola bar Bella had lying on her nightstand.

"Since freshman year." Bella scanned her closet and pulled a shirt and a pair of shorts off their hangers. Edward tried not to be too distracted as she changed in front of him. She twisted her long hair into a messy bun and pulled on some sandals. "Okay, I'm ready," she said, smiling.

They walked hand in hand down to his car, and he held her door open for her. The drive to the zoo wasn't very long, and the weather was perfect—not too warm, but plenty of sunshine. They parked, and Edward paid their admission into the zoo.

They spent the afternoon wandering around, and Edward showed her all his favorite animals. He was pleased at how much Bella seemed to enjoy herself. She laughed with him and listened interestedly when he pointed out various things he knew about the zoo and its animals. Tired but happy, they left as the sun was setting, and Edward took her to a little café nearby for dinner.

"So, has this been a good way to spend your day off?" he asked as she scooped up the last bite of the ice cream they'd shared.

Bella smiled at him. "I can't think of a better way."

Edward beamed. "I'm so glad you liked the zoo. You know, I forget that you're not a native and that you've spent the majority of your time here with your nose in a book. I'm going to have to make it a point to show you more local attractions."

Bella nodded. "And I just might have to take you up on that offer. Except, you still have to give me some time to study...and work. I can't lose my scholarship, you know."

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed playfully. "As if that's even a possibility. You are so smart, you don't even need to study. In fact, you need to start tutoring me."

Bella laughed. "I think you're doing fine on your own."

Edward shrugged. "That's okay. I wouldn't let a girl tutor me anyway."

Bella made a sound of mock outrage. "Oh really?"

Edward laughed, and their conversation was interrupted by his phone ringing. He looked at the number but didn't recognize it, so he sent the call to voicemail. He was just paying the bill when the same number called again. Puzzled, he answered.

"Edward, it's Mary O'Brien calling," the voice on the other end of the line said.

"Oh, hello. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize your number."

Mrs. O'Brien interrupted him excitedly. "Yes, yes, it's fine. Edward, it's Jane."

In the split second it took for Mary O'Brien to get the rest of her sentence out, Edward felt a pit of fear form quickly in his stomach. He wasn't sure what her next words were going to be, but he knew that regardless, it wasn't good news for him and Bella.

"She's awake. She's asking for you. How soon can you get here?"

Edward was speechless for a moment. He looked at Bella who'd walked a little way ahead of him on the way to his car, but now stopped to make sure he was coming. She smiled at him. For a split second, he envied her ignorance. She smiled the blissful, peaceful smile of someone who had absolutely no idea that the rug had just been ripped out from underneath her. Edward wanted to be her in that moment.

"I'll be right there," Edward said, his voice low enough he hoped Bella wouldn't hear. He hung up and hurried to catch up with her, plastering a smile on his face that he hoped she wouldn't see through.

It worked for a moment. He helped her into the car and she smiled up at him, but by the time he'd climbed into the driver's seat, she was looking at him with concern.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, tilting her head to one side and examining him closely. "You look really pale all of a sudden. Did something not agree with your stomach?" She reached out and touched his forehead. He closed his eyes and almost whimpered at her touch.

"Bella…" he whispered.

"Edward, you're worrying me. Let's get you home, okay?"

Edward took a deep breath. He needed to think. He needed some time to process what was happening. Had it really just been a few minutes ago that his life had seemed as close to perfect as he could remember? In a few short minutes and with one phone call, it seemed as if his whole world had just come crashing down. He had a choice to make. He could either tell Bella that Jane was somehow, remarkably awake, or he could lie to her.

He knew which choice he wanted to make, which choice the old Edward would have made in a heartbeat. The question was, how close to that old Edward was he still? Had he changed enough that he could sit there, look Bella in the face, and deliver this news to her? Or would he take the coward's way out and deal with it later, just as he'd done most of his life?

"Edward…?" Bella's voice sounded inside his head, and he hated the note of concern he heard there.

Why did this have to happen? Why in that moment? Two months ago, Mrs. O'Brien's phone call would have been the happiest news he'd ever heard, and now it felt like a death sentence. He berated himself for being so incredibly selfish. Jane was awake. She was okay. He hadn't stolen her life from her. But what did this mean for Bella? What would Jane expect? She was asking for him. What did that mean?

A thousand questions flew around his brain, all of them seeking dominance, and he just couldn't handle it. He shook his head and swore under his breath before turning to Bella.

"Okay, listen," he began. "I need to tell you something, and it's…it's good, but it's not good. You're going to have a lot of questions, and I'm not going to have answers for them right now, okay?"

Bella nodded wordlessly, her eyes wide and frightened. He hated himself for how scared she looked. How much more could he put her through? He was about to find out.

"Jane's mother just called. Jane is awake."

For a moment, it seemed as if she hadn't heard him. Her face showed no expression as she stared at him blankly. Then, when he was just about to repeat himself, she said, "That's wonderful news. I'm sure she wants to see you right away." And she smiled. She actually smiled. It was Edward's turn to stare incredulously at her.

**A/N: Did you see that coming? :) **

**You should follow me on Twitter. I love to chat. :) I'm KekahJ**

**Thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: So, I have the most amazing betas ever. Thanks to mcc101180 and Twimarti!**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seventeen

Edward parked his car, the lump in his throat so big he felt as though he couldn't get a deep breath. He climbed out slowly, feeling like he was moving underwater. The whole thing seemed like a dream, or more accurately, a horrible nightmare. How many times had he wished for this moment? How often had he wanted this very thing to happen? But now that it was happening, it felt all wrong.

He'd dropped Bella off at her dorm just a short while ago, feeling like a gigantic idiot. He'd just spent the most incredible day with her, only to end it by dropping her off so that he could go visit his ex-girlfriend who'd been in a coma for almost a year and didn't exactly know she was his ex yet. He was beginning to feel like this was all too much for one person to handle. He couldn't imagine how Bella was feeling. She'd maintained the same positive attitude that she'd adopted upon hearing the news, but he had his doubts about how sincere she really was in her reaction. No one could be that good a person, not even Bella.

Angela met him at the door. "Hi, Edward." She beamed. "I'm so glad you're here. She's been asking for you!" Her enthusiasm would have been contagious if Edward hadn't been so bogged down in his own despair and confusion. Was this how everyone was going to behave? Was he going to be surrounded by this constant, near-euphoric happiness while he tried to pretend he wasn't on the verge of a nervous breakdown? He imagined Angela's excitement was probably exactly what he'd be dealing with from everyone he met there that night. The thought made him a little nauseated. The annoyingly honest voice in his head screamed that he was being incredibly selfish, and he knew, as usual, it was right. Jane deserved this. She deserved to wake up and get her life back. She'd never asked for any of this. But what would she want? Surely she'd still believe they were together, just as they'd been the night of the accident. Would she realize how much time had passed and understand that he'd moved on? Could he bring himself to tell her about Bella? If he didn't tell her about Bella, could he put Bella through the charade of him pretending to still have feelings for Jane? He didn't know the answers to any of these questions.

Edward managed to give Angela a weak smile and allowed himself to be led down the familiar corridor to the room he'd visited at least weekly for almost a year. What would Angela think if she knew how he was really feeling? Angela, who'd been his cheerleader through all of this. He'd never told her about Bella. Would she understand and still be on his side, or would she join Jane's family in thinking he was a horrible person?

All eyes turned to him as he entered the room, and he was instantly aware of how many people were there. Some he recognized—Jane's mother and father—but there were also a lot of unfamiliar faces. All of them smiled at him expectantly.

"Edward!"

He had thought he'd never hear that voice again. He willed himself to look at the bed, and when he did, his stomach lurched uncomfortably. There she was, lying in the same bed she'd been in every time he'd visited her since the accident. Only this time she was sitting up a little, pillows propped behind her head, and instead of sleeping peacefully, or even thrashing around in misery, she was awake and smiling happily at him. He forced himself to smile. "Jane," he murmured.

"You're here," she said, lifting one arm and beckoning him closer.

He moved to her side and embraced her woodenly. She seemed frailer than she had been, and in that moment, Edward felt guiltier and more anguished than he had ever felt in his life. There was the girl whose life he'd nearly ruined—alive, awake, looking weak but incredibly healthy considering that she'd spent the majority of the past year unconscious. But all he could think about right then was Bella.

"I can't believe this, Jane. You're awake. You look amazing!" he heard himself exclaim and Jane beamed.

"My mom has just been telling me about our accident. I don't remember anything. How long was I asleep? What happened?"

Edward looked around and caught Mrs. O'Brien's eye. She gave him a look that clearly indicated that he should tread lightly, so he just smiled and squeezed her hand. Meanwhile, panic alarms were going off in his brain. They hadn't told her what had happened? She didn't know that she'd been in a coma for almost a year?

Obviously seeing his look of alarm, Mrs. O'Brien stepped in. "Jane was a little confused when she first woke up, so we thought we'd give her some time to adjust. And then she was so insistent on seeing you, that we called you right away."

Edward nodded.

"My mom tells me that you visited me all the time. I can't believe you'd do that, baby."

Edward didn't know what to say. More than ever he wanted to be anywhere else but there. How could this be happening?

"So what happened exactly, Edward? I know we were in an accident, but, like I said, I don't remember anything. I feel okay. Just really weak is all," Jane said, flexing her wrists and, under the covers, her ankles.

Mrs. O'Brien looked at Edward pointedly. Apparently, it would fall to him to fill Jane in on what she'd missed. Jane's mother looked around the room. "Perhaps we could give Edward and Jane some privacy. They've got some catching up to do." There were general murmurs of assent around the room, and one by one, people filed out until the only ones who remained were Edward, Jane, and Mrs. O'Brien. Making it obvious that she had no intention of leaving, Mary O'Brien took a seat in the chair by the bed and nodded to Edward.

He sighed and sat on the edge of Jane's bed. She was still clutching his hands, and he squeezed hers a little to keep his own from shaking. "Jane, I'm not exactly sure how to tell you this, so I'll just come out and say it." Somehow, the idea of having to tell Jane himself what he'd done never occurred to him. He'd always imagined that someone else would tell her, or that she'd just know. This was even worse than when he'd had to tell Bella about Jane. He took a deep breath and continued. "You and I were involved in a really bad car accident. I'd been drinking, and I shouldn't have been driving." His voice broke, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "But I did. It was stupid, and I'm so, so sorry. That's why you're in here."

Jane looked at him and blinked. "Was it the night of that party up in the woods?" She furrowed her brow as if details were beginning to come back to her. "Oh, man, I think I remember that. We were both pretty plastered." She glanced apologetically at her mother and then back at Edward. "Hey," she said, laughing a little as she noticed the tears rolling down Edward's cheeks. "Don't cry, sweetheart. It's fine. I'm fine. It happens. We'll just have to be more careful. Look…" she motioned up and down her form "…I'm fine, okay?"

Edward hung his head. It was so much worse than he could have imagined. Tears ran freely down his cheeks and into his lap where their hands were still joined. "You're not fine," he murmured. He looked at Mary O'Brien. "Tell her. Tell her how she's going to have to learn to walk again." Jane's mother remained silent, and Edward wanted to scream. Did he really have to do this all by himself?

"What?" Jane laughed. "I already know how to walk. What are you talking about? Hey," she said, cupping his face in her hands. "This isn't a big deal."

For some reason, her inability to grasp the situation she was in made Edward angry. "No, Jane," he said, standing abruptly. "It is a big deal. Are you going to ask how long you've been here?" He strode to the window and yanked open the blinds. "It's night out, so you can't see right now, but ask me what season it is."

She stared at him with a mixture of confusion and fear on her face. "What are you talking about? It's spring," she whispered.

Edward laughed and shook his head. Mary O'Brien said nothing from her chair but watched Edward with wary eyes. "No, Jane. It's not. It's almost winter. You've been lying in that bed for ten months. Ten damn months that you'll never get back because of me!" He was practically shouting now, and he wondered briefly if the people who'd vacated the room could hear him anyway and what they'd think of the fact that he was yelling at a girl who'd just awoken from a coma. But he couldn't bring himself to care. She had to see. She had to know how much what he'd done had cost her.

Jane blinked as tears finally began to form in her eyes. "What do you mean?" She glanced at her mother for help, and her look turned to one of panic when she saw the tears on her mother's cheeks too. "No…" she whispered. "No. That's impossible. I just…I've just been here a little while. Just a few days…" Her voice was pleading, and Edward wanted more than anything for her to be right. "I'm supposed to start college in the fall…Mom…" Jane tried to twist and move as if to stand, but just as Edward had predicted, she was too weak. A thin sheen of sweat covered her face just from the effort, and she plopped back down on her pillows, breathing heavily. "What's wrong with me?" Her voice was very small and very scared and her hand trembled a little as she reached up to push her hair back from her face.

Mrs. O'Brien stood and moved to her daughter's side, grasping her hands and whispering soft reassurances as she wiped away her tears and dabbed at her sweat-covered brow.

Edward stared blankly out the window. The blank canvas of night reflected his own face back at him, and he closed the curtains in disgust. "Jane," he said, not turning around, unable to look at her. "I did a horrible thing to you. I should never have driven that night, and you've paid horribly for my mistake. I am so very sorry."

Jane said nothing for a long time. Unable to stand it any longer, Edward finally turned to face her. Her mother was still stroking her face, but Jane was looking at Edward. "It's okay, Edward. I know you didn't mean to. It doesn't matter now. I'm awake and here, and we're together."

Her words cut him like a knife, and try as he might, he couldn't find it in himself to correct them. How could he? Instead, he smiled and moved to sit on the edge of her bed again. She reached up and stroked his face, and he smiled down at her.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I am way behind on review replies. I promise I'll get to them soon. Each of you deserve much more than just a reply. You deserve hugs and kisses and to be showered with gifts. :) **


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thanks to the awesome betas at PTB for their mad editing skills. :) **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Eighteen

Bella stared out the window. She knew it was pointless. She'd told Edward to just go home afterward, not to come back to her dorm room. Besides, even if he did come back, the window from her room provided no view of the parking lot below. She wouldn't be able to tell even if he did come back. But she couldn't help herself. She'd been sitting staring out the window for hours. She'd watched as twilight settled over the city. There was a certain change that came over the campus when night fell. Classes were over, students were somehow more relaxed and then even excited at the prospect of kicking back and enjoying their evening. Bella had watched all of this. She alternated between glancing out the window and needlessly checking her phone to see if he'd called. Both searches were fruitless.

Finally, at half past midnight, she crawled under her covers and tried to sleep. Alice came in at some point after that, moving quietly around the room for a bit before climbing into bed and drifting to sleep herself. Bella had pretended to be asleep, but in reality, she lay awake through all of it. She thought about getting out of bed, sneaking into the hallway and calling Edward, but she decided against it. She'd told him to go, and he was taking care of something that had nothing to do with her. She wanted so badly to be a patient, understanding girlfriend. But as the hours ticked by, it became more and more difficult.

As she lay there in the dark, her worst fears began to play out in her mind. She pictured Edward showing up at Jane's bedside, awash with grief and anguish, as she knew him to be. However, once he saw Jane, he suddenly remembered how much he really loved her. They embraced, and Edward became hard-pressed to even remember Bella's name. It wasn't that Bella didn't trust Edward—she did. She believed him when he told her that he wasn't in love with Jane. But she also knew how caught up in trying to do the right thing Edward was. It was one of the things she loved most about him.

And if it came right down to it, that was what this was all about. Bella loved him. She loved Edward more than she could ever remember loving anyone before. She hadn't told him yet, but she knew it was true. She was pretty sure he loved her, even though he too had yet to say it. But what if she was wrong? She was too far gone, too deeply invested now to not get her heart broken. She cursed herself for letting this happen. She prided herself on being smarter than this, and yet there she was. Lovesick and waiting up to hear from a boy who was with another girl. How could she have been such an idiot?

Even if Edward did love her, what would Jane's recovery mean for Bella and Edward's relationship? In the best of scenarios, Edward would go to visit Jane, tell her that he was involved with someone else, and Jane would take the news with grace and aplomb. But would it really be that easy? Bella had to admit to herself that up until that point she'd thought of Jane as some faceless entity that only existed on the perimeter of her and Edward's lives. Now Jane would have to be dealt with as a living, breathing, talking person. Could she handle that? Would Edward still want to keep in touch with her? Would Jane want to meet Bella?

Bella tossed and turned, unable to sleep as her mind was inundated with unanswerable questions. She briefly considered going to study, but she knew she couldn't concentrate on schoolwork. On top of everything else, in the back of her mind was the worry about how much less time she'd been devoting to school since Edward came along, but she pushed that concern down. She had more pressing things to worry about in that moment.

Dawn came, and Bella greeted it with bleary, sleep-deprived eyes. She'd finally given up and resumed her post at the window, watching as the inky black of night turned purple, then pink, and finally fiery orange as the sun spread its light across the sky. Still she'd received no word from Edward. She wondered if sleep had found him, or if he too had stared into the night sleepless and restless and unable to have the answers he craved. She knew if she was going to have any chance at peace that day, she needed to talk to him before she went to class. She scooped her phone off her bedside table and snuck into the still-deserted hallway.

His voice was groggy and thick when he answered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she said, trying to infuse confidence she didn't feel into her voice.

"No, it's fine. I wanted to call you last night, but I wasn't sure if you'd be awake. It was pretty late when I got home."

"It's okay," she lied. "So, how'd it go?" She tried for a casual tone, but her voice trembled a little, and she wasn't sure if he was convinced.

He sighed. "It was…I just…" He paused. "Can I see you?"

Bella wasn't sure whether to be relieved or even more worried as she dressed and crept back out of her room again. She jogged the whole way to Edward's, pent-up nervous energy fueling her every step.

When he answered, she knew he'd had just as restless of a night as she'd had. His hair was a mess, and the puffy dark circles she'd seen before had returned. He was shirtless and wore a pair of low slung plaid pajama pants. "Hey." He smiled ruefully. "Come in. Do you want some breakfast?"

Feeling too nervous to eat, Bella shook her head. "I'm okay."

Edward plopped down on his couch, and Bella sat beside him, her stomach a ball of nerves as she watched him. Did he want to see her to tell her that he'd changed his mind and that he and Jane were reunited?

"So how is Jane?" she asked, unable to stand the suspense any longer.

Edward rubbed his eyes. "She's actually really good. She's pretty weak, and she'll need to do a lot of physical therapy, but for everything that she's been through, and for how long she was unconscious, she's really good."

His words brought Bella none of the comfort she'd hoped for. She nodded and tried to smile. "That's good news, then."

"Yeah," Edward said. He took a deep breath. "Look, Bella. I don't know how to say any of this, so I'm just going to say it."

Fear paralyzed her. This was it.

"Jane has absolutely no memory of the accident. She didn't have any idea how long she was in that coma. The last thing she remembers is the night of the accident. She thinks we're still together." As he finished speaking, Bella saw him watching her closely trying to gauge her reaction.

It took a great effort, but she kept her expression neutral and nodded carefully. "I see." Inside she felt panic grip her.

"Bella." He moved closer to her and took her hands in his. She felt ice slide down her spine as she anticipated what was coming next. "I love you," he whispered.

She blinked for a moment. Those had not been the words she was expecting.

Edward didn't wait for her to respond before continuing. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life. I want to be with you. I love you."

Bella was stunned and still very unsure of what he was trying to say. "I love you, too," she managed.

Edward smiled. "You do?"

She nodded and tears welled in her eyes. This wasn't how she imagined the moment where they declared their love for each other.

His expression turned serious again, and he reached up and stroked her cheek. "I love you so much, but I don't know how to tell Jane that she and I aren't together anymore. I've already put her through so much."

There it was. The ice was trickling down her back again. "Okay…I'm not exactly sure what you mean, Edward. You're telling me you love me, but you want to be with Jane? I don't understand."

"No, no. I don't want to be with Jane. You're the only person I want to be with." His voice was anguished, and as if unable to continue, he closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands for a moment as he tried to gather himself. "I can't, Bella," he said in a tortured voice. "I can't ask you to do this. It's too much."

Bella watched him for a moment, understanding finally dawning. "You want to pretend to still be with Jane." The ice that had slid down her spine moments before felt more numbing than painful.

Edward groaned. "No. I mean, yes. But, no. It's too much, Bella. I can't ask that of you."

"Edward, is that what you want? You want to pretend to still be with Jane?"

"I don't see any other way right now. I can't hurt her again now, not after everything that's happened. You should have seen her, Bella. She was so happy, so positive."

"For how long?" Bella asked.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. Like I told you before, our relationship was winding down before the accident. I'm hoping things will just take their natural course and it'll fizzle out. I just can't tell her that I've moved on. I can't tell her about you." His last words were a whisper, and he didn't seem to be able to meet her eyes. "But I can't ask you to understand that. This whole thing is my mistake, my mess. I should never have dragged you into it in the first place. I just…It had been so long…I honestly thought…"

He left his last thought unfinished, but Bella knew what he'd been thinking. Somehow in all of this, both of them had managed to forget about Jane. They'd managed to make her an inconvenient but forgettable part of Edward's past. Of course Jane waking up was a possibility. It always had been, but it had been all too convenient to pretend that it wasn't and continue on as if Jane no longer existed. But there she was, alive and well, awake, and making sure that neither of them could forget about her.

Bella sighed and ran her hands through her hair. She was an idiot. She knew it, but there wasn't a thing she could do about it. She loved Edward more than anything, and she knew in that moment that she'd do whatever it took for them to be together. If this was what Edward needed to make the horrible things in his life better, she could live with that. "Okay," she said simply.

Edward froze, his fingers pressed into his temples, elbows resting on his knees. "What?" he asked without looking up.

"Okay," she repeated, shrugging. "Do what you need to do."

He looked up at her, already shaking his head. "No. You're not going to do this. I won't let you. This isn't fair to you. You deserve better than this."

Bella nodded. "You're right, I do. But it doesn't matter. You're the one I love, and this is the situation we have to deal with."

Edward looked at her, still unconvinced, and let out a puff of air. "I don't know what to say. How can I let you do this?"

Bella shrugged. She wasn't sure how to express to him how she was feeling. She thought for a moment before speaking. "You don't have to say anything. Look, what choice do I have? You're not going to change your mind about Jane. I know you. You're going to try and do what you think is the right thing for her. So I either say goodbye to you now and lose you forever, or try and stick with you through this thing in the hopes that when it's all over we can be together."

Edward studied her for a moment. "You're unbelievable, do you know that? I don't deserve you."

Bella moved closer to him and took his hands in hers. "Yes, you do. You deserve happiness. You're a good person, and you'll do your best to make things right for Jane. I can't fault you for that." She leaned in and kissed him. "And when this is all over, we're going to be together and happy. Both of us." Would she ever be able to convince him that he wasn't a horrible person?

He wrapped his arms around her, running his hands up her back and into the hair at the base of her neck. "I don't care what you say," he mumbled into her jaw. "I don't deserve you."

Bella sighed as she climbed into his lap. "Someday I'm going to get you to believe me when I tell you what a good person you are. Would I be here if you weren't?" As she spoke, she slid her hands up his bare chest and over his shoulders, pulling him closer to her as she brought her lips to his.

"I don't know," he mumbled against her lips. "You are pretty smart."

"Not when it comes to you," she murmured without really thinking about what she was saying.

Edward pulled back abruptly. "I knew it. You think this is a stupid idea too. Bella, why aren't you being honest with me?"

Bella sighed and climbed off his lap. "Edward, what do you want me to say? Yes, I think this is a bad idea. I think the best thing you could do is be honest with Jane. She has to understand that time has passed unbeknownst to her. She has to realize that things have changed. But it doesn't matter what I think. This isn't about me. This isn't my decision. You have to do what you think is best."

Edward stared at her. "Thank you," he said quietly. "You can always be honest with me."

Bella shrugged. "I'm sure in the long run, Jane would appreciate the same courtesy." She immediately felt guilty for the edge in her voice, especially when she saw the pain in Edward's eyes, but she couldn't pretend to be the patient, long-suffering girlfriend any longer. She sat down and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Edward. I really am. I know this is an awful situation for you, and I promise that I'll stand by you no matter what you decide."

Edward leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. "Can I just have a week? One week to straighten things out with her? I know it's asking way too much, but I'm asking anyway. Please? One week." His voice was desperate, and Bella sighed.

"One week," she repeated. "So what does that mean? I don't see you for a week?" The idea was painful.

Edward thought about it for a moment. "No, Jane is in no condition to go home anytime soon. She's going to be transferred to a rehab facility, but it'll be a while before she comes home. I should have plenty of time to get things straightened out before then. I see no reason why you and I can't see each other. I'm just going to have to give her a little more of my time than I usually do. I don't think my once weekly visits are going to cut it anymore," he said with a grimace.

Bella nodded. "Okay, I can accept that." And really, she felt like she could. As long as they could still spend their free time together, would it really matter to Bella that Edward was spending time with another girl pretending to still be in a relationship with her for a few more days? Bella swallowed down the lump in her throat that thought caused.

Edward beckoned for her to come closer. "Come here, love."

She smiled at the term. Love. She couldn't help it. It thrilled her to hear him say it. She climbed back into his lap, and it wasn't long before their touches and caresses became more heated and full of need.

"Edward, I have to go to class," she said breathlessly.

"Then we'll have to be quick." He grinned.

They made love right there on the sofa. It was quick and full of unspoken promises. Bella looked into Edward's eyes, and what she saw there made her feel better. He loved her. She felt it in the way he held her. His look told her he was terrified of losing her, but he didn't know what else to do. She cupped his face in her hands and tried to tell him with her eyes what he wouldn't believe from her lips: that he was worth all of this.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. :) **


	20. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Nineteen

He felt like he should be happier. The girl whose life he'd nearly ended was going to be okay. For months in the beginning, she'd teetered on the brink of death, and then for so many more months, she'd laid there, stable but unreachable. And now she was awake, and what's more, she was ecstatic about life. Sure, she'd been shocked at first to learn how much time had passed while she'd been in her coma, but now she was cheerful almost to a fault. What's more, the girl that Edward loved so much it hurt was willing to stick this whole mess out with him. Bella was going to stand by him while he tried to sort things out with Jane.

So why wasn't he happier? And why did he still have this gnawing guilt that clawed at his belly almost constantly? Some of it probably had to do with the fact that Jane was so cheerful. Every time he walked into the room, she lit up like a Christmas tree. She acted as though he hung the moon and stars, instead of being the reason she was still lying in that hospital bed. It was all very trying for Edward. Plus, whenever he saw Bella, the guilt went from a dull throb to a gut-wrenching pain. She smiled and even asked how Jane was, but Edward knew as the days passed that Bella was dying on the inside.

Twice they'd planned a date, only for Edward to cancel abruptly when Jane called and wanted to see him. Each time, Bella had smiled good-naturedly, and he'd dropped her off at home, and each time, Edward had wanted to die. It was becoming harder and harder for him to pretend to be Jane's devoted boyfriend, and much to his alarm, instead of growing steadily more independent as the days wore on, she seemed to need him by her side more and more. How much longer could he keep up this charade?

The only thing that made the whole thing tolerable was the fact that in the days since Jane had awoken, Bella had practically moved in to Edward's apartment. They'd never really discussed it—she'd just shown up at his door that night after work and was there waiting for him each time he returned from visiting Jane. Neither of them said it, but Edward felt like they were each trying to use physical closeness and proximity to each other to make up for the huge Jane-shaped barrier that stood in the middle of their relationship. Edward made love to Bella every chance he got, and if she minded, she never complained. It was as though he couldn't get close enough to her; he couldn't make her his enough times to satisfy himself that everything was going to be all right. From the way she welcomed his advances and clung to him, Edward could only assume she was having some of those same feelings.

The deadline he'd agreed upon with Bella loomed ever present over him until finally the morning of the seventh day came. He'd gotten in the habit of visiting Jane in the mornings before his first class and then again before he went to work. He hadn't meant to visit her twice a day, but she was always so happy to see him, and it hadn't taken long for her to want more than just a once-daily visit. Bella hadn't said anything about the change, but he was sure she'd noticed.

He rolled quietly out of bed, kissing Bella's bare shoulder before heading for the shower. The water was just growing warm enough when he felt Bella's small hands wrapping around his waist. He smiled, pleased that she wanted to join him. He turned toward her.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, kissing her neck as the water began to run down her body in little rivulets.

"Good morning," she replied, her voice still thick with sleep. She smiled as she reached up and pushed Edward's wet hair out of his face. "Did you sleep well?"

Edward shrugged. "As well as I usually do, I guess."

Bella smiled ruefully and ran her fingertips lightly down his face, pausing to touch the dark circles under his eyes. "You don't sleep much lately, do you?" she asked.

Edward shrugged again, touched by how well she knew him. "I've got a lot on my mind," he murmured.

Bella's eyes clouded over slightly at his subtle and unintentional reference to Jane. "So, it's been a week…" she said hesitantly.

Edward took a deep breath. He'd been dreading this conversation. "I know," he said. He hated himself for having to even have that discussion with her. She'd been so incredibly understanding—much more understanding than he deserved.

"How are things going with Jane?" Bella asked tentatively as she reached for the shampoo.

Edward ran his hands over his face, flicking droplets of water as he did so. Gently, he turned Bella around and began to massage the shampoo into her long hair. He felt her relax against him as his fingers worked their way across her scalp. "Okay, I guess. She's pretty much all settled into the new place. And her therapist says her treatment is going well."

Bella nodded but remained silent. He knew what she wanted to know. Was he really that big of a coward that he'd make her say it? "She doesn't seem to be any closer to…" He searched for the right word.

"Letting you go?" Bella supplied. He let his fingers fall from her hair, and she moved carefully past him to stand under the stream of hot water and rinse the shampoo. She finished and lifted her head again, looking him in the eye. "So what's your plan from here?"

Edward suddenly found it very hard to meet her steady gaze. "Bella, I promise, I'm going to figure something out. I'm going to take care of this. I swear to you." His words came in a rush. "I just need some time to think." The moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them.

Bella's eyes flashed, and her jaw became more set. "Time to think? Does that mean that you've been able to think about anything else this past week? Because I sure haven't."

"Bella…" He bent to turn off the water, and they both stepped out onto the bathmat. Edward handed her a towel before wrapping another one around himself. "That's not what I meant. Of course this is all I think about. You noticed yourself how much I've not been sleeping lately. I just don't know what to do." He couldn't help the note of anguished despair that crept into his voice as he sat down on the edge of the tub. "You love me for doing the right thing, but what if I don't know what the right thing is anymore?" he whispered.

Bella tucked her towel under her arms and knelt in front of him. "Edward, you know what the right thing is. Go to Jane. Tell her the truth. She'll appreciate your honesty. I know you think that you're doing her a favor by easing her into the whole idea that you've moved on, but you're really not. Be honest with her. Please…"

He took a deep breath. Of course she was right. "Okay," Edward said, standing. "You're right. I'll talk to her today."

Bella stood with him and kissed him. "Thank you. I know it won't be an easy conversation, but it'll be worth it. You can't keep spreading yourself so thin."

Edward nodded and stood, following Bella out of the bathroom. They dressed, and soon after, Bella left for classes. As she left, Bella kissed Edward and squeezed his hand as she smiled reassuringly at him. He smiled back and wished that some of her confidence would transfer to him.

He made himself some toast, but it tasted like sawdust in his mouth, so he ended up throwing most of it away. He sighed and checked his watch, knowing that he needed to leave soon if he was going to have time to visit Jane before his first class. He was dreading what he'd have to do, but he knew that Bella was right. He needed to set things straight with Jane. It wasn't fair to her to keep up the pretense of being her boyfriend. He had hoped that she would just realize on her own how much things had changed since their accident, but at that point, it didn't seem likely. He'd told that he'd started school, and anytime she asked about their old friends, Edward would tell her that he no longer saw much of them, but it didn't seem to matter. She wasn't picking up on his hints.

He drove to Jane's rehab facility, a huge knot in his stomach the whole time. The nurses at the front desk smiled when they saw him. His visits were frequent enough that they were beginning to recognize him. He smiled back half-heartedly and continued on to Jane's room.

"Edward!" she squealed when she saw him. She was sitting up in a chair near the window, her walker close by. "I was wondering if you were going to make it this morning. I've missed you!" Her lips turned pouty, and she batted her eyes at him. Edward stifled a groan. Jane's penchant for overdramatizing and pouting to get her way was one of the things Edward liked least about her and seemed to be something she resorted to more and more lately.

He put on his best smile as he approached her. She leaned toward him expectantly, and he kissed her dutifully, feeling like the world's biggest jerk the entire time. He tried to limit his physical contact with Jane as much as possible, and her inability to take more than a few steps before becoming completely exhausted made that easier, but there were still times when he felt he had no choice but to show her affection in order to keep up the farce he'd trapped himself in.

"I got here as soon as I could," he said, squeezing her shoulder. "Did you have breakfast already?"

Jane shook her head. "No, they're supposed to bring it to me, but they're taking forever!" she exclaimed loudly, rolling her eyes and looking toward the door to her room, as if by doing so, someone would magically appear carrying her breakfast tray.

"I'm sure they'll be in soon," Edward reassured her. The facility she'd been transferred to was the best money could buy, and Edward had been appalled and embarrassed on several occasions during the past week by Jane's rude behavior toward the staff. He tried to tell himself that it was just because she was frustrated and that he'd feel the same way if he were in her position, but it was getting more and more difficult to excuse her behavior.

The more time Edward spent with Jane, the more he realized how little they had in common. She seemed to be the embodiment of everything he loathed about his upper-class roots. She was spoiled and entitled, and the fact that he could hardly stand being in the same room with her for very long gave him hope that he really had changed over the past year. Jane was the opposite of Bella in almost every way.

"I can't stay for long," he said, pulling himself from his thoughts. "I've got class." He'd never been so glad to have to go to school before. "But I wanted to talk to you before I go." He took a deep breath but was interrupted by a knock on the open door.

"Jane, are you ready to do some of your exercises?" Jane's therapist was a tall, muscular man named Demetri. He and Edward exchanged smiles and nods as he entered.

"I want to eat first," Jane said, a hint of a whine in her voice.

"I know you do, but breakfast isn't going to be served for another half hour, and that gives us plenty of time to work some of your muscles," Demetri said.

Edward admired his persistence. Jane almost always complained about having to do any of the work that was required by her physical therapist.

"Come on, get up," he said, extending his arm for Jane to grab onto. She rolled her eyes and made a face but complied. Demetri helped her move to her walker and then stood nearby to support her as she began to move. Edward felt the familiar pang of guilt as he watched her legs moving clumsily underneath her. It was his fault she was there, his fault she had to work so hard. He hung back and tried to stay out of the way as the three of them walked to the physical therapy room down the hall.

The room was outfitted with all the typical things Edward had seen in movies. There were giant exercise balls, free weights, several sets of bars that ran parallel to one another, exercise mats, and there was even a large hot tub in one corner. Jane eyed it longingly as they walked through the door. Demitri caught her and laughed. "First, you have to do the work. Then, you can have the reward. Okay, we've been doing a lot with your legs, but I'd like spend a little time today on your core." He trotted to one of the giant exercise balls and rolled it toward her. "You're going to practice sitting on this. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. Edward and I will be really close by if you need us." Demetri glanced at Edward as he spoke, and Edward nodded and moved to the other side of the ball.

Jane looked at Demetri skeptically, but she took his outstretched hand and positioned herself over the ball. Demetri supported her under her arms as she lowered herself down. Edward hovered, unsure of how to help.

"Good! Now do you feel those muscles in your abdomen and your legs? Those are the muscles that we're working on. So I want you to hold yourself up as long as possible. If you start to feel too shaky, just let us know and we'll catch you. You'll be fine, I promise," Demetri finished in response to Jane's doubtful look.

Edward was sure that at any moment she was going to throw a fit and refuse, but he was surprised instead to see her brow furrow in concentration as she struggled to keep herself upright on the huge ball. After a moment, she looked up at Edward, beaming. "I'm doing it! Look!"

Edward couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "You're doing great!" he exclaimed.

No sooner had the words left his mouth when everything went wrong. She somehow shifted just a miniscule amount, and before Edward knew what was happening, she was tilting precariously toward him. He reached for her, but he wasn't fast enough. Seeing what was happening, Demetri also reached for her, but he too missed. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Edward watched her terrified face, mouth open and eyes wide as she flailed helplessly, not strong enough to right herself or stop herself from sliding off the ball and onto the floor with a loud and uncomfortable thump.

It seemed like everyone was silent and still for an eternity. Edward's heart thumped in his chest, and his hands began to shake. Was she okay? How much additional damage would this fall cause? Then quickly, Demetri bent down and scooped her up. Jane stared at them wordlessly for a moment, eyes still wide in terror. It took Edward a second to realize that she'd had the wind knocked out of her by the fall. Demetri carried her to the nearest chair, a sturdy one with arms and lots of support, and gingerly set her down.

"Jane, are you all right?" Demetri asked as his trained professional eye travelled quickly over her.

Finally getting her breath back, Jane took several large gulps of air. Edward watched as tears began to roll down her cheeks. "What happened?" she said in broken sobs, looking back and forth between Edward and Demetri. "You were supposed to catch me!"

Demetri gave her a sympathetic look. "I know, and I'm so sorry. It all just happened so fast."

"Please take me back to my room," Jane sobbed.

"Now, Jane, I know that was scary, but you seem like you're no worse for the wear. Let's try to get in a few more exercises—"

"I want to go back to my room!" Jane shouted so loudly that both Edward and Demetri jumped.

Demetri opened his mouth to argue, but apparently thought better of it. "Okay, let me get your walker," he answered instead.

Jane shook her head adamantly. "No, I can't walk."

Demetri raised his eyebrows. "Look, Jane. You had one fall. I have patients who fall all the time, and you know what they do? They get back up and try again. You can walk back to your room."

Jane glared at him. "I don't want to walk. I need a wheelchair," she said coldly. She turned to Edward for support.

Edward glanced at Demetri, feeling torn. "Maybe just this once she could take a wheelchair back. I'm sure she'll work extra hard later today to make up for it," he said.

Demetri looked back and forth between Edward and Jane for several moments before he threw his hands up. "Fine," he said, his voice tight, and he retrieved a wheelchair from the corner of the room. The silence was tense as Edward practically carried Jane to the wheelchair. She refused to help at all, and so Edward had no choice but to pick her up. Demetri was apparently just as determined as she was not to help and watched the whole process with his arms folded stiffly across his chest. The silence continued as the three of them made their way back to Jane's room. When they arrived, Jane's breakfast tray was sitting on her bedside table.

"Oh great!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air to show her annoyance. "Now my breakfast is cold!"

Wordlessly, Edward helped her out of the wheelchair. She remained limp, and so he mostly carried her and set her in the chair by the window. Demetri watched, and when Edward handed her the tray of food, he cleared his throat and said quietly, "Edward, may I speak with you in the hall for a moment?"

Edward nodded and followed him out. Demetri turned and faced Edward once they were out of Jane's earshot. "I have to tell you, I have some serious concerns about your girlfriend," Demetri began, and Edward flinched at the term. Demetri apparently didn't notice, because he continued. "She is one of the most stubborn patients I've ever had. She doesn't want to do any work, and she's not going to improve unless she changes her attitude. Do you think you could talk to her?"

Edward sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I can try," he offered.

"Whatever help you could give me would be great. She could be out of here in a few weeks if she applies herself, but if she keeps on the way she's going, it'll be a lot longer before she fully recovers. She needs to apply herself."

"Well, that was a pretty scary fall in there," Edward said, feeling like he needed to defend Jane just a little.

Demetri shook his head. "I have patients fall worse than that all the time, and they're fine. Falling like that is good for them. It teaches them that they're not going to break and that they can get up and keep going."

Edward raised one eyebrow. He admired Demetri's tough love attitude, but he wasn't sure it was the right way to go with someone like Jane. "I'll talk to her," he promised. Satisfied, Demetri nodded and disappeared down the hall.

Edward sighed as he realized that for the second time that day, he'd promised someone he'd talk to Jane about something unpleasant. Why were all of these tasks falling to him? But the voice in his head screamed at him exactly why. Because he was the reason she was there. If not for him, she wouldn't have to be applying herself to learning to walk again.

When he entered her room again, Jane was munching happily on her breakfast. Edward glanced at his watch and realized that his first class had started thirty minutes ago. He sat down on the edge of her bed. "Jane, I need to talk to you about some things," he said, tucking his hands underneath his thighs so she wouldn't see them shaking.

She took a gulp of orange juice and turned her attention toward him. "Okay, Edward. But first, I just want to say I'm sorry I got upset before. Falling like that just scared me so badly." She paused as tears began to well in her eyes again.

"I know it did. But Demetri says that it's normal to have falls like that."

Jane scrunched up her nose. "What the hell does he know?" she said, her voice getting louder with each word. "What do any of you know? Have you ever had to learn to walk again? Have you ever been in a coma?" She was shouting now, and Edward glanced toward the door. "You don't know how hard this is, Edward! You don't know what it's like!" Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she looked so small and vulnerable. Crushed, Edward strode toward her. He knelt in front of her to offer her whatever comfort he could, much like Bella had knelt in front of him earlier that morning.

"Jane, ssshhh," he said, reaching up to wipe her tears away. "I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry," he said, tears forming in his own eyes.

Jane gulped. "Can you just hold me, Edward? I feel better when you're holding me," she whispered.

Feeling more conflicted than he'd ever felt, Edward stood and scooped Jane into his arms. She weighed practically nothing, and that fact only added to his misery and guilt. He sat down in the chair she'd just vacated and settled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and doing his best to soothe her as sobs wracked her small frame. Soon, her sobs became quieter until they were replaced with her soft, even breathing. Edward stared out the window and wondered how he was ever going to keep his promise to Bella.

**A/N: Thanks to my amazing betas mcc101180 and Twimarti. Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. 3 Also, you can follow me on Twitter. I'm KekahJ :) **


	21. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty

Bella smiled when she saw the lights in the windows of Edward's apartment. It was one of their few nights off together, and the fact that he was already home meant that they'd have the whole night to spend together. She'd even worked extra hard that day to make sure that she wouldn't have any homework to distract her that evening. Anticipation bubbled excitedly inside her as she realized that Edward would have told Jane the truth, and he'd finally be free.

Winter break was only a few days away, and Bella couldn't wait to spend the time with Edward. Her mother had begged her to come home, but she'd refused, using too much schoolwork as an excuse, but she really just wanted to be with Edward.

She turned the key he'd given her the week before in the lock and swung the door open. She inhaled deeply as the aroma of cooking food washed over her. Apparently, she wasn't the only one in the mood to celebrate. Bella grinned. Edward was cooking. She'd been delightfully surprised to learn what a good cook Edward was. He'd cooked for her several times during the course of their relationship, and she'd enjoyed his food immensely each time.

"Hello?" she called, setting her backpack by the door. She knew she'd more than likely be spending the night there, but it'd be nice to be able to find her backpack quickly in the morning. She'd spent almost every night with Edward since Jane had woken up. There was something comforting about the fact that he spent each night in her arms, even if he spent most of his days in Jane's company. Bella had reminded herself a hundred times during the past week that Jane wasn't a rival—if anything she was someone to be sympathized with—but every once in a while, Bella's jealous side surfaced.

"Hey there," Edward called from the kitchen. "You're just in time. Dinner's almost ready."

She smiled as she entered the kitchen. "It smells amazing. Can I help with anything?" she asked after giving him a quick kiss and a hug.

"Nope. Just have a seat," he said, smirking and winking at her as he set a steaming pot down on the table.

She obeyed, and Edward grabbed a loaf of crusty bread out of the oven. "Spaghetti Carbonara," he said as he sat down across from her. Bella's eyes were wide, and her mouth watered as he scooped out a heaping portion of spaghetti for her.

"Thank you." She smiled as she picked up her fork.

He grinned in response, and they began eating. Their conversation was sparse as they both twirled their forks, scooping up mouthfuls of spaghetti and breaking off hunks of crusty bread. It wasn't until Bella felt as if she couldn't eat another bite that she sighed and tossed her napkin onto her plate.

She sighed. "Good looking and a good cook. How did I get so lucky?"

Edward laughed and shook his head at her. "I don't know."

She grinned back at him, feeling truly content. "So how was your day? How did things go with Jane?" Immediately, Bella sensed something was wrong. Edward's expression darkened, and he didn't seem to be able to meet her gaze anymore. "Edward? You did talk to Jane, right?" she asked, ducking her head in an effort to get him to look at her.

Edward wiped his mouth on his napkin and finally looked at her. "No," he said simply.

Bella felt her hands shake in her lap, and a cold trickle of ice crept painfully down her spine. "No?" she asked unnecessarily. "What happened?" She worked to keep her voice even.

He sighed. "There was an incident today. She fell."

"Is she all right?" Bella asked, her concern genuine. Although she wanted Jane out of their lives, she wished her no harm.

"She seems to be. But it really shook her up. She's not doing very well, Bella. Her therapist told me that her recovery is going to take longer than they first thought."

Bella stared at Edward for a moment, torn between anger and sympathy for the anguish and guilt that she knew he must be feeling. "I'm sorry to hear that. What's changed? I thought she was doing well," she said, fighting to keep the anger at bay.

Edward shrugged. "She was, but it's just so difficult. I can't imagine being in her position. She has to learn to do a lot of things again from scratch, and it's all my fault."

Bella was unsurprised by the torture in his voice. If there was anything that was going to keep Edward from setting things straight with Jane, it was his guilt. He was far too hard on himself, but she had no idea how to get him to see that. She sighed and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest. "So what's your plan now, then?" she asked, unable to hide the impatience she felt.

Edward glanced at her guiltily. "Her therapist thinks that if I'm there for most of her sessions, she'll do better. He says she responds better to me than she does to just him."

Bella's mouth fell open. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So, let me get this straight," she said, sitting up in her chair. "Not only did you not tell Jane that you've moved on, now the plan is for you to spend _more_ time with her?"

Edward sighed in response.

"I can't believe this. I don't even know what to say right now," she said. "This is…" She faded off, unable to find the words to express how she felt.

"I know," Edward said quietly. "I know. It's too much, but I don't know what else to do. How can I abandon her now when they're telling me that I might be the key to her recovering? I'm the reason she's in there in the first place!" His voice grew firmer with each word, and Bella felt an awful realization dawn.

"You're never going to be done," she said quietly, more to herself than to Edward.

"What?" he asked.

"This is never going to end. You feel so guilty and so tied to her that you're going to let her keep you sucked in forever," she said. "You're never going to be done." The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. It was both terrifying and freeing at the same time.

"Bella, that's not true," Edward said, shaking his head.

"No," Bella said, secure in her newfound epiphany. "It's true. I know you now. You are so consumed by the guilt that you feel over Jane that you're going to let her manipulate you forever."

"Bella, you're not being fair." He lifted his hand as if to reach out to her, but then thought better of it and crossed his arms across his chest.

"I'm not being fair?" she repeated, growing angrier. "I'm not being fair? Are you kidding me? I've stood by while you played the doting boyfriend for a week, Edward. How can you possibly say that?"

Edward suddenly seemed flustered. "That's not what I meant. Of course you've been more than fair. I just mean that you don't understand what Jane and I are going through."

Bella fought the urge to laugh. It was all so clear now. "That's just it, Edward. You said it yourself. 'Jane and I.' You can't separate yourself from her. This accident has linked you two together in a way that I'll never be able to separate."

Edward sat back in his chair, his jaw clenching as he looked at Bella. "So what are you saying?"

Bella thought for a moment, trying to get the thousand thoughts that were flying through her mind in order. What was she saying? Suddenly, she knew. Again, she felt both extremely liberated and undeniably saddened by the knowledge. "I'm done," she said simply.

He stared at her blankly for a moment. "Seriously?"

Bella sighed and gave him a sad smile. "I can't do this, Edward. I can't wait around to be the first priority in your life. You feel responsible for Jane—I get that. But no one expects you to spend your life trying to make things up to her—except maybe you."

"Bella…" Edward whispered. "I don't have any right to ask you for this. I know I've asked for too much already, but I'm asking anyway. Please don't go." His voice broke, and the resolve that Bella had felt so strongly only moments before wavered.

"Edward…" she whispered. "I love you so much. Nothing could ever change that."

"I love you too, Bella. I don't want to be with anyone but you."

"But you can't be. You can't promise me that you won't see Jane anymore. I know you can't," she said.

Edward's silence was all the confirmation she needed. She smiled sadly and stood. She leaned in and kissed him, putting all the love, and also sorrow, she could muster into that kiss. When it was over, she straightened up and walked out of the kitchen. She grabbed her backpack by the door and left, never once looking back. She knew that if she turned around, if she looked back, there was the possibility that she'd see his face and change her mind completely.

Once outside, she pulled her sweater around herself, the cold she felt having nothing to do with the weather outside. She walked, and as she walked, she listened. She told herself that even if she'd heard him frantically calling her name behind her, she wouldn't have stopped, wouldn't have turned around and gone back, but she knew deep down she probably would have. But it didn't matter anyway, because the night was still and quiet. There were no desperate cries begging her to return to rent the air and test her resolve.

She arrived at her dorm and found it blissfully empty. She didn't bother to turn on the lights. Instead, she dropped her backpack inside the door and climbed onto her bed. It seemed so much smaller than the bed she'd been sleeping in all week, and the thought of once again sleeping alone in a tiny bed was what finally broke her.

Once the tears started, she didn't know how to stop them. Alice came home a short time later and was dismayed to find a shaking, sobbing, blubbering Bella.

"What happened?" she asked repeatedly, but Bella could only manage to get out one word: "Edward." In the end, Alice ended up just sitting next to Bella on the bed, rubbing her back and handing her tissues as Bella cried uncontrollably. Finally, Bella's tears dried up. She was quite sure it was because she had no more left to cry. She felt dead inside, drained and empty like the discarded husk of some once beautiful flower.

"I want to talk to my mom," she said quietly.

Happy to be able to do something helpful, Alice sprang into action. "Okay, let me get your phone. Here, I'll dial for you," she said, and she handed Bella her phone. "Do you want me to step out so you can have some privacy?"

Bella nodded appreciatively as the phone rang in her ear. She had no idea what she was going to say to her mother, but she knew she wanted to talk to her.

"Hi, Bells," her mom said cheerfully.

"Mom…" Bella said, her voice cracking.

"Oh, baby…what's wrong?"

To Bella's amazement, the tears began again, and it took her several moments before she could speak again. "It's Edward, Mom."

"What happened?"

"We had a fight. Well, it wasn't really a fight, but it's done. We're…over." The words sounded so final to Bella's ears, it was actually painful to say them. It was as if they drove home the point that all her tears couldn't. She and Edward were no longer. "Can I come home?" she asked meekly.

"Oh, sweetheart, of course you can come home. You don't have to ask," her mother said soothingly.

"But it's short notice, and it's going to cost a lot, and I don't have the money," Bella said quickly, her voice panicky.

"Bella, it's fine. Your grandma and I have some money set aside. We'll get you a ticket. Now, when are you done with school?"

The two of them made arrangements for Bella to leave on the last day of classes, and Bella began to feel much better, until her mother mentioned Edward again. "Tell me what happened, Bell."

Bella sighed. She didn't even know where to begin. She had told her mother that she and Edward were together again after she'd found out about Jane, but her mom had no idea about Jane waking up. "Can we just talk about it when I get there? I don't really want to get into it over the phone. I'm sorry."

"All right, honey. Whatever you think is best. We'll talk about it in person then."

She knew her mother wouldn't forget about their conversation and that eventually she'd have to talk to her mother about the situation with Edward. Maybe by the time she got home, things wouldn't feel so fresh and raw, and she'd be able to look at things more objectively.

Feeling guilty for kicking Alice out, she went to look for her. She found her in the lounge area watching TV with several other students. Alice looked up and smiled when Bella entered and motioned for her to sit next to her. Bella did, and Alice patted her knee. Bella sighed and rested her head on Alice's shoulder. Even though the two weren't the closest of friends, there was something comforting about Alice's presence, and Bella appreciated having her in her life. It wasn't long before Bella drifted off to sleep next to Alice, the soft drone of the television background noise in her odd dreams. She was startled awake when Alice shook her gently as she stood.

"It's late. Let's go to bed," she whispered.

The next morning Bella awoke, and for a split second, she was sure the night before had been a nightmare. But then reality came crashing down on her, and she whimpered and rolled over in bed, unwilling to face the day. But eventually she did. She crawled out of bed and went to class and did her best to lose herself in her classes to forget about Edward. She pretty much had, until it was time for her to go in to Lucky's. The thought of working together with him hadn't crossed her mind, but she was almost positive he had a shift that night. What would she say? What would he say to her? Though she wouldn't admit it, even to herself, she was incredibly hurt that he hadn't followed her the night before. Part of her wanted him to argue with her, to fight for her, to try to prove to her that she was wrong. But he hadn't. That hurt almost more than anything else.

Bella decided she'd just have to go to work and make the best of a bad situation. And what a bad situation it turned out to be. By the end of the night, Bella couldn't remember a shift going by more slowly in her entire life. Her prediction had been correct—Edward had been working, and it seemed like he was everywhere she looked. The harder she tried to avoid him, the more he seemed to pop up. She went out of her way to stay away from areas of the restaurant she knew he frequented, but it didn't seem to matter. A couple of times, they'd made eye contact, and she'd thought that he gave her an oddly searching look, but she'd felt so flustered by his proximity that she'd fled as soon as possible. By the end of the night, she'd made up her mind.

She deliberately hung back until most everyone else, including Edward, had left. Peter was sitting in his office. She knocked lightly on his open door. "Hey, Bella. What's up?" he asked, smiling as he glanced up at her.

"I need to talk to you, Peter."

He raised one eyebrow as he turned away from his computer. "Sounds serious. Is everything okay?"

"Well, yes…no. Yes. I mean…Look, I'm going to go home for a while."

"Okay, so you need some time off? It's short notice, but I'll work something out. Are you going to be gone the entire break?"

"I'm not sure. I mean, I am, but I might be staying longer."

He furrowed his brow at her. "You're not coming back when the semester starts again?" Peter knew Bella well enough to know that wasn't like her.

Bella sighed. "Maybe. I'm not sure what my plans are right now. I just need to get away from here."

"Is this about Edward?" Peter asked bluntly.

"What? No," she lied and felt her face growing hot.

Peter smiled knowingly at her. "Bella. Go home for Christmas. See your family, take some time off. Relax. And then when you come back, come see me. We'll work this out. You can't quit. Hell, I'll fire Edward before I let you quit."

Bella shook her head, suddenly concerned for Edward's job. She couldn't let him lose his job over her. "No, Peter. I'm sorry. I just can't work here anymore. It doesn't have anything to do with Edward. I just need to take some time away from everything. Can you send my last check to my mom's house?" She grabbed a pencil from Peter's cluttered desk and scribbled the address on a piece of paper and thrust it at Peter. "Thanks for everything, Peter."

Peter called after her as she walked backward out the door, but she ignored him. She knew she wasn't being fair to him, but the thought of spending one more night dodging Edward was more than she could handle. She thought about the lie she'd told Peter. The more she thought about spending some time away from San Diego, the more she liked the idea. But could she really let what happened between her and Edward affect her school career? She didn't know the answer to that yet.

The next few days passed in a very disjointed fashion. There were times, like when she was busy with school or packing for her trip home, that time seemed to pass very quickly. But then there were times when she had nothing to do—all her studying was done—and time seemed to move so slow she would have sworn it was going backward.

Finally, the day of her departure arrived. She was packed and ready and, if she was being honest, excited about the prospect of seeing her mother and grandmother. She'd called a cab and was waiting for it in the lobby, suitcase in hand. The taxi arrived, and she greeted the driver before loading her luggage in the trunk and climbing in. As the cab pulled away from the curb, she scanned the parking lot and surrounding street absentmindedly.

The drive to the airport was uneventful, and when the driver pulled up to the terminal, she paid him and climbed out. She checked her bag at the curb and headed inside the airport. The terminal seemed more crowded than usual with the approaching holiday, and Bella scanned the crowd anxiously as she moved through the line at the security checkpoint.

"Waiting for someone, honey?" the security agent asked as she scanned Bella's boarding pass and looked over her ID.

"What? Oh, no. I'm not waiting for anyone. No one's coming." And as Bella said the words, she realized how true they were.

**A/N: Okay, I'm going to go hide now. Come find me on Twitter if you want to talk (or yell at me). I love you all! :-P**


	22. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-One

"That's great, Jane!" Edward said.

Jane was breathing heavily and sweat had beaded on her forehead, but the look of triumph on her face was unmistakable. She fixed her determined gaze on Edward, and he couldn't help the genuine smile that spread across his face. She really had come a long way in the past few days. "I'm walking!" she called excitedly.

"You sure are!" Edward exclaimed. "You're doing great!"

She took a couple more steps and closed the gap between them as she collapsed into his arms. He helped her to a nearby chair and then sat down next to her.

"That was amazing," he said. He glanced up as Jane's new trainer, Jacob, approached. It turned out that Jane and Demetri were unable to see eye-to-eye on Jane's course of treatment and therapy program, so Demetri had graciously introduced Jane to his fellow therapist, Jacob. So far, the two were getting along great.

"You're doing so well, Jane. I think we can start to talk about discharging you. Maybe even in time for Christmas," Jacob said, grinning down at her.

Edward's excitement turned to silent dread at the thought of Jane being released. What would she expect? He was fairly certain he knew the answer to that question. She'd been dropping not-so-subtle hints about her desire to intensify their physical relationship lately, and he could only imagine what she would be anticipating once she was cleared of any restrictions. The thought made his stomach churn in a very unpleasant way.

But Jane's excitement bubbled over. "Edward, did you hear? We'll be able to spend Christmas together!" She threw her arms around him, and he returned her embrace with a small smile.

Jacob smiled and squeezed Jane's shoulder. "I really am pleased with your progress, Jane," he said. Then he turned to Edward. "She's working really hard. You should be proud of her, too." For a split second, there was something in the other man's eyes, but before Edward could identify it, it was gone. Was it possible that this new therapist could see through Edward's half-hearted attempts at supporting Jane? He pushed the thought aside and stood.

"I better go. I promised my mom I'd stop by. I'll come back tonight, okay?" he said.

Jane smiled up at him. "Okay, I'm going to keep working."

Edward raised his eyebrows, surprised. This was certainly a change from the attitude she'd had just days before. As Edward walked slowly through the hallway and out to his car, he thought about what else had changed in the course of the last week. He did everything he could not to think about her, not to say her name, even in his own mind, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

Bella. She was gone. She'd walked out of his life a few nights ago, and he'd been unable to stop her. If he let himself think about it for too long, his hands began to shake uncontrollably, and the grief that he worked so hard to keep at bay would threaten to destroy him.

He unlocked his car and checked his watch. He had promised his mother he'd stop by. But in that moment, the thought of seeing her and her insincere sympathy was completely unappealing. But the thought of Jane's impending freedom had fueled his need to put some distance between them, so he'd fled. And now he found he had a little extra time, a rare luxury and something he tried not to give himself very often. He climbed into the front seat and closed his eyes as he remembered back to the night Bella had left. She'd been so sure of herself, so positive of her decision to leave him without a backward glance, and he'd let her go. He'd berated himself a million times since then for not stopping her, but what alternative did he have? He had no argument for any of the points she made. He didn't deserve her, and he'd asked for too much already. So he'd let her walk out of his life.

Then there was that awful shift at work the next evening. At least a dozen times over the course of the evening, he'd worked up the courage to say something to her, but each time he looked at her and found her desperately trying to be anywhere else and avoiding his eyes, he found he just couldn't bring himself to talk to her. What was he supposed to say? Nothing had changed. She'd been very clear about not putting up with all of his baggage anymore.

And even though he was sure she didn't want to see him again, he'd still found himself trudging up the stairs to her dorm room a few days later. He'd knocked nervously on her door and stood in limbo waiting for her to answer, caught between the desire to see her and the overwhelming urge to flee. It turned out not to matter. Alice answered and coldly told him that she'd gone home for winter break. Discouraged, he climbed back down the stairs and drove home. Had she been planning a trip home before? If things had gone differently that fateful night, would he have been with her? Meeting her mom and spending a cozy family Christmas with her? The thought was so painful it was almost unbearable.

Then came the news that she'd quit Lucky's. It was difficult to ignore the icy stare Peter gave him as he delivered the news. They both knew it was because of Edward that she'd left. Peter said he wasn't even sure whether Bella was coming back to San Diego, but Edward had no doubt she'd return. She was far too smart and determined to let him drive her away from the school that she loved. But that knowledge did nothing to lessen his guilt. It was bad enough that he'd driven her away from the job she'd done so well at and depended on to make her living.

Edward sighed. He couldn't help himself. He'd opened the flood gates of his mind and allowed her in, and now he couldn't get her out of his head. He picked up his phone and dialed her number. It wasn't the first time since their fallout that he'd called her, and just like all of the other times, the line rang hollowly. He was about to hang up before her voicemail could pick up, when the call connected.

"Hello?"

He was too stunned to speak for a moment.

"Edward?" Her voice was like a balm for the aching wound where his heart used to be.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Hi, Edward." She sounded sad.

"How are you?" he asked, suddenly unsure of what to say. He'd never really expected her to answer. Now that she had, his mind had gone completely blank.

"I'm okay," she said, and he wished he could see her face.

"I heard you'd gone home for the holidays. How's your family?" he asked, desperate for something to say to her, some way to keep her on the line.

"They're good, thanks for asking. It's great to see my mom and grandma."

There was silence for a moment as they both searched for something to say.

"So, how's Jane?" Bella asked.

"She's doing well. She's working really hard," Edward said.

Bella sighed. "Edward, it's great to talk to you, but I can't do this." She paused, but Edward remained silent so she continued. "Has anything changed?" Her voice was harder than it had been the moment before, and Edward felt his mouth go dry.

"No," he said sadly.

"Okay then. Well, I hope that you have a great Christmas."

Tears filled his eyes. "You too, Bella." He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to tell her that things had changed, but he just couldn't do it. There was a girl inside the rehab center behind him working hard every day to get the life back he'd almost taken from her, and he couldn't change that. No matter how much he wanted to tell Bella things would be different, he knew they wouldn't.

She was gone, and he threw the phone onto the passenger's seat as he started the engine. He pointed his car toward home, barely thinking about the road as he drove. He'd made the trip so many times at that point, it was almost as if his car knew the way without his help. He arrived home and, once inside, collapsed on the couch. He must have dozed off for a little while, because when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket, the light coming through his window looked different. His heart leapt as he scrambled to retrieve his phone. Disappointment flooded him as he saw the number.

"Hi, Mom," he said, doing a poor job of hiding the dejection in his voice.

"Hi, sweetie. Are you not feeling well?" she asked.

"No," he said through a yawn. "I feel fine. I guess…" There had never been a bigger lie told. He didn't feel fine, but there was nothing physically wrong with him, which was what his mother meant. "I was just taking a nap. What time is it?"

"It's just after five. Did you work today?" she asked.

"No, it's my day off. I was just going to go see Jane."

"How is she doing?" Edward's mother had visited once during Jane's recovery. As wary as she was of Bella, she disliked Jane even more.

"She's doing well. She's working really hard. Her therapist thinks she can come home by Christmas."

"That's less than a week away," Esme said in surprise.

"I know," Edward said dismally.

"Have you spoken to Bella?" Her voice was little more than a whisper.

"Yes," Edward said simply. He didn't want to have this conversation with his mother again. "I called her. I told you, she's gone home."

"I see."

Edward knew she had more she wanted to say on the subject, but she'd obviously realized she was wasting her breath.

"Bella and I are through." The words were painful in their finality, but after their conversation earlier, Edward knew they were true. "I don't want to talk about Bella anymore. I need to focus on helping Jane get better."

Esme sighed delicately. "Oh, Edward…"

"I know, Mom. I know everything you're going to say!" He was practically shouting into the phone, and he knew his mother didn't deserve that, but he couldn't help it. It was as if all the bottled-up despair and anger he felt about his situation just came bubbling to the surface. "I know that you think I should forget about Jane, but I can't! I can't, Mom. Everything that's happened to her is my fault. She has to work every day just to try and walk again, and that's my fault! I did that to her. How can I just leave her? Of course I want to be with Bella, but I can't. I gave up the right to have what I want when I did that to Jane. Don't you understand?"

By the time he finished speaking, he was panting and there was a fine sheen of sweat on his forehead. He swiped angrily at it and sighed in frustration. He regretted his outburst immediately. His mother, for all her faults, didn't deserve to be his punching bag.

"Oh, sweetheart. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"I have to go, Mom. I promised Jane I'd be back before dinnertime."

They hung up, and Edward stood. He stormed around his apartment, unfocused and unsure of exactly what he was doing as he slammed doors and cupboards. Finally, he managed to get out the door. As he drove back to Jane's rehab facility, he struggled to calm himself. He didn't want to show up upset and ruffled. The words that he'd spoken to his mother unhinged him, and he didn't want to believe them. He thought back to his conversation with Bella. Her voice had sounded so unlike her, so cold and distant. He could only imagine that she sounded that way because she was trying to mask the pain she felt, pain that he'd caused. Self-loathing filled him once more. It seemed like wherever he went, whatever he did, he couldn't avoid hurting others.

He pushed his thoughts aside as he knocked lightly on Jane's open door. He found her sitting up in bed, eyes on the television, a set of free weights in each hand. At the sound of his knock, she looked up.

"Edward!" she cried, grinning as she set the weights down on the bed.

"Hey there," he said with a smile. When he reached her, he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and moved the weights to the table so he could sit next to her. "How was your day?"

She shrugged. "It was good. I'm tired though. Jacob and I worked extra hard. I walked really far!" She was so excited, and he felt genuinely happy for her.

"What are you watching?" he asked as he scooted backward and she moved closer to him.

"I don't know. Some stupid show. You can change it."

"No, it's fine. I don't care what we watch. Did you eat?" He couldn't see a dinner tray anywhere.

"Yes. It wasn't very good though. I can't wait until I can get out of here and we can have real food," she said, yawning as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

Edward remained silent, but Jane didn't seem to notice. After a moment, he said, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Jane shook her head and nuzzled deeper into his shoulder. "No, I'm tired. Can we just relax here?"

"Sure."

They were silent after that, the only sound the tinny laughter from the television and the ever-present hospital sounds coming from the hallway. Soon, Edward noticed that Jane's breathing had slowed to the steady rhythm of someone enjoying a peaceful sleep. He envied her and then immediately felt guilty for it. How could he envy someone in her position, especially when it was because of him that she was there in the first place?

He sighed and stared at the ceiling, completely losing the tenuous thread he'd held on the plot of whatever show was blaring from the television. He thought about the small girl whose head was pressed into his shoulder, her arm draped across his chest as she slept peacefully.

Was this so bad? He thought back to before the accident and what had attracted him to Jane in the first place. She was a friend of a friend, and they'd met at some party that he couldn't quite remember. If he was being honest, they hadn't been that close. Most of their relationship had been spent getting drunk and partying with their friends.

But he'd changed since the accident. He was trying to be a better person, maybe it was possible that Jane had changed too. This was his life now, and he told himself that he could be happy with this life. Maybe the most he deserved to hope for was to be forgiven and loved by Jane.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think. 3**


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: So, I don't normally do this, but I wanted to address some of the comments and concerns I've been getting regarding this story. A lot of people seem to be upset that Edward is still feeling so much guilt over what happened with Jane. **

**First of all, a major component of this story is the guilt that Edward feels for his role in Jane's issues. It is a major motivating factor that drives his actions and sometimes clouds his judgement. It's not just going to go away. He's far from perfect, and both he and Bella make a lot of mistakes as they go. **

**Second, this story is very angsty. It's clearly labeled, and I've never tried to pretend it was anything else. **

**Next, this IS an Edward/Bella story. However, since its an angsty story, their path to happiness is fraught with obstacles. I've never claimed that the road would not be bumpy, and I don't appreciate readers insinuating that I've been misleading about the direction this story was going, or that I've somehow lost my way as an author. **

** Lastly, it seems like some people would like me to guarantee a happy ending for our two main characters. I don't understand this. When you read a published story, does the author always promise everything will be all roses and sunshine? No. To me, the journey that you take with the characters is the best part of reading. If you already know the outcome, what's the point of the journey? **

**In summary, I hope that you'll continue to take this trip with me and the characters we both love, however, please know that it's going to be a bumpy ride and everyone is in for some pain and heartbreak. That's the story I set out to write, and that's the story I'm sticking to. I haven't gotten lost along the way, or gotten confused. I'm taking my story where I want it to go. I hope you'll come with me. **

**Thank you, and sorry for the annoyingly long author's note.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Bella!"

She heard her mother's shrill voice over the din of the crowd and smiled, tears filling her eyes despite her best efforts to remain stoic. She walked more quickly, hitching her bag over her shoulder and scanning the crowd.

"Mom!" she cried as she ran the last few steps. If her mother's voice sounded like home, it was nothing compared to her mom's arms around her. She couldn't help it. Tears streamed down her cheeks and soaked her jacket as she buried her face in Renee's shoulder. It was as if all the emotions she'd been trying so hard to keep at bay would no longer be contained. She knew at once she'd made the right choice to come home.

"Oh, baby, I'm so glad to see you," her mom said, smiling until she saw Bella's already puffy and tear-stained face. "Oh, sweetheart." She held Bella's face in her hands and kissed her on the nose.

They stood like that for a while. Neither of them were concerned that they were in the middle of a crowded airport. The only thing that mattered was that a mother was holding her daughter, and the daughter was home safe once more.

It wasn't until they'd retrieved Bella's luggage and were sitting in the car waiting in line to leave the parking garage that her mother turned to her. "It's because of him, isn't it." It wasn't a question.

Bella nodded, her eyes fixed outside the window. She knew they needed to have this conversation but was dreading it nonetheless.

"I just couldn't do it anymore, Mom," she said quietly.

Bella's mom nodded as if she completely understood and agreed with what Bella was saying, and Bella loved her even more for that. For all her faults and the hundred little things she did that drove her crazy, she was still the best mom Bella could have asked for.

"Jane woke up," she said simply.

Her mother was silent for a moment, then said, "Wow."

Bella nodded. "Yeah, wow." There was silence for a while, and Bella knew her mother would let her take her time getting her feelings out. After a moment, she continued. "I feel like a horrible person, because someone waking up from a coma should be a wonderful thing. But it's not. It's the worst thing that could have happened to me."

"I don't think anyone who knows the situation you're in could blame you for feeling that way, honey." She reached out and patted Bella's hand. "So, did Edward tell you that he still has feelings for Jane, then?"

Bella shook her head. "No, he doesn't love Jane. He says he doesn't, and I believe him. It's not that."

Her mother waited patiently.

"But it doesn't matter if he loves her. He still feels like he needs to do the right thing by her. He's always going to be tied to her. He'll never be through with her, and I can't compete with that."

Renee sighed, and then it was their turn to pay and leave the airport. On the drive home, Bella's mom made a very obvious effort to steer the conversation away from Edward, and Bella didn't object. They discussed her mother's work at the hospital, Bella's school, Bella's grandmother—anything except Edward—and Bella was grateful.

They arrived at the house, and Bella carried her bag inside. She paused as a wave of emotion washed over her. She hadn't realized how homesick she'd been until she was standing in the kitchen she grew up in. She looked around. Nothing had changed, from the oversized spoon and fork that hung on the wall, to the tall green fridge that whirred comfortingly in the corner. Her entire life, her mother had hung Bella's various achievements on that fridge. Bella ran her fingers over the familiar magnets and smiled. There was something so comforting about this kitchen.

"Is that my Isabella?"

Bella smiled as she heard her grandmother's voice. "Hi Granny!" she cried. She received a little bit of a shock when she turned around. Her already frail grandmother seemed even smaller and more fragile as she leaned heavily on her cane.

"Come here, sugar," her grandmother said, and Bella hugged her gingerly. "Oh, stop acting like I'm made of glass. I used to haul you around by your ear, girl!"

Bella smiled at the old woman's familiar griping. "I've missed you, Grandma."

Her grandmother pulled back and studied Bella's face closely. "What's wrong with you?" she demanded.

Bella began to protest, but before she could, her mother entered the kitchen behind her. "Oh, Mother. Leave the poor girl alone. She's been here five minutes and you're already grilling her?"

Bella's grandmother waved her hand dismissively at her daughter, but instead of returning her attention to Bella, she turned and sat in one of the four chairs around the small wooden table. Bella shot her mother a grateful look, and Renee smiled at her.

"I'm going to take my things upstairs and unpack. Then I'll come help with dinner," Bella said, pushing her bag further up on her shoulder.

Her mother shook her head. "You're not helping with anything. This is your welcome home dinner, and you're the guest of honor."

Bella smiled, touched that her mother would put that much effort into her homecoming.

She had thought the kitchen held a lot of memories for her, but it was nothing compared to the wave of nostalgia that hit her when she walked into her old bedroom. It had been almost a year since she'd been in that room, but as she looked around, memories flooded her as if it were only yesterday that she'd called this room her own. Her mother hadn't changed anything since she'd left. There was still the same purple bedspread covering her twin bed, and all of the books she hadn't had room to take with her to college sat on her shelf, a thin layer of dust covering them. Even the posters she'd lovingly hung on the walls were still in place, only slightly curled around the edges as they began to age. Her room even smelled the same.

She sighed and opened her bag. Slowly, she filled her old dresser with the clothes she'd packed, and when she was done, she sat cross-legged on her bed and looked around wistfully. She sighed again and fished her phone out of her bag. She'd forgotten to turn it back on after her plane ride.

When the phone flickered back to life, it revealed three voicemails. The first one was from her mother and must have been sent before she'd boarded her plane. She told Bella to have a good flight, to be safe, and then reassured her that she'd be waiting when she landed. Bella smiled as she deleted it. The next one was from Alice. She wanted to know how her trip was going and asked her to call when she landed. Bella made a note to call her before too much time had passed and pressed delete.

She furrowed her brow as the last message began to play. There was silence, but Bella thought she could hear someone breathing softly before the call was disconnected. She played it again, listening for any background noise that might provide a clue to the caller's identity. But as Bella listened to the silence for the third time, she realized she knew who the message was from, and her stomach flipped a little. She pursed her lips and wondered why he hadn't left a message, but then she realized she probably knew that, too. He had nothing to say to her. They'd each made their decisions. He'd decided he couldn't let Jane go, and she'd decided she couldn't share him. The thought made her sad, and she tossed her phone onto her bed and stood abruptly.

Despite her mother's protests, Bella ended up helping with dinner preparations. She finally convinced her mother by insisting that she needed to keep her hands busy. Her mother had seen the look in her eyes and relented, all while her grandmother watched silently from her chair at the table.

Her first night in her old bed was a sleepless one. When she did manage to slip into a restless slumber, her dreams were disjointed and weird. In the morning, she awoke exhausted and confused. The house was quiet. Her mother had gone to work and dropped her grandma off at the local senior center on her way. Bella wasn't crazy about the idea of having the house all to herself for an entire day.

Not in the mood for breakfast food, she rummaged around the refrigerator until she found the leftovers from dinner. She made herself a plate and popped it in the microwave. As the microwave dinged, she heard her phone ringing in the distance. She sprinted back to her bedroom and threw the sheets aside trying to find it. Her heart leapt as she looked at the caller ID.

"Hello?" she said, her heart pounding. There was silence on the other end, and she wondered if he had accidently called and wasn't really there. "Edward?" Her hand shook as it held her phone.

"Bella," he whispered. He was there. He had meant to call her. The thought filled her with all kinds of confusing emotions.

"Hi, Edward," she said, the effort to keep her voice even immense.

"How are you?" he asked, and she couldn't help but smile. Hearing his voice was somehow soothing, even after all that had happened.

"I'm okay."

"I heard you'd gone home for the holidays. How's your family?"

"They're good, thanks for asking. It's great to see my mom and grandma. So, how's Jane?" Bella asked, hating how forced their conversation felt.

"She's doing well. She's working really hard," Edward said, and Bella could hear the pride in his voice. It was too much.

She sighed, hating herself for what she was about to say. "Edward, it's great to talk to you, but I can't do this." She paused, but he said nothing. "Has anything changed?" she asked, working to keep her voice even and the tears she felt at bay.

"No," he whispered.

Impossibly, it felt as if her heart had shattered again. She didn't want to admit it, but she'd been hoping he'd been calling to tell her that it was over with Jane and he wanted her back. She felt a sob in the back of her throat, and the truth tasted bitter in her mouth.

"Okay, then," she said, taking a deep breath. "Well, I hope that you have a great Christmas." Silently, she begged him to say something, anything that would indicate he wanted her back. She knew now that all he'd have to do was offer her the smallest glimmer of hope that they could be together without Jane, and she would be his again.

"You too, Bella."

She pushed the button to end the call before she lost her nerve and begged him to take her back. She wanted to call him back, to tell him that she'd been wrong, and that having a fraction of him was better than nothing, even if it meant she had to share him with Jane. But she didn't. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she deserved better, and she reached back into that place and pulled out what felt like the last reserves of her strength. She loved Edward so much it hurt, but she didn't want him like this. Not if having him meant they'd never be free of Jane. She knew Edward well enough to know that he'd feel guilt over Jane and the accident for as long as Jane let him. And it didn't seem like she had any intention of letting Edward off the hook anytime soon.

Bella stood and ran her hand through her hair, trying to free some of the tangles from it, as she stared at her closet. She hadn't brought much, so choosing something to wear was easy. She decided against a shower and dressed quickly as she remembered her forgotten breakfast still sitting in the microwave.

As she sat down at the table to eat, a note from her mom caught her eye. She'd missed it the first time she'd been in the kitchen. She scanned it quickly and learned that her mother wanted her to go to the grocery store. She'd left Bella the keys to her grandmother's car since her grandmother didn't drive much anymore. Bella sighed. At least it would give her something to do.

She'd driven her grandmother's car before but had forgotten how temperamental it could be. She was about three blocks from the store when the engine died, and she had to coast to the side of the road. She cursed loudly and fished her phone out of her bag. The receptionist in the operating room told her that her mom was in surgery and wouldn't be out for another hour. Bella thanked her and hung up.

Unsure of what else to do, Bella popped the hood and got out of the car. She leaned over the engine and peered skeptically at the ancient car's many foreign-looking parts. She was completely lost as to what she was looking at. Nothing jumped out at her as a glaringly obvious problem, so she sighed and brushed her hands against her pants. She was debating whether she should walk to the grocery store or wait by the car when she heard a voice.

"Do you need help?"

Bella's head shot up. A tall man was climbing out of the truck he'd parked behind her car. She sighed gratefully. "Thanks for stopping. I don't know what happened. It just died."

"Let me take a look," he said, moving around her and appearing a great deal more comfortable under the hood than she had. After a moment he said, "Here's your problem. See this cable?" He pointed, and Bella nodded even though she couldn't really see what he was indicating. "It's slipped out of place. There you go. Try and start it now."

Bella climbed behind the wheel again and turned the key. The car roared to life, and she smiled as she climbed out again. "Thanks so much! I don't know anything about cars."

"It's no problem," he said, smiling down at her. "Hey, don't I know you?"

She looked at him properly for the first time. "I'm not sure. You do look familiar."

"Bella, right?" he asked.

Surprised, Bella nodded.

"I thought so. We went to high school together. You don't remember? I'm James. James Gordon. I'm sure we had a couple of classes together."

Bella studied him, and suddenly his long blond hair did look rather familiar. She smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry. Of course, I remember you. How are you, James?"

He smiled, pleased. "I'm good." He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against her grandmother's car. "Just working. What about you? I thought you'd gone away to school."

Bella nodded. "I did. I'm just home for the holidays."

"Where are you going to school again?" he asked as if this was information he should have remembered.

"San Diego."

"Nice. I need to get myself in school. There's nothing going on in this town." He grinned and shrugged.

"School is good," Bella said lamely, unable to think of what else to say.

James chuckled. "Yeah. Hey, listen. Are you going to be in town for a while? Could I call you?"

Bella opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, then heard herself saying, "Sure."

He grinned, and she scribbled her number down for him. He thanked her and jogged back to his truck, waving before he drove away. Slightly dazed, Bella pulled out onto the street and continued on to the grocery store.

As she shopped for the things on the list her mother had left, she tried to figure out why she'd agreed to let him call her. Was it just because she'd panicked and hadn't known how to refuse politely after he'd so kindly come to her rescue on the side of the road? She told herself that maybe he wouldn't even call. Maybe he'd just been being polite. She pushed thoughts of James aside and finished her shopping. She had just returned home and was putting the groceries away when her phone rang. It was her mother.

"Hi, baby. Erica said you'd called."

"Yeah, I did. Grandma's car died on me on the way to the store. But it's okay. I got it working again."

"Oh no, that stupid car is such a pain. I'm sorry, sweetie. How did you fix it?" her mother asked.

"I didn't. Someone stopped and helped me. Someone I knew from high school, actually."

"Oh yeah? That's nice. Who was it?"

"James Gordon. I don't know if you'd even know who he is."

"Isabella Marie, are you kidding me?"

"What?" Bella asked, confused by her mother's reaction.

"James' mother is a good friend. Of course I know who he is. That was very sweet of him to help you. He knows a lot about cars. He works in his brother's garage on the other side of town."

Was it possible that Bella had been that oblivious in high school? Even her mother paid better attention to the people she went to school with than she did.

"Yeah, he's a nice guy."

"Bella…" her mother said, her voice growing low and slightly amused. "James has had a crush on you for years. I can't believe you never noticed."

Great. So much for him not really wanting to call her. "Mom, I don't have time for any of that. I need to go if I'm going to have dinner started before you get home. Do I need to go pick up Gran?"

They hung up, and Bella busied herself with preparing dinner. By the time dinner was ready and waiting in the oven and Bella had returned from picking up her grandmother from the senior center, she'd forgotten all about James. She cracked open the oven to check on her casserole's progress and was wiping her hands on a dishtowel when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number on the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella, it's James."

Bella gulped nervously. "Hey, James…"

**A/N: Thanks for reading! You can follow me on Twitter if you'd like.**

**I'd seem very ungrateful if I didn't mention my two amazing betas Twimarti and mcc101180 for all of their help in making my story better. **

**Also, I'm very lucky to have some great fandom friends who have given me a lot of love and support lately. Many thanks and squishy hugs to Lellabeth and Quinnlark. They both write amazing stories that you should be reading! ;) **

**I've also received a lot of very kind PMs from readers telling me how much they're enjoying the story, and that has made me feel fantastic! Thanks so much!**


	24. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Hey, James," Bella said, trying to keep her voice casual as panic welled inside her.

"So, I know I'm probably crazy for calling already, but I was just thinking that you're only going to be in town for a little while, and I'd really like to see you again," he said, and Bella thought his voice sounded nervous. The thought of someone being nervous to talk to her was sort of endearing. "I'm sure you've probably got a lot going on with Christmas being so close, but do you think we could go out while you're here?"

Bella smiled. "That sounds fun," she said. It really didn't sound fun, but what else was she going to do while she was in town? The thought of spending her entire vacation cooped up at home was more than she could bear.

They agreed to go out the next evening, and Bella hung up the phone with mixed emotions about her impending date with James. There was no reason she couldn't go out with him as a friend and enjoy herself. She reminded herself that Edward had made his choice; she had no ties to him.

She spent the next day helping her mother decorate the house for Christmas. Renee had purposely put it off until Bella arrived, and Bella was glad that she had.

"Oh, look, Mom!" she exclaimed over and over again as she pulled ornaments out of dusty boxes. "Remember when I made this?" or "This one was Dad's favorite ornament, wasn't it?" The two shared many fond memories, and by the time the afternoon sun shone through the front window, the house had been transformed into a winter wonderland.

"Well, I better go shower," Bella said as she checked her watch. "James will be here in an hour."

Her mother smiled. "I'm glad you agreed to go out with him, Bella. I think it'll do you good to get out. Maybe it'll help you get a fresh perspective about this whole thing with Edward."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I don't need a fresh perspective about Edward. There is no thing with Edward anymore. He's made his choice."

She might have fooled her mother, but she couldn't pretend to herself that she didn't think about him almost constantly. She wondered what he was doing at any given moment, and she had to stop herself from picking up her phone and calling him at least a dozen times a day.

When James rang the doorbell an hour later, Bella was once again glad for the opportunity to get out of the house and out of her own head for a little while.

"You look great, Bella," he said, smiling as they walked to his truck. His long blond hair had been pulled back into a low ponytail, and he was dressed in jeans and cowboy boots. She caught a whiff of his cologne as she climbed into his truck, and Bella had to admit the smell wasn't altogether unpleasant.

"So, I thought we could go eat," James said. "If that's okay with you."

Bella nodded. "That sounds great. But um, James? I need to make sure we're clear on something, okay?" She felt like it would be better to get this out of the way up front. "We're just going out as friends, right? I mean, I'm not looking for anything else. I actually just got out of a pretty serious relationship, and I'm not ready for anything more than friendship right now, okay?" Her words came in a rush, and when she was finished, she chanced a peek at him. He nodded.

"Yeah, of course. That's fine. I mean, you don't even live here anymore, so it's not like anything can happen. No problem." He smiled at her and started his truck.

Feeling better, Bella began to relax a little. James drove them to a diner that she'd been to many times before. The food was cheap and greasy, but good.

"So, do you ever see anyone else from high school?" James asked as their food arrived.

Bella shook her head as she unwrapped her napkin. "No, I wasn't really very close with anyone." She shrugged. "How about you?"

James nodded as he chewed on a French fry. "Yeah, I see a few of the guys still. The ones that didn't go away to college."

Bella nodded and took a bite of her burger. When she had swallowed, she said, "So, I hear that you work at the garage down on Oak Street? Do you like that?"

He shrugged and made a face. "It's all right. It's my brother's garage, so it kind of sucks having him as a boss, but whatever."

Bella nodded, and they were silent for a moment.

"But I really want to go to school," he blurted suddenly.

Bella raised her eyebrows. "You do?" She wasn't sure why this was surprising to her, except that from what she remembered of James from high school, he never really seemed like the studious type.

"Yeah, I screwed around in high school though, so I don't know if I can now. Plus, I'm not smart like you," he said, grinning at her.

Bella rolled her eyes. "It's never too late though…" She faded off as she thought of Edward and his tenacity. He was attending school and wouldn't even get credit for it, but he did it because he knew it was where he needed to be.

James didn't seem to notice her temporary lapse of attention. "Yeah, I guess. I just need to get the hell out of here though. This town is a go-nowhere town, you know?"

Bella couldn't argue with him there. She'd been anxious to get out on her own once she'd finished high school. She couldn't help but feel a little sorry for people like James whose academics didn't give them the out that she had.

"I've applied to a few places though," he said proudly.

"That's great!" Bella replied, smiling.

"Yeah, I haven't heard anything yet though."

"It takes a while sometimes," Bella said. "Don't get discouraged."

"Well, as soon as I hear something, I'm out of here. I've been saving up money for some time now, and my brother said he'd give me a good reference."

"That's awesome, James. I'm sure you'll hear something soon."

They chatted about people they both had known in high school, and Bella was surprised at how many people she remembered once James jogged her memory. He paid the bill, and Bella thanked him.

"Do you need to get home? I was thinking we could go see a movie," he suggested as they walked out of the restaurant.

Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a movie. "Yeah, that sounds nice. I'd like that."

They drove to their town's only theater, and James paid for their tickets to some show Bella had never heard of. The theater wasn't crowded, so they easily found two seats together. As they waited for the movie to start, Bella shivered slightly, wishing she had remembered her jacket.

"Are you cold?" James asked.

"A little. I'm okay though."

"Here," he said as he slid his jacket off and helped her slip it over her shoulders.

"Thanks," Bella said, slightly embarrassed. She leaned back into the jacket and smiled. It was warm and smelled like a mixture of the cologne she'd noticed earlier and what she imagined the garage he worked in smelled like. Somehow, the combination was pleasant.

The movie started, and Bella lost herself in the flickering images that filled her vision. It was an action thriller with a completely implausible plotline, but Bella enjoyed it anyway. When it was over, she blinked as the lights came back up. James smiled at her.

"What did you think?"

"I liked it, actually."

He laughed. "I'm glad."

They walked back to his car together, and it wasn't until he'd pulled up in front of her mother's house that she realized she was still wearing his jacket.

"Sorry!" She laughed embarrassedly as she slouched out of it and handed it back to him.

"No, it's fine. You could have kept it," James said, shrugging and taking it from her reluctantly.

"Thanks for everything, James. I had a really nice time," she said, and she meant it. She realized she hadn't thought about Edward nearly as much as she would have had she just sat at home. But with that realization, he came charging back into her mind and she sighed.

James nodded as he pushed his door open. Bella didn't wait for him to come around to her side. By the time he made it to her door, she was waiting for him on the curb. He walked her to the door, something Bella found both endearing and slightly annoying as well.

At the door, she turned to look at him. "Well, thanks again. Hopefully I'll see you again before I head back to school."

He nodded. "I'd like that a lot." He smiled, and suddenly his expression shifted a little. Bella knew what was coming before he even began to move toward her, lips slightly parted as he gazed down at her.

"James, I…thank you, I'm flattered, but I'm really not looking for anything more than friendship right now…I can't…" She looked at him, eyes pleading for him to understand and not be angry by her rejection.

He grinned and ran a hand over his face. "Can't blame a guy for trying, can you?"

Bella laughed, and James stuck out his hand. "Thanks for a great evening, Bella."

She shook his hand and grinned back at him. "Thank you."

Her mother was sitting in the living room reading when she walked in.

"Well, it looks like someone had a good time," she said, pulling off her reading glasses to look at Bella.

Bella sighed and nodded. "James is a really nice guy. I had fun." She rolled her eyes at the look her mother was giving her. "We're just friends, Mom."

Renee held up her hands as if in surrender. "Okay, okay. Whatever you say, sweetie."

Bella plopped down on the couch and flicked the television on with the remote. "He wants to go to school now."

Her mom had returned to her reading. Without looking up, she said, "I know. His mom told me. He's applied to colleges all over the country. He's pretty smart, you know."

Bella nodded as she absentmindedly flipped through the channels. "I hope he gets in somewhere," she mumbled. After a moment, her exhaustion began to hit her. "I think I'll go to bed." She yawned as she flicked the television off and stood.

"Okay, sweetie. Goodnight."

She climbed the stairs slowly, smiling as she passed her grandmother's room and heard loud snoring from behind the closed door. She washed her face and pulled an old pair of sweats out from the dresser drawer where she'd shoved her clothes when she'd first arrived. As she did, a lump fell to the floor. Puzzled, she bent to pick it up. Her heart dropped when she realized what it was. It was one of Edward's t-shirts that she had always worn to bed when they were together. She hadn't meant to pack it. It must have been tangled in the sweat pants that now dangled forgotten from her hand. Without thinking, she brought the shirt to her nose and inhaled deeply. Tears filled her eyes as his scent washed over her.

She knew she should have thrown the shirt back into the bottom of her suitcase, or even better, thrown it away, but instead she pulled it over her head. She sighed, feeling both better and worse at the same time, and climbed into bed. His scent seemed to swirl around her, and suddenly she knew she had to talk to him.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed her phone and dialed his number. It wasn't until the phone had rung twice that she realized that it was sort of late.

"Hello?" he said, but his voice didn't sound sleepy.

"Edward?"

"Hi." Why was he whispering? Suddenly, Bella felt foolish.

"Um, I just wanted to…talk to you."

"Are you okay?" he asked, and he was definitely trying to speak quietly.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."

"No, no. It's fine. You just sound upset."

"Why are you whispering?" she asked. "Where are you?" She realized as the words left her mouth that she no longer had the right to ask him that. But he answered anyway.

"I'm at home. I just…"

Bella felt sick to her stomach, and she knew before he even said the words.

"Jane's here. She got released yesterday, and she's here." His voice sounded defeated, and when she didn't answer for a moment, he said, "Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Okay, sorry to bother you. I'll let you go."

"No, Bella, I want to—" But she hung up. Anger and jealousy and sadness ripped through her in equal parts. She tore the shirt over her head and tossed it across the room. It landed in a crumpled heap in the corner. The rational part of her brain told her that she shouldn't be surprised by the fact that Jane was there with Edward. Jane's connection to Edward was the entire reason Bella had left him. With her out of the way, why wouldn't Edward bring Jane home with him? She thought of Jane sitting on the couch with Edward, of him cooking for her, and doing all the things she herself had done only days before. Would Jane, or had she already, shared Edward's bed? The thought made Bella see red.

But then the rational part of her brain interceded again and reminded her once again that Jane was doing nothing wrong. She was just a girl who'd had some awful luck and whose luck was just now starting to turn around. Jane didn't even know Bella existed. She was just a girl who was finally with the boyfriend she loved. Was it her fault that Bella had allowed herself to be caught up in an impossible situation with a man who was never really hers to begin with? Bella knew it wasn't, and she sighed as her anger faded away. She couldn't even really be mad at Edward either. He was just a guy who was desperately trying to do the right thing for everyone, an unattainable goal.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! **


	25. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Four

As Bella sat by the fire watching her mother and grandmother opening their presents from her, she was glad that she'd decided to come home for Christmas. The year before, she'd been way too caught up in being a brand new college student and had stayed on campus for the holidays. It was lonely, but she hadn't minded. She'd been able to get a ton of work done. This year, however, had been different. She'd fled home to escape her problems with Edward, and she was glad she had.

"They're beautiful, honey, thank you!" her mom exclaimed, holding up the silver earrings Bella had picked out. Her grandmother was equally as gracious about the scarf Bella had chosen for her. The gifts had cost her more than she could really afford to spend, but it was worth it to give the people she loved a small token of her appreciation for them.

"Here, open your present. It's from both of us," her mother said, tossing her a small, neatly wrapped box.

"Mom, my present was my plane ticket home. You weren't supposed to get me anything else!" Bella chided.

"Just open it," Renee insisted.

Bella sighed and tore the brightly colored paper off. She furrowed her brow when she slid the lid off the little box. Nestled inside was a set of keys she instantly recognized. She held them up, letting them dangle from her finger as she looked from her mom to her grandma.

"Grandma's keys?" she asked.

Her grandmother laughed. "Not just the keys, Bell. The whole car."

"You're giving me your car?" Bella blinked.

Her grandmother shrugged. "I don't drive it anymore—it just sits there, so you might as well take it so you don't have to walk everywhere. Then maybe you can drive home to see us more often."

Bella was stunned, but the two women just laughed at the look on her face.

"It's not like it's even that nice of a car, Bella," Renee said, laughing. "I'll be pleased if it makes it back to San Diego, honestly."

Bella laughed and rolled her eyes, but deep down, she knew how much something like this was costing her grandmother. It was a symbol of the freedom she was giving up in her old age, and Bella loved her for it. "Thank you," she whispered as she hugged them both tightly. "But what about my plane ticket?"

"I never got you a return ticket, honey. We've been planning on giving you the car for a while now."

Bella smiled and shook her head. She was completely stunned by the gesture. Although she didn't need to have a car to get around campus, it would definitely be nice to have one available to her. And she knew that, despite the hiccup she'd had with it the other day, and despite her mother's comment, the car was a good car. It had been well cared for its whole life and would serve her well.

They spent the rest of Christmas morning listening to holiday music on her grandmother's old record player as Bella and Renee moved around the kitchen making breakfast. At just after noon, there was a knock on the front door.

"I'll get it," Bella's mom said and disappeared down the hall. A moment later, she called, "Bella, there's someone here to see you."

Bella peeked around the corner, listening to see if she could tell who it was, but the muffled voices she'd heard only moments ago were silent now. She padded down the hall toward the front door, her socks noiseless on the carpet. She reached the entryway by the front door and rounded the corner into the living room, and there sitting on the couch with her mother was James.

Bella was suddenly very aware of the oversized sweats she wore and the way her messy hair hung down her back. Embarrassed, she folded her arms across her chest. "James, what are you doing here?" she asked, smiling in spite of herself.

"Hi, Bella. Merry Christmas. I'm sorry to stop by unannounced. I just wanted to bring you something."

She realized he was holding a rather large box in his lap. As she watched, he held it out to her. She felt a blush spread across her cheeks as she realized she hadn't thought to get him anything. "You didn't have to do that," she mumbled, taking a step toward him.

He shrugged. "It's nothing, really."

She slid the ribbon off of the box, and as she unfolded the paper, she smiled. "My mother must have told you what her gift was."

James grinned and nodded. In her hand, Bella held an emergency car kit. It had everything she could ever think of needing while driving—from road flares to jumper cables. "That's really sweet of you, James. You shouldn't have."

Again, James shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "I didn't want you to get stuck on the side of the road again, especially not when you go back to California."

Bella nodded and set the box under the tree. "I'm not sure I know how to use all this stuff, but I'm sure it'll come in handy. Would you like to stay for breakfast?" she asked as she glanced at her mother who was furiously pantomiming eating behind James' back.

"I'd hate to impose," James said as he stood.

"It's no imposition at all, James," Renee inserted as she too rose from the couch. "Bella and I almost have everything ready, don't we?"

Bella nodded and patted her disheveled hair as she wondered what she must look like. If he noticed, James was too polite to say anything. He followed the two women back to the kitchen, and a short time later, the four of them were seated around the old wooden table eating French toast and scrambled eggs with bacon.

"This is delicious," James said after he took a swallow of milk.

"Bella is quite the cook," her grandmother said, then added, "when she wants to be."

Bella rolled her eyes but remained silent, her mouth full of eggs.

After they'd all had their fill, Bella's grandmother announced she was going to take a nap, and Renee began to clear their dirty plates away, leaving James and Bella alone at the table.

"Thanks again for breakfast," he said, smiling at her.

Bella nodded as she drank the last of her juice. "Thanks again for the car kit. It's really thoughtful of you."

It was James' turn to nod. Then after a moment, he said, "Look, I know you'll be heading back to school soon, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out again before you leave town."

Bella thought for a moment. "Sure, I'd like that a lot," she said. "Hopefully I'll look a little more presentable the next time you see me."

James laughed. "You look great, Bella. You always do."

Bella laughed uncomfortably at the compliment. "Um, so when were you thinking we should go?"

"How about tomorrow night?"

James arranged to pick Bella up the next night at seven o'clock, and a few minutes later, Bella walked him to the door. She thanked him again for the gift, and he thanked her and her mom for breakfast. Then Bella shut the door with a smile. She had to admit she really liked James. He was straightforward and unassuming, and she felt like she knew exactly where she stood with him. She hummed as she ran up the stairs and got into the shower.

The rest of Christmas day was split between lounging around and eating the variety of treats her mother and grandma had spent the past few days making. Bella used the downtime to get ahead on some reading for a course she'd have once the new semester began. As she read, she realized how much she'd missed losing herself in her schoolwork. She'd spent far too much time the past few months letting other things distract her, and she had to admit she was excited for the chance to get back to school and renew her academic efforts.

The next evening, James picked her up exactly on time. He was dressed in jeans and cowboy boots, and once again, his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He grinned when she came down the stairs, and after bidding Renee farewell, the pair walked out to his truck. This time, however, instead of taking her to any of the local restaurants, he pulled his truck out onto the highway that led out of town.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked. She had to admit she was a little excited about the prospect of spending an evening out with James. He was so kind and honest. Bella found it refreshing.

It was dark in the cab, but Bella could sense his grin. "Well, you don't have very much longer in town, so I wanted tonight to be a special night for you."

Bella raised one eyebrow but said nothing. After driving for about twenty minutes, he took an upcoming exit, and soon they were driving through the streets of nearby Mesilla. It was a tiny town—smaller than Las Cruces— and Bella was confused as to what they were doing there, until James pulled up in front of a small restaurant.

"Here we are," he said, jumping out and rushing over to help Bella out before she could beat him to it. He needn't have worried. Bella was sitting immobile, staring at the restaurant. It was a Mexican restaurant she'd only ever driven by, but she was inadvertently and painfully reminded of the restaurant Edward had taken her to on their first date. It was eerily similar, down to the tiny twinkling lights on the porch and patio.

"Bella, are you all right?" James asked, a panicked look on his face as he opened her door.

His words brought her back to the present. "I'm sorry. I'm fine. This place looks really nice." She forced herself to smile.

James grinned. "I was hoping you wouldn't have been here before. It's one of my favorite places." He offered his hand and helped her down out of his truck, and they walked inside together.

"Can we get a table on the back patio?" James asked.

Bella quickly interrupted. "Actually, James, I'm feeling a little chilly. Do you think we could sit inside?" She didn't think she could bear sitting under those strangely familiar twinkling lights with him. Although he looked slightly disappointed, he agreed, and the waitress showed them to a table inside the restaurant.

"Are you still cold? Would you like my jacket?" he asked as they sat down.

Bella shook her head. "No, I'm okay."

The waitress came, and they ordered. James recommended the enchiladas, and Bella followed his suggestion. She wasn't disappointed. They were delicious.

"So, tell me about school," he said in between forkfuls of his own dinner. "I know you're super smart, and majoring in something ridiculously advanced, but that's about all I know."

Bella laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not that smart."

"Whatever," James said. "But seriously. Tell me why you love it so much. Why is it your passion?"

Bella was a little taken aback. No one had ever asked her that. She thought for a moment. Then, slowly she began to explain to him exactly what she loved. She told him about how somehow her world just made sense when she surrounded herself with numbers and figures. She told him about how satisfying it was to be able to plug numbers into a formula and have them work perfectly every time. She described how she loved to look into a microscope and find a whole new world just waiting to be discovered and explored.

"It probably sounds really stupid to you," she said, suddenly feeling embarrassed about how much she'd rambled.

He shook his head. "Not at all. I feel that way about cars."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. I mean, when I get under the hood of a car, things just make sense. A car behaves a certain way because of the different parts that make up its systems. If one of those parts breaks, it's like a puzzle trying to figure out which one and where it is."

Bella nodded. "I can see that."

He grinned at her. "I guess we're both just really passionate about the things we love."

Bella laughed and agreed. "You're really easy to talk to, you know that?"

He laughed and shrugged. "I just try to say what I feel."

Bella nodded. "I know. I like that about you."

He grinned sheepishly and Bella laughed. "So, where to now?" she asked as she wiped her mouth with her napkin and set it on her empty plate.

"Did you want to see another movie? I sort of got the feeling that you don't do that very often."

Bella laughed but shook her head. "I don't think so. I liked the movie the other night, but I'm okay for a while. You're right. I'm not a big movie person."

"Okay, how about we just drive around for a bit then. Or do you need to get home?"

"No, a drive sounds nice."

James paid, and they climbed back into his truck. When he noticed Bella shivering, he draped his jacket over her shoulders before starting the engine. Bella smiled appreciatively and pulled it around her shoulders a little tighter. It smelled the same as it had the other night, only this time it didn't smell quite as pleasant to her, maybe because she'd been reminded of what Edward smelled like since then.

They were quiet as James drove. He didn't head back to town right away, instead opting to drive around Mesilla.

"Look," he said, pointing through the windshield as he slowed his truck to a stop. They were on a side street, and Bella followed his finger. About a block in the distance she could see the giant screens of a drive-in movie theater. The images flickered on the giant screen. "All the perks of a movie without the commitment of staying for the whole thing," James said, grinning.

Bella chuckled. "But there's no sound."

"Let me see if I can fix that," he said, furrowing his brow and he spun the dial on his truck's radio. After a moment, the cab of the truck was filled with the sounds of dialogue. Bella laughed delightedly as the sound matched up with the picture in front of her.

James grinned, pleased by her apparent approval. "Are you still cold?" he asked, shifting a little closer to her.

She shook her head but made no move to scoot farther away from him. Instead, she leaned closer, and within a few moments, she was resting her head comfortably on his shoulder. The action felt somehow right, in spite of everything.

Later, when James shook Bella gently to wake her after she'd drifted off to sleep, she smiled and rubbed her eyes sleepily.

"Come on. Let's get you home," he whispered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was so tired. Was the movie good?" she asked through a yawn.

James smiled. "I don't know. I didn't pay much attention. I was too busy watching you."

His voice sounded somehow different, and Bella blushed. Suddenly, he seemed very close. She knew what he wanted from the look in his eyes, and she realized she didn't want to fight it anymore. What did it matter? Edward wasn't hers, and she'd never be his again. Besides, she was leaving the next day and wouldn't see James again for a long time. Just this once she wanted to do something to make herself feel good without worrying about anything else.

She closed her eyes and waited for James' lips to meet hers. They did, and even though they were soft and warm and his kiss was pleasurable, there was nothing of the spark and the excitement she'd felt when kissing Edward. She leaned a little closer, placing her hand on the back of his neck, hoping to feel more. After a moment, James pulled away, grinning at her in the dim light of his truck. Bella smiled back and touched his cheek gently, truly saddened that she didn't feel anything. Things would be so much easier if she had.

Bella spent the next morning packing and spending a few last moments with her mom and grandmother. The overall mood in the house was rather somber, and Bella hated that she was the cause of it. But it was a ten-hour drive, and she was anxious to get on her way. James had promised to come by and give her new car one last check-over before she left. He arrived just as she was packing the last of her things away. Edward's stowaway t-shirt had been shoved into the bottom of her suitcase, and her bed sheets had been stripped and thrown into the washing machine.

James was waiting in the living room when Bella trudged downstairs, dragging her large suitcase behind her.

"Thanks for coming by," she said by way of greeting.

"No problem. Listen, Bella, can I speak to you for a second?" he asked, and Bella noticed his face looked flushed and his eyes were brighter than usual.

"Sure," she said, setting her suitcase down by the front door.

"It came today," James said, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket. "I didn't think it would come so soon, but it did."

Bella waited for him to explain.

"I've been accepted to the Elite Wheels and Custom Motorcycles Institute!" he cried, waving the envelope in front of her.

Bella smiled warmly as she finally understood. "That's great! I knew you would be! Wow—motorcycles, huh? Isn't that a lot different than cars?"

He nodded excitedly. "Yeah, but it's been my dream to learn more about them. I don't get very many opportunities to work on them in the garage here, but I'll be working on and learning all about nothing but motorcycles now!"

"That's awesome, James! I'm really proud of you!" Bella was genuinely happy for him. He deserved a way out of town.

"Bella, do you realize what this means?" he asked. "The school is in La Mesa."

The name sounded familiar, but Bella couldn't place its location. She smiled at him vaguely as she nodded.

"La Mesa, California. It's only about thirty minutes outside of San Diego!"

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas mcc101180 & Twimarti. They've both spent some time talking me off a ledge at various points. :) **

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. 3**


	26. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Edward, where do you keep your coffee?" Jane called from the kitchen.

"Um, I don't usually keep it on hand. Sorry," he answered as he flipped through the pages of his textbook trying to find where he left off.

"Well, we need to get some then. You know how much I like coffee in the morning."

"Actually, I don't even have a coffee maker."

Jane stood in the doorway and sighed exasperatedly. "Seriously?"

Edward shrugged. "I never drink the stuff." He silently wished she'd let it drop, but he knew she probably wouldn't. Actually, he wished she'd just go and leave him in peace so he could study.

True to his word, Jacob had cleared Jane to go home two days before Christmas, leaving Edward no choice but to bring her to his apartment. He'd suggested that she spend some time at her parents' house, but she'd declined. And somehow, even though her parents were there the day she was released to go home and were ecstatic with the progress she'd made, they didn't seem very anxious to have her back home. So Edward had no choice but to bring her to stay with him.

Once she'd arrived, she'd been anxious to resume the physical relationship they'd had prior to her accident. The thought made Edward ill, and he did his best to put her off. He cited concern over her well-being, and the fact that Jacob hadn't given his okay for her to even drive yet, let alone engage in anything as rigorous as sex. She eyed him skeptically, and he could see the pain behind her eyes, but he pushed it aside. So far, he'd been successful. All they'd done in his bed since she'd moved in was sleep. He wondered how much longer he'd be able to put her off.

Now, almost two weeks later, she'd pretty much moved in with him, and it seemed to Edward as if she was constantly there. The apartment was too small for him to ever really get away from her, and she was less than understanding about the demands of his schoolwork.

"So, I thought you said you started school late," she said as she plopped down next to him on the couch.

"I did."

"So you're not getting credit for any of your assignments?"

"That was last semester. When the new semester started last week, that changed."

"Well," she said, her face taking on the pout that Edward had come to abhor. "I don't see why you can't just take this semester off, too. I mean, I just got home, and we have a lot of catching up to do." She grinned, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Edward sighed and patted her hand. "I know, but I can't. I need to be in school."

"Yeah, I was supposed to start school, too, you know," she said, resentment clear in her voice.

Edward sighed again and felt his jaw clenching reflexively. It seemed that lately she'd been bringing up all of the opportunities she'd missed while in a coma, and Edward suspected she was doing it on purpose to try and manipulate him. He also knew he had no defense against it.

"I know, Jane, and you will. We both agreed that this semester was too soon for you to start though." He smiled and patted her arm again in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "I know you're impatient. You've dealt with so much these past few months, and I'm so proud of you. We just need a little more time, and then our lives will be back to normal." He heard himself say the words, but he wasn't sure what they meant. Normal. Was this what his new normal was? He was still working hard to be a better person and support himself without his father's help, but somehow it felt like a hollow victory without Bella.

He glanced at his watch as he pushed thoughts of Bella from his mind for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. That day and every day. "I need to shower before work," he said, patting Jane's knee and bracing for the argument that he knew was about to start.

"Do you really have to go to work?" she asked, her voice giving off a hint of a whine.

"You know I do."

"No you don't. I know for a fact your father would be more than happy to reinstate your trust fund. Hell, we don't even have to touch your trust fund. I've got mine. It's more than enough for the both of us."

He ignored her. He'd heard it all from her dozens of times in the past two weeks. Undeterred by his silence, she continued.

"I'm serious, Edward. Our parents have worked hard to establish a life for us so that we don't have to work at menial labor jobs like waiting tables."

Her tone annoyed him, and he spun to face her. "Jane, I know you don't understand, but I'm doing my best to work hard and establish my own life. I don't need anyone else's help, especially not my father's."

Jane gave him a surly look, but his tone must have been enough to convince her that the subject wasn't up for debate anymore, at least not that day, because she kept quiet as Edward stalked into the bathroom and started the shower.

He left for work a little while later, feeling both guilty for quarreling with her and resentful of her constant presence. His mood was not improved at all once he arrived at work. Even though it had been weeks since Bella had quit on Peter, he still gave Edward dirty looks almost every time he saw him. Edward had a feeling that one slip up was all it would take for Peter to get rid of him. To make matters worse, the girl Peter had hired to replace Bella was even slower than Edward had been when he'd first started. Thankfully, Edward wasn't asked to train her, but her ineptitude still spilled over into his work sometimes.

"Victoria, you were supposed to deliver this order to table nine!" Edward called, handing her a plate that had sat under the warming lights far too long. "You'll have to have them re-fire it now."

"Sorry!" she mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, and by the time Edward pulled out of the parking lot for home, he was exhausted. He found Jane already asleep, and he did his best not to disturb her as he crawled in next to her.

As tired as he was, sleep didn't come easily. Unsurprisingly, he found his thoughts drifting to Bella. He wondered where she was and what she was doing. Surely she'd returned from New Mexico. Had she found another job? Most importantly in his mind, did she ever think of him? He entertained the possibility that somewhere she was lying in bed thinking about him, but he knew he had no right to hope for that. They'd each made their decisions. He knew that it was his poor decisions more than anything that had gotten him into this predicament. He sighed, and Jane rolled over in her sleep, reminding him again of her existence. He sighed. It did no good to dwell on thoughts of Bella. It was as though she'd been a fleeting dream. She'd been his for a few impossibly happy months of his life. But now she was gone, and Edward had to face that inescapable fact. He wondered if she'd moved on and found someone new, but the thought was too painful, so instead he punched his pillow, rolled over, and willed sleep to come. Eventually it did, and his dreams were nondescript and disjointed.

Jane was required to attend physical therapy sessions several times a week, and she was still restricted from driving, so in the morning before class, Edward drove her to Jacob's office, located near the facility she'd spent so many weeks in.

"I'll be back to pick you up after my first class. I should have just enough time to take you home before my second class. Can you please keep an eye on the time and be watching for me? I won't have time to wait for you, okay?"

Jane nodded dismissively and waved goodbye to him as she climbed out of the car. He watched as she practically skipped to the front door of the large medical complex. He silently thanked Demetri for referring them to Jacob. He'd been a lifesaver. Since he'd come into the picture, Jane's whole attitude about training had changed.

Edward made it to campus with only minutes to spare, and when his lecture was over, he hurried back to his car, checking his watch as he went, and hoping that Jane had listened to him this morning. He really couldn't afford to be late this early in the term. He arrived in front of the building and peered at the entrance, looking for Jane. She was nowhere to be found. Exasperated, he parked the car and headed inside to find her. He located Jacob's office on the directory wall inside the front door and took the stairs two at a time.

As he pushed the office door open, Jane's laughter filled his ears. She was bouncing up and down on a giant exercise ball as Jacob stood behind her to keep her steady. Neither of them noticed Edward's entrance. He cleared his throat.

"Oh, hey, Edward," Jacob said, smiling lightly.

"Hi, Jacob." Edward nodded briefly and turned his attention to Jane. "Jane, are you ready? I've got to get back to school."

"Okay, I'm coming. You're so impatient," she said, looking at Jacob and rolling her eyes. Jacob just smiled and helped her off the ball. "I'll see you Thursday then, right?"

Jacob nodded, and Jane made her way out the door. Once in the hallway, it took Edward a moment to realize they were heading in opposite directions.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "The elevator is this way."

Edward had been heading for the stairs again, but he realized that stairs might be a little more challenging than Jane could handle, especially just after finishing a training session with Jacob. He sighed and they waited for the elevator. He checked his watch and rolled his eyes.

"Jane, do you remember me asking you to be ready for me to pick you up? I'm going to be late to class now," he said, working to keep his tone calm and even.

She shrugged and stepped into the elevator. "I lost track of time. Sorry."

Edward sighed. There was no way he'd be able to make it to class on time now. He remained silent as they headed back to his apartment.

"Do you think we could stop and get some food? There's nothing at home, and I'm starving."

Edward stared at her in disbelief. "No, I have to get to class."

Jane sighed and muttered something incoherent under her breath, but Edward didn't ask her to repeat herself.

"I'm sure there's stuff to make a sandwich or something. I get paid on Friday. We can go grocery shopping then."

She snorted. "I can go grocery shopping anytime I want to."

Edward ignored her and pulled up in front of his apartment. "I'll be home around three," he said as she climbed out of the car.

Jane made a face, but nodded. "Okay, see you."

Just as he'd predicted, Edward was late for his class. He slipped as quietly as he could into the back row, but the professor still gave him a look.

He had one more class after that and then an hour break before his last class of the day. He decided to catch up on some reading and found a quiet corner in the library. He'd just started a new chapter when he glanced across the library and nearly dropped his book.

"Bella," he whispered to himself as he rose from his chair. Forgetting about his belongings scattered around his chair, he moved toward her. She hadn't seen him yet. Her eyes were on the shelf in front of her as she moved her fingers lightly across the spines of the books stacked there. When he was near enough, he spoke out loud. "Bella."

She looked up and her expression changed. He wasn't sure what he saw in her eyes. Pain? Fear? Excitement?

"Edward," she breathed, and her voice almost caused him physical pain. "I'm surprised to see you."

What did that mean? Surprised in a good way, or a bad way? He had to work to remind himself that it didn't matter. He was with Jane now.

"How are you?" he asked, trying to look casual as he leaned against a bookshelf.

She nodded. "I'm doing good. Busy, but good."

"Did you get another job?" he asked, unsure of what to say, but desperate to keep her talking.

"Yeah, I did. It's another restaurant. A little bit farther from campus, but I have a car now," she said. "A present from my grandmother," she explained at his surprised look.

"That's great. I was really sorry to see you leave Lucky's."

"Yeah, well. It was for the best." The silence was awkward for a moment, and then she said, "I miss everyone there, though."

Edward wondered if there was a hidden layer of meaning in her statement. Did she miss him too? Before he could wonder much more, she asked, "How are you? How's Jane?"

Edward both hated and loved that she always asked about Jane. "She's good. Things are pretty much back to normal," he said, shrugging, and for a split second, he saw unmistakable pain in her eyes. He tried to recall what he'd said to make her look like that, but it was gone before he could figure it out.

"That's great, Edward. I'm glad to hear that," she said. Her smile seemed warm and genuine. "I'm actually dating someone now too," she added in the most natural tone, as if this news wasn't going to rip what was left of Edward's heart out, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it.

"Really?" he responded, hoping that his tone sounded light and airy.

"Yeah. His name is James. He's actually from my hometown, but he moved out here to attend mechanic school. We knew each other in high school and then reconnected while I was home for Christmas."

In the back of his mind, he wondered why she was telling him all of this. "That's great," he heard himself say. He wondered if his voice sounded as foreign to her as it did in his own ears. "That's really great."

"Well, I'm late for a class. It was good seeing you, Edward."

"Yeah, you too." He wanted to stop her. He wanted to grab her and kiss her and tell her that he was the only one for her, but he couldn't. He couldn't because it wasn't true, at least not anymore. He watched her until she disappeared, and then he walked heavily back to his things. How was it possible that running into someone who he had practically lived to see just a few short weeks ago could all of a sudden ruin his entire day with just one five-minute meeting?

Despair and anger at himself welled up in him as he stormed back to the table where he'd left his belongings. Without really seeing, he shoved his things back in his backpack and trudged out of the library. His last class forgotten, he headed for home. The apartment was blissfully empty when he arrived. He found a note from Jane on the counter. Her mother had picked her up and taken her shopping.

He tried to watch television for a while, but it was no use. Bella invaded his thoughts. But it was worse than usual. Instead of the Bella of his memories, he was now inundated with thoughts of her with her new boyfriend, James. He knew he wasn't being fair. He'd made his decision, and so had Bella. In the back of his mind, he recognized that his decision to keep his commitment to Jane had been what had caused Bella to make her choice to move on.

With something that was halfway between a growl and a moan of frustration, he stood and stalked toward the shower, as if he hoped he'd be able to wash the torment that was Bella away.

The water felt good against his tired muscles, and he'd just started to relax when he was startled by a cold hand on his back.

"Mind if I join you?" Jane asked coyly. He hadn't heard her come in. He blinked as he tried to clear the water out of his eyes. She was already undressed, and before Edward could respond, she climbed in next to him. Her hands and lips were everywhere, and everything about it just felt wrong to Edward.

He protested, but his words seemed to get lost, and her lips were already on his, drowning out his objections. Suddenly, images of Bella and her new faceless boyfriend filled his mind. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was a horrible person and a coward, but he didn't care anymore. He was tired of trying to do the right thing. He was tired of trying to make everyone happy. This was his life now, his new normal, so he said nothing as he pushed Jane against the wall of the shower and tried to keep thoughts of Bella and the many showers they'd shared out of his head. This was just who he was now.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. You can follow me on Twitter if you want to chat. :) **


	27. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Six

"We need to get you some artwork," Bella said, chewing on the end of her pen as she looked around at the bare walls.

James continued to rock back and forth in his desk chair and nodded. "Yeah, probably so. Will you help me? I have no idea what to pick."

"Sure," Bella agreed brightly.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and they were both studying at James' brand new apartment. He'd only been in town for two weeks, but he'd already managed to find enough furniture to adequately fill the place. He'd started school the week before, and Bella loved listening to him talk about it. His eyes lit up and he got a sort of distant expression on his face when he explained to her all about what he was learning.

If she was being honest, she wasn't exactly sure how things had happened with James. There had been the kiss in his truck the night before she'd left and then the news that he was moving to La Mesa. Before Bella knew it, he'd arrived, called her up, and they'd been seeing each other ever since. She had to admit that she liked being with him. It was easy. He was straightforward, and she never had to worry about how he felt about her or what else might be going on with him. With James, what you saw was what you got.

However, she also had to admit that part of what made her so comfortable with their relationship was the same thing that was keeping her from being able to fully fall for him. He was easy and safe, but there was absolutely no spark between them—at least not that Bella could feel. James seemed delighted with her affections. But a tiny part of her knew—even if she couldn't admit it to herself—that James' presence in her life kept her from thinking about Edward as much. He was a good distraction. It was more than that, too. She genuinely enjoyed being around James. He was funny, and he treated her like gold.

Also, Bella found it easier to focus on her schoolwork with James around. He was also eager to get in as much study time as possible, so he was more than understanding about the long hours she needed to put in to complete her assignments. They spent a lot of time sitting in comfortable silence studying in tandem either at his apartment or her dorm room. The fact that he lived about thirty minutes away from her campus was a slight hindrance to their ability to see each other, but now that Bella had a vehicle, it wasn't as difficult as it would have been prior to Christmas break.

"So, do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" James asked.

Even though James had only been in town for two weeks, it was already becoming rare for them to have a night where neither of them needed to work or study. After quitting at Lucky's, Bella had picked up a job waiting tables at The Barn, another local hangout for the college crowd, and James had picked up some part-time work at his school. A night out at a restaurant would be a treat. Bella nodded. "Yeah, that would be great." She checked her watch. "Can we wait another hour or so? That'll give me time to finish this paper."

James agreed, and they both went back to their work. After a while, James yawned and glanced at his watch.

"Are you about ready? I'm getting hungry."

Bella closed her book and began gathering her notes from where they lay scattered across his bed. "Sure," she said as she stuffed her things into her backpack.

James stood and crossed the room to her. When he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him, planting a soft kiss on her lips. Bella smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, content for the moment.

They agreed on a little seafood place Bella knew that was right on the ocean. They took separate cars so that Bella wouldn't have to ride all the way back to James' apartment and then drive home. As they climbed into their respective vehicles, James hinted that Bella didn't have to go home at all after dinner. She just smiled and closed her car door. So far, there hadn't been anything more than making out, but Bella could sense James growing anxious for more. She just wasn't sure if she could give him anything more, at least not yet. Things with Edward were still too fresh in her memory.

James followed Bella, and they pulled into the restaurant, parking in spots next to each other. They got a table overlooking the ocean, and James held Bella's hand across the table as they perused their menus. The setting sun shone copper through the window and glinted off James' long blond hair. Bella stared at him for a moment. He really was good looking. After a few moments, he noticed her watching him and grinned. Embarrassed, Bella ducked her head and concentrated on her menu.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said, nodding as she looked over the specials.

"Are you happy?"

Bella paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer. She knew the answer he wanted to hear, but she also knew the truth, and the two didn't exactly match up. "Yes," she said finally.

James stared at her, seeming to scrutinize her, and she suddenly became uncomfortable under his steady gaze. "Because you don't really seem very happy," he said in his unflinchingly honest way.

Bella felt herself squirming a little. "I guess I'm just not the kind of person who gets overjoyed very easily. I really am happy, though. I promise. I enjoy being with you." She felt better that at least part of her statement wasn't a lie. She truly did like spending time with him. She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way, and he patted her hand. Just then, something caught her eye over James' shoulder. She felt the blood leave her face as she blinked disbelievingly. How was it possible that he was here?

He hadn't seen her yet, and she silently prayed that he wouldn't. The last time she'd accidentally run into him it had about killed her. But she did take the opportunity to observe him unnoticed for a moment. The sight of him made her heart hammer, just as it had done when she'd run into him the other day. He was holding the hand of a small blonde girl, and Bella knew immediately that she must be Jane. He looked good. His hair seemed a bit longer than the last time she'd seen him, and she wondered if she was imagining that he looked a little thinner. He definitely looked paler, and it seemed that the shadows under his eyes were more pronounced. Oblivious to the inner turmoil Bella was dealing with, James began to say something to her, but she didn't really hear what he said.

Suddenly, Edward's gaze shifted as the maitre d' ushered them through the restaurant. He was looking right at her. His jaw clenched for a moment, and Bella could have sworn a look of pain crossed his face. She wondered for a split second if he would just ignore her and pretend she was a stranger. She felt that somehow that would hurt more than anything else she'd been through with him. The maitre d' swept by, Edward and Jane close in tow. They were going to pass right by Bella's table. Her heart stopped. Just when she was sure he'd pass her by, Edward stopped and smiled. It was a beautiful smile, as usual, but it somehow seemed forced to Bella.

"Bella!" he cried. "Imagine seeing you here. Of all the restaurants…" He faded off, and Bella knew exactly what he was thinking. She forced herself to smile, too.

"Edward, what a surprise." She couldn't help glancing at James. He was looking back and forth between Bella and Edward, but she couldn't read his expression.

"Bella, I don't think you've met Jane. Jane, this is my friend Bella. We used to work together."

He might as well have physically slapped her for all the pain his words caused Bella. Was that what she'd been reduced to? Someone he used to work with? A casual work acquaintance? But at the same time, she understood perfectly why he chose the words he did. Jane had no idea of Bella's existence, or that for a few brief, glorious months, she'd meant much more to Edward than a simple work friend.

She nodded at Jane and said warmly, "Jane, it's so nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. I'm so happy to see that you've fully recovered from your accident."

Bella caught Edward's expression out of the corner of her eye, and it was a mixture of surprise and something else—gratitude maybe? She wasn't sure.

Jane smiled at Bella, clearly flattered that Edward had spoken of her so much at work. "Well, it hasn't been easy, but I've had Edward by my side, so that's helped."

As she agreed and nodded, Bella absentmindedly wondered whether there were actual gaping wounds in her chest at that moment, because it certainly felt to her like there were. She was afraid to even look down for fear that she'd see her heart open and bleeding lying on the table. Somehow, she had the presence of mind to remember James' existence.

"Edward, Jane, this is my boyfriend James," she said, and suddenly she wasn't quite sure where to look. She didn't seem to be able to meet anyone's eyes, and the restaurant seemed much brighter than it had only moments ago, even though the sun was continuing to sink into the ocean.

"Nice to meet you both," James said, unfailingly polite as usual.

A few feet away, the maitre d' discreetly cleared his throat, and Edward took his cue. "Well, we'd better get to our table. Great to meet you, James, and it was nice seeing you again, Bella." There was something in his eyes, and all of a sudden, although she'd been unable to look at him only a few seconds before, she couldn't pull her eyes away from his intense gaze. She mumbled something that she was sure was incoherent, and then he was gone. Thankfully, blessedly, the maitre d' led them around the corner and out of sight.

Right after their departure, the waiter arrived with their appetizers, and Bella welcomed the distraction for her hands. They ate in silence for a moment, and then James said quietly, "So you used to work with Edward?"

Bella nodded but kept her eyes trained on the table. She wasn't sure what her face would show if she looked at him.

"That's him, isn't it?" James asked his voice still calm and quiet.

"Who?" Curiosity forced her to meet his gaze.

"The first time I tried to kiss you, you told me that you weren't looking for anything serious because you'd just gotten out of a serious relationship. I hadn't thought much about it, but that's him, isn't it? Edward?"

Bella looked at her lap for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. How could she lie to James? Sweet, caring, straightforward James. But what would the truth cost her?

"Yes, Edward and I dated," she said with a sigh.

James nodded and then smiled before reaching for her hand. "Hey, it's okay, you know. It's not like you just confessed to murder or anything."

Bella smiled and shook her head at him. "You are too nice, you know that?"

James grinned. "You deserve someone nice."

Their meals arrived before Bella could respond, and they were soon distracted by the towering piles of seafood before them. Bella couldn't honestly say that she ever truly forgot about Edward, but sitting there enjoying a meal with James, she came as close as she ever really got.

As they were walking out of the restaurant, Bella was almost afraid to look around for fear that she might see Edward and Jane again. But her worry was for naught. Either they were seated in a completely different section of the restaurant, or they'd already left, because there was no sign of them as she and James made their way out of the restaurant and into the parking lot.

When they reached their cars, James leaned against the side of his truck and pulled Bella into an embrace. She smiled up at him and placed a kiss on his lips.

"Bella?" he asked softly, smoothing her hair back from her face.

She hummed her response.

"I need to know something."

She looked at him, eyes wide as she studied his face, trying to determine where this conversation was headed.

"I need to know that you're all in." He paused for a moment, then continued. "I don't care who you dated before. I'm even okay with us taking things as super slow as we have been." He stopped and grinned, and Bella wondered if he could see her blushing in the dim streetlights. "I don't even care that you're so wrapped up in school that it sometimes seems like you barely notice me. I don't care about any of that if you tell me that you're all in. I like you a lot, Bella. And I want this relationship to go somewhere, but I can't be the only one trying."

Bella felt her heart begin to beat a little faster. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd known this conversation would happen eventually. She just hadn't thought it would be so soon. She sighed.

"James, I loved Edward. Things were pretty serious. But it's over now, I promise. Things will never work out between us, so it's done. As far as school…" she shrugged "…I know that I'm intense when it comes to my studies. I always have been. But if you remind me once in a while to take it down a notch, I can. As far as the intimacy of our relationship, I just need a little more time, okay? I really like you, James. I want this to work out, too."

James studied her face for a moment before bending down to kiss her. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself closer to him. In the back of her mind, she knew she did this because she wanted to feel something more than she did.

As she broke away from his embrace, she caught sight of headlights cutting through the darkness as a car that looked very much like Edward's pulled out of the parking lot and around the corner.

**A/N: Thanks to my amazing betas TwiMarti and Mcc101180. They are fantastic! **

**I know these last few chapters have been painful. I really appreciate all the kind words and support I've received from so many people. It means a lot to me. Thanks for reading! :) **


	28. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"So you swear she's just some girl you used to work with?" Jane said, arms crossed petulantly over her chest.

"Yes," Edward answered quietly, working to maintain his cool even though he felt panic welling inside him. How could he say that? How could he betray Bella like that, even if she knew nothing of the betrayal?

"It seemed like there was something going on there. The way you two looked at each other…" Jane said, giving him an accusatory look. Were his feelings for Bella that obvious, even to someone looking in from the outside? Jane wasn't known for being particularly observant, so for her to notice meant that they must be. He made a mental note to work on his poker face.

Edward sighed and rubbed his forehead. He had no patience for this. Seeing Bella had been trying enough, not to mention seeing her with her new boyfriend, James. Now Jane wanted to give him the third degree, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Anger flashed through him, and he took a deep breath to try and calm down. He reminded himself that none of this was Jane's fault. She was simply another victim in the poorly planned and executed game that was Edward's joke of a life. Just like Bella. He'd let Bella get close to him, let her fall for him, and in the end, he'd hurt her. Was there anything he didn't ruin? He had no one to blame for this mess except for himself.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jane. We worked together." His voice sounded as thin as his patience felt.

Jane stared at him for a moment longer, then picked up her menu. Relieved, Edward followed suit. But as he stared at the menu, the only thing he could see was Bella's face. Bella's beautiful, sad face. And James. He hadn't gotten much of a chance to check James out, but what he had seen he didn't like. In a completely irrational way, Edward wanted to smash James' face in.

Thankfully, the maitre d' had seated them in opposite ends of the restaurant, so Edward had no idea whether James and Bella were still there, or if they'd already left. Part of him hoped that they would slip out while he and Jane were eating so that he wouldn't have to endure seeing her and James together again. But the more masochistic side of him hoped that he would see her again, if only just to get one last glimpse.

He regretted that wish later on when he and Jane walked out of the restaurant just in time to see Bella and James embracing on the hood of what he assumed was her new car. It seemed like his heart fell out of his chest as he watched the way James' arms snaked around her small form and pulled her close in a completely intimate and possessive way. His vision even clouded over a bit as he caught sight of James kissing her. Edward thought he might actually be physically ill when Bella reached up and wrapped her arms around James, completely unreserved and unhesitant in her affection for him. He thought briefly about when he used to be the one holding her like that, but the memories were too painful, so he pushed them aside as best he could. He forced himself to turn away as he and Jane walked to his car. But apparently he wasn't the only one who'd noticed the little display in the parking lot.

"I see the way you look at her," Jane said quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot.

He was silent for a moment, as if by ignoring her he could make the conversation they were about to have go away. Knowing it was futile, he finally asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You can deny it all you want, Edward, but I'm not blind, and I'm not an idiot," Jane said, practically spitting her words at him.

"Fine," Edward said, defeated. "While you were in the hospital, Bella and I sort of dated." He felt his heart sink as his betrayal of Bella was complete. Were there any words ever spoken that were more of an understatement? For a few brief months she'd been his everything, and now he'd reduced her to a workplace fling. "But it's over now, so I didn't think I needed to tell you about it. It's not a big deal." Pain ripped through him. Bella had been the biggest of deals for him.

Jane was silent for a moment, and Edward actually had hope that he'd heard the end of it. But then he heard Jane sobbing softly next to him.

"Oh geez, Jane. I'm sorry, really. I didn't want to tell you because it's just not an issue anymore—"

She interrupted him. "So let me get this straight." Her voice was higher than normal, and her tone was strained. "While I was lying in the hospital bed that you put me in, you were off having a good time with some little slut?"

"Don't call her that," Edward said, his voice a warning. "It wasn't like that. You have no idea what it was like for me while you were in the hospital. I feel guilty every day of my life because of what happened to you." His voice grew louder as he spoke, and by the end, he was practically shouting, the sound reverberating through the small confines of the car. "I think about what I did to you every day! But I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up. I didn't mean to meet Bella—it just happened. But it's over. It's over, okay? She means nothing to me." More pain in his chest. Did his betrayal know no bounds?

Jane was silent for a moment, and Edward used the opportunity to work on controlling his breathing. He was gripping the steering wheel tightly, and he felt his vision begin to narrow again. After a few minutes and a lot of effort on his part, he began to feel a little calmer. Jane still hadn't spoken, so after another moment, he asked, "Are you okay?" He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he drove, and she sniffled and nodded.

"Yes, I guess I never thought much about what things were like for you while I was in the hospital. I sort of just pictured you waiting by my bedside the whole time," she said, and they both laughed reluctantly.

"You know that I'm really sorry about what happened to you, right? I was so stupid, and you paid for it. I can't ever make that up to you."

Jane shifted a little so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "No, but I love that you try every day," she said.

Edward smiled and reached for her hand.

Later that night, Edward pushed thoughts of Bella as far out of his mind as he could and made love to Jane. It was much the same as it always was. Despite his best efforts, and as ridiculous as it seemed, he always felt like it was an experience that was occurring without his control or influence. In those moments when they were together, he felt like an outsider looking in on someone else's life. If Jane noticed, she never complained. Afterward, as Jane lay sleeping next to him, thoughts of Bella with James crept uninvited back into his mind. For a moment, he wondered if James had made love to Bella that night just as he'd made love to Jane. He hated himself for even thinking about that, almost as much as he hated himself for sleeping with Jane when he knew in truth that his heart still belonged to Bella.

He sighed quietly so as not to disturb Jane. He knew he needed to stop thinking about Bella that way. She had been like his own personal sun. She'd given him light and warmth, and for a short time, he'd happily revolved around her. But just like the sun, she was too brilliant, too spectacular, and he found himself unable to be close to her without getting himself burned. There was too much darkness in him to withstand the brilliance of her light. He needed to let her go. His path lay with Jane now. It was a long time before sleep finally claimed him that night.

The next day began with the same routine that was becoming so familiar to Edward and Jane. He dropped her off at her physical therapy appointment and went to class. Afterward, he picked her up and listened to her chatter almost nonstop about all the hard work she and Jacob were doing. She was flushed with excitement, and he couldn't help smiling at her enthusiasm as he dropped her off back at the apartment before heading to his next class.

Edward didn't work that night, so after his final class, he made a stop at the grocery store before heading home. He glanced briefly at the sky as he jogged from his car into the store. Dark clouds were rolling across the normally blue sky as a rare storm rolled in. As he reached the store's entrance, several raindrops splashed across his forehead. He gathered ingredients to make dinner for the two of them, and by the time he was finished, he had to sprint from the store's protective awning to his car. The rain was coming down thick and heavy now, and the sky was nearly black. Despite the weather, when he walked through the door of his apartment, he was actually whistling tunelessly. He chuckled to himself when he realized it. He was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with Jane.

Jane greeted him with a kiss. "What's all this?" she asked, gesturing at the bags he carried.

"I thought I'd make us some dinner," Edward replied with a smile.

Jane's face fell. "Oh, I'm sorry. I made plans to go to my parents' tonight. I didn't know you wanted to cook."

Edward hid his disappointment. "Oh, okay. It's no big deal. Another time." He smiled and kissed her forehead before putting his groceries away. "Do you need a ride?" Jane still wasn't cleared to drive yet.

She called from the other room. "No, my mom's going to pick me up in about twenty minutes."

Mrs. O'Brien was right on time. Edward heard her honking from the parking lot. She always refused to come inside whenever she came for Jane. Jane grabbed her jacket and called her farewells to Edward before slamming the door. Then Edward was alone.

He plopped down on the couch, flicking on the television as he sighed. He felt restless and wanted to go somewhere, but he couldn't think of anywhere he wanted to be. Besides, the rain was coming down in sheets now.

He watched the television mindlessly for a while, the sound of the rain pounding against the windows somehow comforting in the background. Then suddenly, his heart skipped a beat as a commercial for the San Diego Zoo flashed across the screen. He had gone almost a whole day without thinking of her, and now thanks to one advertisement, he was flooded with memories again. He remembered almost everything about that day; the way she'd nodded and laughed excitedly as he'd shared all his favorite things with her. The way the sun had glinted off the bare skin of her neck as she tilted her head to listen to him more intently. The way little wrinkles had formed on the bridge of her nose as she'd squinted in the bright light of the midday. His heart had felt so full that day. He'd shared something special with her, something that she could have mocked, but she'd just kissed him tenderly and thanked him for sharing a part of himself with her. That was also the day that Jane had woken up. It was the beginning of the end for him and Bella, it turned out.

He sighed and flicked the television back off again, tossing the remote across the couch in frustration. He had to do something about this. He couldn't continue pining over Bella this way. She'd made her choice, and in reality, so had he. He'd chosen to keep his commitment to Jane, and it wasn't fair to either Jane or Bella for him to not be completely committed to Jane now. He and Bella were over. He knew that he'd said those words to himself countless times, but he had to find a way to mean them. Bella was clearly over him. She had James.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Thinking that Jane must have forgotten something and failed to bring her key with her, he stood and moved quickly to let her in. Outside his door, the rain was still coming down relentlessly, but that wasn't what drew his attention.

Standing on his doorstep, completely drenched, shoulders heaving as if she'd just run a mile, stood Bella.

**A/N: Thanks to my betas Twimarti & mcc101180. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. :) **


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please make sure you read the A/N at the bottom too. :) **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It was one of the few rainy days San Diego had, and Bella could feel the gloom affecting her mood. She squinted and sighed in frustration as her car's ancient wipers failed to keep the windshield clear. She cursed as she nearly missed the turn, but managed to slow down enough to make it. It was the middle of the afternoon, but the clouds made it feel almost like twilight.

Finally, she pulled up in front of James' apartment. Because of the storm, the trip had taken her nearly twice as long as it normally did. As she gathered her things and prepared to make a run for it, she spotted James. He was carrying an oversized umbrella and loping toward her through the parking lot. She smiled and opened her door.

"What are you doing out here?" she said, raising her voice to be heard over the torrent.

"I didn't want you to get soaked, and I wasn't sure you had an umbrella," he shouted back, grinning at her as he covered her while she stepped out. "I'm glad I came out. You don't seem to have one."

She smiled gratefully at him, and they began to walk toward the front door. Even though the umbrella was large, it took some coordination for them to stay together and keep from getting drenched. Once they made it inside, James sighed happily and shook out the umbrella. Bella watched as droplets of water flew through the air, making tiny prisms as the light hit them.

It was really thoughtful of him to meet her and ensure that she didn't get wet. She knew she should have felt her heart swell from such a romantic gesture, but she felt nothing except the same steady thump she always did. If someone else had done that for her… But she didn't let her mind go down that path. Instead, she sighed sadly and then smiled quickly at James as he held his hand out to her before they climbed the stairs to his apartment together.

"Do you have studying to do?" he asked as he swung the door open.

She did. She always did, but she didn't feel like it. "Not really," she lied.

James smiled and closed the door. "Good," he said, grinning as he approached her. "I was hoping you'd say that." He bent and kissed her, placing his hands on either side of her face. After a moment, he deepened the kiss and began to walk them slowly to his bed. Bella heard warning bells ringing in her head.

They reached the bed, and he pulled away long enough to sit on the edge and gently pull her down next to him. Once they were both sitting, he smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her once more. His lips met hers again, and he sighed contentedly. After a few moments, things began to get more heated, at least for him. Bella just felt numb. As he gently nudged her onto her back and slid next to her, she felt almost as if she were watching the scene from the above. Could she really do this? Or rather, could she really let this happen as she watched impassively as if from outside her body?

She knew she couldn't. Softly, she pushed against James' chest. He pulled back and looked at her curiously. "What's wrong?" he asked, working to slow his breathing.

"I just…I don't think I can do this. I'm not ready. I'm sorry," she whispered, not quite able to meet his questioning gaze.

He sat up and sighed in obvious frustration. She watched his jaw flex as he stared at nothing, and she felt horrible. She waited for his rage. She knew any moment his patience was going to run out, and he was going to tell her to get out, that he never wanted to see her again. She waited, but it never came. Its absence made her feel even worse. James was such a good guy. He deserved better than her. She knew he needed more than what she could give him.

She took a deep breath before placing a hand on his shoulder. "James," she began, not quite sure what she should say. "I'm sorry, I just…" She trailed off, words failing her.

He sighed and turned to face her. "It's okay, Bella. I know," he said. She quirked her eyebrow at him, and he chuckled. "I'm a nice guy, but you're just not that into me."

Bella felt shame color her cheeks. There was absolutely no logical reason why those words should be true, but as he spoke them, she knew they were. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Well," James said, looking her up and down as he rubbed his chin. "Judging from what I saw the other night, I'd say you're still in love with someone else."

She knew he was trying to go easy on her and give her a way out, but he was just making her feel worse. "I never meant to hurt you. You're so good to me," she said, her voice pleading.

"I know, and I would have always been good to you, Bella. I'd have given you anything you wanted. But I can't be both sides of a one-sided relationship. You know what I mean?" He smiled at her and ducked his head a little as he tried to catch her eye.

"I'm so sorry, James."

"I know. You tried. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Can't be helped sometimes," he said, shrugging. He was trying valiantly to be lighthearted about the whole situation, but Bella could see the pain behind his eyes.

She couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks as she stood. James rose with her, and she embraced him warmly. It was probably the most she'd ever felt when he'd held her, but it wasn't the feeling he was looking for her to have. She felt gratitude and relief.

When she was standing at the door, he called to her. She turned and looked at him as she wiped her eyes with a tissue she'd snagged from his desk. "Take this," he said, holding out the umbrella to her. She began to shake her head, but he pressed it into her hands. "It's okay. It's just an umbrella." She nodded and mumbled her thanks. Her hand was on the knob, and she was halfway through the doorway when he called to her again. "Bella…" Again, she looked at him, blinking to clear her eyes. "Go fight for him."

She stared at him questioningly for a moment before shaking her head. "He's…taken," she said sadly.

James smiled. "He's taken by that blonde about as much as you were taken by me."

Bella smiled ruefully and nodded. "Thanks, James. I appreciate it, but it's a little more complicated than that." She had no intention of further abusing his good nature in order to fill him in on the woes of her complicated relationship with Edward.

James shrugged again. "Suit yourself. Goodbye, Bella."

Bella smiled and gave him a little wave, unsure of how to communicate her gratitude and her sorrow to him. She shut the door behind her with a quiet click and ran all the way downstairs and through the parking lot. She didn't bother with the umbrella, and by the time she threw herself across the seat of her car and slammed the door, her hair was soaked. With shaking fingers, she started the ignition and cranked the heat up to high. She sat for several minutes inside the dark car, unable to bring herself to move, shaking from both her nerves and the cold.

Soon, she became afraid of James finding her sitting there. He'd been so gracious, but she wasn't sure if she could handle another meeting with him. Reluctantly, she wiped her eyes and put the car into gear. As she drove, James' words echoed in her head. It was foolish, she knew, but she couldn't seem to shake his advice. She neared home, but instead of turning and pulling into her dorm parking lot, she found herself travelling down a road she hadn't been on in some time.

The rain streamed endlessly down the windows in thick little rivers. Bella sat looking out at his apartment for a long time, trying to gather the courage to get out of the car. Desire and desperation welled up inside her in equal parts, and James' words echoed in her head. She tried to take courage from them, but fear kept her rooted in place. She could barely make out his front door through the rain-drenched gloom. Lights were on inside, but she wondered if that meant that Edward was home, or Jane, or both.

After what felt like an eternity, she realized she needed to do something. It was now or never. She either needed to get out of the car and approach the door, or turn back and drive herself home. With a surge of adrenaline that seemed to come from all the way down in her toes, she took a deep breath and wrenched the heavy car door open. The sound of the rain increased in volume, and she set off through the parking lot to his door like a shot. She reached the door and pounded on it with her fist, almost throwing herself bodily into it in her haste to get out of the downpour and through this task. She'd given little thought to what she'd do if Jane answered, and now panic gripped her. She was ready to turn around and dash back to the safety of her car when she heard the lock clicking and the doorknob turning slowly.

Edward blinked for a moment as he looked her up and down. Clearly, he was surprised to see her. "Bella, it's pouring, what are you doing—"

She cut him off. "Pick me, Edward."

He furrowed his brow at her for a moment and opened his mouth as if to speak, so Bella rushed on. She knew her courage would fail her at any moment, and she was desperate to say what she came to say.

"Pick me. Choose me. Love me." Her words broke, and she was unsure of whether the moisture streaming down her cheeks was from the rain or the tears that she felt welling in her eyes. "I can't do this anymore. It has to be me. We belong together. I don't want to be without you. I don't care about anything else, I…" She faltered. She was out of things to say, ways to convince him. She needed him more than she needed air, and she wasn't sure what she'd do if he rejected her…again.

His expression was unfathomable, and she felt her stomach lurch uncomfortably. This was it—she'd laid herself out bare for him, and he was about to reject her. She tried to steel herself for the pain she knew was coming, but it was no use. She sagged slightly as the air in her lungs failed her, and for a split second, she was falling, weightless and in slow motion.

Edward's hands were strong and sure as they caught her mid-fall. He brought her back to her feet, and she wanted to thank him, but she knew the kindness of his touch would cost her later. His eyes searched her face for a moment, and once again she felt naked before him, as if he could read her every thought and emotion.

He gave what could only be described as an anguished cry, and she felt his hold tighten around her as he drew her nearer to him. His lips were warm and felt like home as they found her own. Surprised, she uttered a muffled cry of her own. Her body seemed to act on its own accord, responding as if it wished to tell him exactly how much she'd missed him. For a split second, James flashed through her mind, and she couldn't help noticing the juxtaposition between the two men. James, with his unfailing quiet politeness, would never hold one-tenth of the appeal Edward held for her. She knew in that moment that it wouldn't matter if Edward never broke things off with Jane. Bella would be tied to him like a puppet on a string for as long as he'd let her. She'd been deluding herself these past few weeks when she'd tried to pretend that she could do without him. How foolish she'd been.

"Oh, Bella…" He was nuzzling her neck now, and she could feel the rain as it splashed off of his cheeks and forehead and onto her skin. "You came back." He whispered this against her skin repeatedly, and she found herself stroking his now-drenched hair as she tried to soothe him.

After a few minutes, she began to overcome some of the feeling that he'd disappear if she loosened her hold on him. Shivering slightly from the rain, she pulled her head back to look into his eyes. He noticed her tremor and ran his hands down her arms.

He smiled. "Let's get you inside." His eyes seemed wet, but Bella wasn't sure if it was the rain, or whether he'd also been crying. She nodded and followed him inside. As they entered, she looked around cautiously, afraid Jane would jump out at them at any moment.

"Is Jane here?" she asked.

Edward shook his head before disappearing down the hall. "No, she's at her mother's. She won't be back until later. Her mom is supposed to drop her off in about an hour," he called. He returned a minute later with two towels. He smiled as he handed Bella one, but there was something off in his expression.

Bella nodded and took the towel from Edward. Absentmindedly, she used it to dry her hair. She couldn't help the guilt that gnawed at her. She knew things were much more complicated, but she couldn't help but feel like the other woman, sneaking into Edward's apartment while Jane was away. She'd kissed Edward, or more accurately, he'd kissed her. Either way, she didn't feel right about it. He wasn't free. He belonged to Jane.

Edward's thoughts were obviously along the same vein. "So, where's James?" he asked as he sat on the edge of the coffee table, running his own towel through his hair.

"He's…We're not together anymore." Bella furrowed her brow. Wouldn't Edward assume that she wasn't with James anymore if she was coming to him and begging him to take her back? "Edward, I don't…where do we go from here?" She needed to know.

Edward sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face as he laid his damp towel across his knee. Bella felt her heart sink. She'd told herself earlier that she'd stay with him, no matter what, but was Edward really going to require that of her?

"I don't want to be without you, Bella. I never wanted to let you go in the first place. I just… Everything I've done has backfired. Every action I've taken has turned out to be the wrong one. I've never tried so hard to do the right thing and failed so miserably." He shook his head and sighed, then his voice turned quiet and his gaze piercing as he met her eyes. "But why did you come back?" he asked.

Bella felt her heart and her stomach lurch. She opened her mouth but didn't seem to be able to speak.

Edward continued. "I don't understand how you could still possibly want to be with me after all I've put you through." The pain in his voice went straight to her heart. "Why, Bella? Why do you want me? I've made mistake after mistake." His voice broke and his words became nothing more than a tortured sob.

Bella was kneeling in front of him in an instant. She hesitated as she reached up to stroke his face, remembering that he was not hers in this moment. Instead of using her touch to comfort him as she wanted to, she folded her hands in her lap and tilted her head in order to catch his gaze. "You still don't see it, do you?" she asked.

He furrowed his brow and tried to duck his head again. This time, she didn't stop herself from placing one hand on either side of his face. "I love you. It feels like I've always loved you. It feels like I can't breathe when you're not with me. It hurts. It physically hurts," she whispered, the pain that she'd been working so hard to suppress these past weeks nearly crushing her now.

"But I'm no good," he mumbled. "You can do so much better."

She shook her head, growing slightly impatient. "It doesn't matter, Edward. You're who I choose. You're not perfect—no one's going to deny that. But you're good. You're a good man. You try, and that's all I can ask for."

He still seemed unconvinced, despite her words, and a new thought caused Bella to drop her hands as a cold chill that had nothing to do with her damp clothing swept through her. "Unless, you don't feel the same way anymore…" She trailed off. She'd been so sure when he'd kissed her, but maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe he was now trying to let her down easy.

Edward growled. "Bella, there are a lot of things I'm not sure of in this world, but the way I feel about you will never change. You are my everything, despite all that's happened. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't miss you and wish I could change the past. I just don't understand how you can come here and beg me to take you back after everything."

She blinked at him. Did he really not see? "You're my everything, too," she said quietly, as if it should be the most obvious answer in the world.

He smiled, and she saw something change in his eyes. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face before he gathered her hands in his and looked her in the eye. "Okay, I know I've asked you for too much already, but you've got to give me time to talk to Jane." He paused when he saw Bella's expression. "I'll talk to her tonight, I promise. I won't drag things out again. I'll never make that mistake again."

Bella looked at him skeptically. She knew he meant what he said, but a tiny part of her wondered if he'd be able to make the break with Jane when it came right down to it. She pulled her hands away from his, folded her hands in her lap, and took a deep breath.

Edward shifted to catch her gaze again. "Bella, you have my word. I will end things with Jane tonight. Trust me, I don't want to prolong this any longer either. Before you showed up here, I thought I'd lost you forever. I didn't believe there was any way that you'd ever want me back. But then, here you are, offering to take me back." He paused and chuckled as he shook his head, as if once again the thought of her wanting him was too absurd for him to believe. "I'm not going to do anything to risk losing you again."

Bella smiled. In the pit of her stomach, there still sat a tiny ball of fear and doubt, but she knew she needed to trust him. She needed to show him that she believed in him.

"Okay, I believe you. I know you'll do the right thing." She smiled as she reached up and stroked his cheek. "I love you."

Edward beamed at her and bent to kiss her. Before their lips met, however, he pulled away. He looked down at her apologetically. "I don't want to do anything until I've gotten the chance to talk to Jane. She deserves that, at least."

Bella nodded and stood. "You're right." How could he think that he was a bad person? He was almost constantly concerned with everyone else's feelings. She vowed silently to make it her personal mission to help him think more highly of himself.

"She should be home soon. Give me an hour or so, and I'll call you?"

Bella nodded again and handed him back his towel. As she placed her hand on the doorknob, Edward called her name. She turned to look at him.

"I know I haven't treated you right, Bella. I'm not sure why you're giving me another chance, but I promise that I'm going to spend the rest of my life putting you first and making sure you know how much you mean to me."

Bella felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. She beamed at him and nodded. Edward mumbled something unintelligible before he threw both of their towels on the floor and closed the gap between them. He held her face between his hands and brought his lips to hers, his kiss full of passion and need. Bella couldn't bring herself to care about how wrong their kiss was as she wound her arms around him and let her fingers snake up into his hair. Both were breathless by the time Edward pulled away.

"Go," he growled, his eyes wild.

Bella nodded and fumbled with the door, letting herself out and stumbling to her car. The rain had let up quite a bit. It was now just a quiet mist, and Bella smiled as she shook out her still-damp hair before climbing in her car.

As she pulled out of the parking lot, she caught a glimpse of an expensive-looking car pulling in. Jane was visible in the passenger's seat. Bella felt confident that Jane hadn't noticed her. It was nearly dark, and Jane had no idea what Bella's car looked like. Bella smiled to herself as she pulled out onto the street. She knew it wouldn't be long now.

**A/N: ****I know you're all mad at Edward, and you should be. He's done some terrible things.**

**Let me just say this: this story is supposed to be about hurt and pain and redemption. It's about learning and growing and becoming a better by learning from mistakes. Redemption comes in many forms, and sometimes people who need to seek redemption and make atonement for their actions need a little help realizing that option is even available to them.**

**I know a lot of people have expressed concern that Bella sought out Edward instead of the other way around. In a perfect world, maybe he would have been the one who went to her first, but my characters aren't perfect and they don't live in a perfect world. Edward needed to know that Bella still loved him in order for him to realize that change and forgiveness were even possible. Up until she comes to him, he believes she's moved on and her love is no longer even an option for him. Some of you will say that makes him a coward or that makes him less of a man, but I disagree. I believe that makes him human. It makes him someone who is lost and in need of some help to realize his potential.**

**Bella goes to Edward because she loves him. In my opinion that doesn't make her weak or doesn't mean she has no self esteem. It makes her strong because she's willing to fight for what she wants even when the obstacles seem insurmountable. She knows Edward is with Jane, but she won't rest until she's made sure he knows how she still feels. She tries desperately to be without him, but is miserable. Despite everything he's done, her heart hasn't changed and she's able to see past his poor choices to the intent he's had all along. Even though his choices haven't turned out the way he hoped, he's only ever tried to do what he thought was the right thing for everyone involved. Unfortunately, sometimes that's caused him to not put Bella first. **

**He's not perfect, but sometimes the people who are the least deserving of love are the ones who are actually in need of it the most.**

**Thanks for reading. :)**


	30. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Edward sighed as he watched Bella go. He smiled at the look of happiness that had settled over her face. She tilted her head toward the sky, letting the rain that was now only a light mist fall on her face as she walked back to her car. She smiled and waved once before she climbed in and slammed her heavy car door. Edward grinned and waved back at her.

She had barely disappeared around the corner when he caught sight of Jane and her mother pulling into the parking lot. His stomach lurched. He had hoped he'd have a little more time before she returned, but then he thought of all the time he'd wasted with Jane, and he swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. Jane grinned and gave him a little wave as she got out of the car. Mrs. O'Brien smiled tightly at Edward before pulling away from the curb.

"What are you doing out here? It's cold!" Jane cried as she trotted up the walk toward him. Her face fell when she saw his expression. "What's wrong?"

Edward swallowed. How easy it would be for him to put her off a little longer. The old Edward, the one who had made mistake after mistake when it came to Jane and Bella, would have. He would have shrugged Jane's concerns off and bought himself a little more time. But the new Edward, the one who had been born that night and baptized in Bella's tears, the one who had made a promise to strive with every fiber of his being to be good enough for Bella, realized he could not prolong the inevitable. Bella wasn't the only one who couldn't continue on in the same way anymore. He realized that now.

"We need to talk," he said. She nodded and followed him inside. He couldn't read her expression. Too late, Edward realized both his and Bella's towels were still lying on the floor by the front door where he'd discarded them in his haste to kiss her one more time. His old friend, guilt, burned in his stomach, and he wondered if Jane would notice their presence. If she did, would she understand the significance of two towels rather than just one?

His worrying turned out to be for naught. If she noticed the towels at all, she said nothing. Instead, she sat on the couch and waited for him to join her. Not really wanting to sit next to her, he perched lightly on the edge of the coffee table and tried to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure how to begin. She watched him, brow furrowed.

"Jane, I…" he began. "I'm not sure how to say this. I think we both need to think about…moving on."

Jane blinked at him for a moment, as if understanding had yet to dawn. After what seemed to Edward like an eternity, she said, "Are you kidding me?" Edward wasn't sure what to make of her tone or her words. "You want to move on?" Her voice began to rise, and Edward knew then that she was angry. He closed his eyes.

He had known this wouldn't be easy. But after what he'd put everyone involved through, he knew he didn't deserve easy. He deserved every ounce of pain this caused him. It would never be a fraction of the amount he'd inflicted on others. Especially Bella. Before, when he'd thought she was over him, he'd rationalized to himself that he must not have caused her that much pain. But after tonight, when she'd appeared on his doorstep like some sort of apparition, cheeks bathed in rain and tears, his name a prayer on her lips, he knew how much he'd hurt her. The knowledge cut him like a knife through his heart. But the fact that, for some strange reason, she still wanted him was the salve for his gaping wound. He still didn't understand how she could possibly still want him, but he wasn't going to do anything else to jeopardize her feelings.

He brought his thoughts back to Jane and sighed. "I know this isn't what you want to hear—"

"What I want to hear? You have to be joking. After all the hell that you've put me through, you have the nerve to sit here and talk to me about moving on!" She was shouting, and Edward clenched his jaw.

"I just don't think that this is working out between us. I want us both to be happy," Edward answered quietly.

Jane rose from the couch, her expression twisted and furious. "I can't believe you're doing this. Moving on? After everything we've been through. Edward, two people don't go through what we have and then just walk away from each other. I can't understand why you're doing this. Is there someone else?"

Edward scrubbed his hands over his face. He didn't want to bring Bella into this. "Jane, please try to understand. If our circumstances had been different, do you really think we'd still be together today?"

She laughed a short, barking laugh. "You mean if you hadn't put me into a coma? Are those the circumstances you're referring to—the circumstances where you crashed your car and put me in a coma for six months?"

Guilt burned in his stomach once more, and Edward ducked his head. "Please, Jane…"

"I can't believe you're doing this to me," she repeated as she began to pace back and forth in front of him. "I thought you loved me. I thought we'd always be together." Her face was shiny with tears as she looked down at him, and her words cut Edward to the core, reminding him once more of dozens of mistakes he'd made where Jane was concerned. It was completely his fault that she thought that. He'd led her to believe he felt things for her when he did not. He'd let himself make love to her when he'd really only wanted another.

"Jane, I care about you a great deal. You'll always be important to me. But I don't love you. I'm sorry."

Once more, rage twisted her features, and the despair that had been so plain on her face only moments ago was gone. She looked as if she would like nothing more than to cause Edward actual, physical pain in that moment. "I can't believe you," she hissed as she clenched her small fists.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Get out," she said, her voice low and menacing.

Edward opened his mouth to protest that it was his apartment, but then he thought better of it. Wordlessly, he stood and walked to the door. "I really am sorry, Jane. For everything."

She let out a guttural yell, and Edward ducked as her shoe whizzed by his head. He stepped quickly through the door and shut it behind him.

Once he was safely outside, Edward let out a deep breath. He hadn't had time to grab his keys, but luckily his cell phone was still in his pocket. He pulled it out and dialed Bella's number. She answered on the second ring.

"I did it," he said, the note of pride unmistakable even as his voice trembled slightly.

Bella was silent for a moment, then said, "Come over."

"I'm on my way." He disconnected the call and picked up his pace, grateful once again that Bella lived so close by.

She was waiting outside for him when he arrived. She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He buried his face in her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her, letting her presence and her arms calm him.

Of course she knew how difficult this was for him. If it hadn't been for Bella, Edward probably never would have said anything to Jane. He would have let his guilt consume him until he became a shell of his former self as he forced himself to be content with someone he didn't love. He shuddered at the thought. She felt it and pulled him closer. But after this night, now that he knew Bella still wanted him, he knew he couldn't live without her anymore. Suddenly, it was as if all the strength he should have had weeks ago to do the right thing was flowing through him. The answers and the path that had eluded him for so long were suddenly clear to him now. He'd walk through fire for her. A small part of his brain wondered how much damage he'd caused by waiting so long to obtain this revelation. Would she ever be able to trust him to treat her right? He knew he'd do whatever he had to in order to earn her trust back.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Edward sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. Not now, I don't think. Maybe later." He motioned toward her building. "Can we go up?"

Bella nodded. "Yes, Alice won't be home tonight. She's spending the night with her new boyfriend." Bella grinned, and Edward felt a rush of anticipation. They'd have the whole night to themselves.

"Did you eat?" Bella asked, squeezing his hand.

Edward shook his head, remembering the ingredients for the dinner that sat uncooked in his apartment. It didn't seem possible that just a few short hours ago his entire life had been different. Since the rain had let up, they decided to walk the short distance to one of the little coffee shops near campus that was open late. Edward ordered a ham sandwich, and Bella ordered a cup of tomato soup. Once their food arrived, they shared, passing bites of sandwich and spoonfuls of soup back and forth.

Edward caught Bella watching him pensively, and he knew she was looking for any signs that he wasn't okay or that he needed to talk about what had happened with Jane. He sighed and wiped his mouth with his napkin.

"She thought I loved her," he said quietly. "I let her believe that I loved her." His voice was low, and Bella reached out and covered his hand with her own. Her touch was warm and reassuring, but it also stung from the guilt he felt. He'd never be able to convince himself that he deserved her, but he knew after tonight that he'd always be honest with her. If she decided to stay with him, despite all his shortcomings and the seemingly insurmountable evidence that showed why she could do better, he'd make sure she knew the truth. He couldn't quite bring himself to look into her eyes as he said his next words. "I treated her as if I loved her. We…I…I did things with her that I shouldn't have done because I didn't love her, and I only wanted you." The words came fast, and only after they were out did he dare to meet her gaze. "Bella, I am not proud of my actions over the past few months. I kept thinking that I was doing the right thing, but I just kept making things worse." He found no judgment in the gaze she leveled at him. Only compassion. It was both a balm to his soul and an acid in his mouth.

"I know," she said just as quietly. "You made some mistakes—there's no denying that." He flinched slightly at the honesty of her words, but her tone of voice and her comforting hand helped soothe the ache he felt from the truth she spoke. He knew he deserved much more than the painful truth spoken in Bella's beautiful voice. She rubbed his knuckles a little before she continued. "But you only ever did what you thought was best. Edward, you tried to do everything you could to make this whole difficult situation right for everyone involved. And you've had practically no one helping you make some really tough decisions. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

He sighed and looked down again. "I'm tired of feeling so awful all the time," he said, choking a little on the words as a sob escaped his throat. He looked around, but the shop was nearly deserted. The scrape of Bella's chair as she rose was loud in the quiet space, and before he knew it, she was next to him, taking his hands in hers and forcing his eyes to meet hers.

"Stop," she said simply. "Stop this. It's done. You did everything you could for Jane. She's alive, she's awake, she's recovering, and she's going to be fine. It hurts like this because you try so hard to do the right thing. Jane's angry, but she'll get over it, and she'll move on. Do you think she would have been mad had the accident never happened and you'd broken up with her six months ago like you planned on?"

Edward shrugged. "Probably."

"It's going to be okay," Bella reassured him. "It may not seem like that now, but it is." She smiled at him, and he offered her a small smile in return. It wasn't much, but it seemed to be the best he could manage.

He was still afraid he'd blink and she'd be gone again. "Let's go," he said as he threw his napkin down on his plate.

Bella agreed, and they both gathered their trash, clearing their table before leaving the café. They walked hand in hand back to Bella's dorm, and when they arrived inside, Bella asked Edward if he wanted to take a shower. He shook his head.

He felt a little awkward when Bella shimmied out of her jeans and pulled her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head. He wasn't sure where to look. Did he still have the right to watch her in such personal and intimate moments? Bella didn't seem to notice his moment of embarrassment. She pulled the covers back on her small bed, motioning for Edward to join her. He felt his stomach lurch a little in anticipation. It had been a long time since he'd been with Bella, and he'd made so many mistakes since. He'd spent so much time thinking about and dreaming about being with her again, but in that moment, he was filled with nerves.

Bella smiled as she climbed in and waited for him. He stripped down to his boxers, and she held the covers out for him as he climbed in beside her. The bed was incredibly small, and it was a very tight fit. Bella nestled into his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head as he enfolded her in his arms.

It turned out his nerves were unnecessary. Somehow, they both knew that what they needed that night was a different kind of intimacy. They lay together all night in Bella's tiny bed. At some point, Edward's arm began to go numb from the weight of Bella's head, but he didn't care. He would have cut his arm off if it meant that she would still be his. At first, his mind raced, and he felt certain sleep would never come, but eventually, the soft even rhythm of Bella's breathing lulled him to sleep. He was surprised when he was awoken hours later by the sound of birds outside the window.

Bella stretched in the cramped space, and he wondered if she had slept as peacefully as he had.

"Good morning," she said, smiling up at him.

"Hi," he said, smiling and kissing her forehead.

"Did you sleep okay?" she asked, twisting and sitting cross-legged next to him.

"Surprisingly, yes." He laughed. "How about you?"

"I always sleep better when you're nearby," Bella said, looking down at her hands.

Edward felt his heart lurch. He was still not quite able to believe that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. The universe seemed incredibly unbalanced this morning. "Me too," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry if you were expecting…more…" She trailed off as she picked at the loose threads on her blankets.

Edward shook his head. "No, Bella, last night was perfect. Holding you and just being with you was exactly what I needed."

Bella beamed and leaned in to kiss him.

"Do you want to shower?" she asked. "I need to get to class, but you're welcome to stay and shower." She hopped up and opened her closet doors, pulling out clothes as she spoke.

Edward sighed and leaned back against the pillows, feeling comfortable enough in the light of a new morning to enjoy watching Bella as she moved around her room. "No, I probably better go home. I guess it'll be easier to face what's there now rather than putting it off. Plus, I have class a little later, too."

Bella nodded before pulling a clean t-shirt over her head. "Everything will be okay," she said as she leaned over and kissed Edward.

"I'm trying to believe you," he said. "And I know one thing now: I can't be without you anymore." His fingers pressed into her hip as he spoke, and he willed her to understand how much he meant what he said.

Bella looked at him for a moment, one hand on his cheek as she leaned toward him. She smiled and kissed him again, and Edward wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back down on the bed with him. She squealed and playfully fought back.

"I'm going to be late!" she cried.

Reluctantly, he let her go. It was a shame that she had class, because he was pretty sure that he wouldn't have had to deal with the nerves he'd battled the night before if she hadn't had to leave. He smiled as he reminded himself that there would be plenty of time for that later. He had meant what he said—he had no intention of being without Bella in his life anymore.

The pair walked hand in hand out to the street, and Edward kissed Bella again before they went their separate ways. His thoughts lingered on her as he made the walk back to his apartment. As he came within sight of his building, he wondered what would be waiting for him inside. Would Jane be there? He was more than a little hopeful that she would have disappeared in the night like a bad dream. But he knew there was a good chance she'd be waiting for him and that he'd be in for another battle.

He steeled his courage and turned the doorknob.


	31. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Thirty

He turned the knob slowly, his heart in his throat. It was unlocked, which he was glad for since he'd left without his keys the night before.

"Hello?" he called as he stepped inside. "Jane?"

There was no answer. The apartment was still dark. The blinds were drawn and no lights were on. He walked to a lamp and turned the switch, listening for sounds of Jane's presence. He felt like such a coward, but he just didn't want to face Jane anymore, not after her reaction the night before.

It didn't take him long to realize that she wasn't there. He smiled a little as he recognized that not only was she gone, but many of her things seemed to be missing too. She must have packed up a few of her belongings and called her mother some time after he'd left the night before. Edward sighed in relief.

His heart felt lighter as he headed for the shower and got ready for class. Having to tell Jane that he didn't love her had been one of the most difficult and unpleasant things he'd had to do, but now that it was behind him, he felt hope surge through him once again. He only wished he'd had the sense to do it sooner, rather than waiting as long as he had. He knew he'd hurt both Jane and Bella with his choices. He knew his regrets would always be with him. They'd been tattooed on his soul. But he was beginning to realize that he owed it to Bella to push them aside and not let them paralyze him anymore.

He enjoyed class more than he had in weeks. He felt like he actually had a purpose in attending school, as opposed to the past few weeks where he'd felt as though he'd just been biding his time until he had to go home and face what his life had become. He listened intently to the professor's lecture and took copious notes. He even managed to talk to the students who were supposed to be in his study group and arrange a time to meet, something he'd been putting off for weeks.

He grinned to himself as he headed across campus and back to his apartment. He pulled out his phone along the way, hoping to catch Bella in between classes. His smile grew even wider when she answered.

"I miss you," he said by way of greeting.

"I miss you, too." She giggled. "I can't wait to see you."

He hummed. "Me either. How soon can that be?"

She laughed at his eagerness. "Well, I have to work tonight. How did everything go today? Was Jane…" She trailed off, but Edward picked up on the vein of her thought.

"She's gone. She must have packed up most of her things last night. What time are you done with class? Come over."

She agreed, and they made plans to meet at his apartment in an hour. Edward hung up and hurried home, anxious to straighten up a little before Bella arrived. At home, he showered again and made a quick trip around his apartment, tidying up as he went. He was just shoving the last of his dirty laundry into the clothes hamper when the doorbell rang. He ran to the door, ridiculously anxious to see her after their separation.

"I thought you'd never—" But it wasn't Bella who waited for him on the other side of the door. Instead, a stranger stood, regarding Edward coolly.

"Edward Cullen?" the man asked.

"Yes, can I help you?" Edward asked, confused.

"You've been served. Have a nice day." The man had the brusque demeanor of someone who was used to being treated impolitely. Without any further ado, he handed Edward a thick envelope, and before Edward could question him about it, the man was down the walk and out of sight.

Brow furrowed, Edward closed the door and looked down at the parcel in his hand. He stared blankly at it as he turned it over in his hands. He slid his finger under the seal and ripped it open. He pulled several thick pages out of it, and his brow creased even deeper as he began to read. As he took in the words on the page, a pit of dread formed in his stomach.

A knock on the door drew his attention. This time it was Bella who greeted him when he opened the door. The smile she wore slid off her face as she took in his expression.

"What's wrong?" she asked, the panic evident in her voice.

Edward cleared his throat, trying to find his own voice. "It's…Jane. She's suing me over the accident."

Bella placed her hand on the papers and glanced at Edward for a moment before sliding them out of his hands. He made no move to stop her, and she wandered into his living room, letting her backpack fall to the floor as she studied the thick documents.

It took her several minutes to get through them. When she was finished, she tossed them onto his coffee table with a sigh of disgust.

"I can't believe she'd do that, and so quickly. Her family must have had these all drawn up just waiting for a reason to use them." The contempt in her voice was clear.

Edward felt numb. He'd been so sure all of this was behind them. Was that only a brief pause before an entirely new nightmarish chapter of his life began? He sat down next to Bella and scrubbed his hand over his face.

"I think I need to see my father," he said.

Bella studied his face for a moment. He knew that she was fully aware of how much asking his father for help would cost him. He gave her a rueful half-smile, and she placed one hand on his cheek.

"Yes, I think we better," she said.

Edward eyed her skeptically for a moment, but before he could voice any of his thoughts, Bella shook her head.

"Oh, no you don't. You're not pushing me away and claiming it's for my own good. Not this time," she said stubbornly. "We're in this together."

Edward stared at her for a moment. "Are you sure?" He knew he'd already asked her for way too much.

"I don't want to be without you," she whispered as she took his face in her hands and leaned her forehead against his.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before placing his hands on her shoulders. "Thank you. I love you," he said. "I love you so much more than I can even express. It doesn't seem right that I should be allowed to love someone as good and perfect as you." It seemed like such an inadequate thing to say to her, but there weren't any words strong enough to express how he really felt about her.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, neither of them wanting to break the connection they both felt. Finally, Bella took a deep breath and sat up straight, smiling as she looked at Edward.

"Well, let's go see your dad."

Edward groaned.

"Come on, I'll call my work and tell them I'm going to be a little late. Let's get it over with. This thing isn't going to go away."

She was right. The old Edward would have probably found an excuse to avoid the visit, but the new Edward was anxious to prove to Bella that he could do hard things. So, he stood and followed her to the door. They took his car, and Bella sat in the front seat, holding the stack of paperwork he'd been served with in her lap. Neither of them said much, and Edward wished he knew what she was thinking.

They pulled up in front of his parents' house, and Edward realized he probably should have called first. Knowing it was too late to worry about it at that point, he climbed out of the car and opened Bella's door for her.

Gilda showed them in and went to tell Mr. and Mrs. Cullen that their son and his friend were there. They waited quietly in the sitting room. Bella glanced around, and Edward could tell she was nervous. He couldn't blame her. His parents had never exactly been overly kind to her. That thought made him want to bolt out the door, so he steered away from it. Instead, he tried to squeeze Bella's hand reassuringly, but her returning smile was small and anxious. He hated bringing her there. He hated even being there. But he was starting to learn that he couldn't always do everything on his own.

"Edward, what a surprise." His thoughts were interrupted by his father's voice.

Edward stood, reluctantly extracting his hand from Bella's in order to shake his father's hand.

"Dad, it's good to see you."

Carlisle Cullen nodded at Edward before turning his attention to Bella. "Bella, it's nice to see you. I was under the impression that we might not get the pleasure again, so I'm delighted to see you today."

Bella nodded and smiled. "It's nice to see you too, Mr. Cullen."

Never one to waste a lot of time on pleasantries, Carlisle turned back to Edward. "What brings you by today, son?"

Edward took a deep breath and wondered where to begin. "Well, things have changed between Jane and me. We've decided to…go our separate ways." He felt Bella's hand work its way into his, and he squeezed it gratefully. "And then I got this today." He looked at Bella, and she held the envelope out for Carlisle.

Carlisle glanced between them for a few seconds before taking the stack from Bella's outstretched hand. The silence seemed deafening to Edward as his father read through the papers that spelled his doom. His eyebrows lifted as he read, and by the time he was done, his expression was grim.

"Let's go talk about this in my study. Bella, would you like to wait here? I'm sure Esme will be along soon."

"No," Edward said, shaking his head. "I want her to be there when we discuss this." He squeezed her hand more firmly as if his father could tell what he was doing and that would drive home his point.

Carlisle eyed his son for a moment before nodding. Without another word, he turned on his heel and headed toward his office. Edward and Bella followed him, Bella glancing up at Edward and giving him a small smile as they walked. He squeezed her hand again and smiled back at her. It was hard to tell who was in need of more reassurance and comfort in those moments.

Once they were all seated around the pair of leather sofas that sat in one corner of the study, Carlisle sighed.

"So, tell me exactly what happened with you and Jane, Edward."

Edward winced, unwilling to relive the misery he'd been through the past few weeks. "Look, Jane is obviously just doing this to get revenge. She's angry that I finally ended things with her."

"And I assume the reason that you've decided to no longer be with Jane has something to do with Bella," Carlisle said, gesturing toward Bella. Next to Edward, she blushed slightly, clearly uncomfortable with her role in the events they spoke of.

Edward nodded before saying quietly but firmly, "I love Bella. I don't want to be with anyone else. I should never have let things with Jane go on for so long. If you'd asked me a few months ago, I'd have said that the biggest mistake of my life was getting behind the wheel of the car that one night. But now, the biggest regret I have is letting Bella walk out on me and choosing Jane over her." He looked down at his hands, still clasping Bella's in his lap. Bella slid her other hand up his back. Her warm presence felt so steadying, so reassuring. It went a long way in soothing the acid burn of guilt and regret Edward felt in his stomach.

Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "Oh, son. How many times did I try to tell you to forget about this whole mess with Jane? Now look where it's gotten you."

Edward felt his jaw clench. He worked to control the temper that he felt building inside. "I know, Dad, I know. I was just trying to do the right thing for everyone. I made a lot of mistakes."

There was silence in the room for a moment, the only sound the steady ticking from the clock that sat on the mantel over the fireplace.

"So, do you think she has a case?" Edward asked finally.

Carlisle shrugged. "She's not suing you in criminal court. That's already been taken care of. She and her parents are taking you to civil court. They're asking for damages. I'll have to have our attorney take a look at these charges, but it seems to me like she has cause to sue."

Edward sighed and extricated his hands from Bella's for a moment, giving her an apologetic glance. He placed his head in his hands. He'd been hoping his father would tell them that the charges were unfounded and he had nothing to worry about.

"What do I do, Dad?" he asked, his voice a whisper.

"You know, I can't help but notice, Edward. You've spent the better part of the last year trying to pretend you're not my son, and that you don't need anything from me or your mother. And now, as soon as you hit a little bump in the road, you're right back here asking for my help."

Edward felt the blood rushing in his ears. He opened his mouth to offer his father a retort, but before he could, Bella stirred slightly beside him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen," she said, her voice quiet but steady. "I know it's probably not my place to say anything, but from what I can tell, you've spent Edward's whole life teaching him that the rules that apply to everyone else don't apply to him because of your bank account. The only thing he's tried to do this past year is to take responsibility for his actions and become a better person. Something that—from what I can tell—you've tried to sabotage every chance you've had."

Edward stared at Bella, mouth open, shock evident on his face. She glanced at him. Her expression was apologetic, but there was fire burning in her eyes. Edward smiled at her. He'd never loved her more than he did in that moment. She'd stood up to his father for him, something he'd been struggling to do his entire life.

He turned his attention back to his dad. Carlisle leveled his gaze at Bella, his jaw working the way Edward's did when he was upset. Even though he was focused on Bella, he addressed his words to Edward.

"As I said, if you leave them with me, I'll get my attorney, Mr. Jenks, to look over these papers. He should be able to give you a better idea of what you're up against."

Edward felt a chill along his spine at his father's word choice. He'd never referred to the family attorney as just _his_ lawyer before, Also, it didn't escape Edward's notice that Carlisle had said he'd let Edward know what _he_ was up against, instead of what _they_ were up against. Suddenly, Edward felt very alone. It was only the reassuring touch of Bella's hand that kept him from panicking.

"Thank you, Dad," he said quietly.

Carlisle nodded and stood. "I'd invite you to stay, but I'm not sure when your mother will be home, and I have a lot of work to do."

Edward nodded, and he and Bella rose. "No, it's fine. We should go anyway. Bella's got to get to work." He glanced at Bella, and she nodded also.

"I'm glad you came by. You did the right thing bringing this to me." Edward didn't miss the quick look his father shot in Bella's direction. "I'll let you know what Jenks thinks about it all."

Once they were back in Edward's car, Bella turned to him and sighed. "I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't just make things worse with you and your dad. I just…I couldn't listen to him talk to you like that. I'm sorry."

Edward chuckled. "Bella, I have never been more proud of you than I was back there. You did a better job of standing up to him in the ten minutes we were in there than I've been able to do my whole life. You're amazing. I love you."

She beamed and then gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment before speaking. "You know, Edward. Even if your dad said that he wasn't going to help you, we'd still be okay. We'd get through this."

Edward smiled and reached out to stroke her cheek with his palm. "I still have a hard time believing that you're real sometimes, do you know that?"

Bella smiled and nuzzled her cheek into his hand, placing her own hand on his and turning her head to kiss his palm. "I told you: I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together."

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think. :) **


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